Mother in law going in my bedroom

[madwifenewlife]

Ok not sure if I'm being unreasonable to be bothered by this, or if it is a bit odd. We moved house a couple of months ago so been trying to get it sorted out. It's taking time as needs some work and was left in a state.

But every time my in laws come round mil will nip to the loo, and then just let her self into my bedroom for a look! My husband found her in there the second to last time, and today I had stuff in the landing as was moving my daughters room round and blocked my room on purpose. She just started climbing over bits making her way to my bedroom! I said oh don't go in there it's a right mess! But she still went in. I just find it a bit odd now to just keep going in there, we have been here a bit so it's not changed or been decorated yet! I feel like getting a massive dildo and putting it on the bed or something next time they pop round just to put her off doing it again lol. Anyway would this bother anyone else or am I being silly?

Also my bedroom is no where near the bathroom she doesn't need to walk past it as my stairs split off at the top, and my landing is quite long each way, so bathroom is a different end to my bedroom.

*thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter

Wtf are these people looking for? It’s a bedroom, it’s generally going to have the same shit most bedrooms have - a bed, clothes, cupboards, the holy grail, gold bullion... grin

I agree with lock on the door but I like the period features in my house - I’d feel really miffed I had to buy a lock then ruin the door frame by attaching it just because of one nosy git.

Had another ‘fun’ idea (I’m childish, bear with me grin ) how about getting a friend to dress like a museum curator and some other friends to dress like tourists in anoraks with cameras, get some of those rope things and put them in front of furniture etc, tell friend to remind your MIL not to touch the exhibits.

I really need to get out more grin*

Omg that museum curator and tourist idea is genius op pay some friends to hide in your bedroom to do that, you could even print out "museum pamphlets" of the stuff on display and have your friend take them around detailing each exhibition (your bed, wardrobe, dressing table etc)

The expression on your mil face would be priceless

Op here's another idea, each time your mother in law turns up without calling, just don't answer the door, if you know she's the type that will peak through windows if you don't answer the door then go stand in another room or upstairs and stand your ground until she gets bored outside and leaves , remember if you do do this to put your phone on silent as she will try to call and listen through the letterbox and you could just text back that you are out and that she should have arranged a time to visit with you,

Even of you have your car in the driveway it doesn't mean that you aren't out , you can tell her you went with a neighbour or friend in their car/caught a taxi/got a bus/walked etc

Keep doing it each time and she will learn that if she wants to get inside the house to call first to schedule when is appropriate

That's so weird. My MIL would never do this. She doesn't go poking around anywhere even downstairs.

Shame her. If she’s snobbish/above everyone then make it clear that her behaviour is embarrassing to her.

Why are you going in our room MIL? It’s such a rude thing to do. Aren’t you embarrassed that it makes you look so nosey? Don’t you think it’s a bit weird? Aren’t you worried that we’ll all think you’re really weird for nosing in other people’s bedrooms? Who does that anyway?

Don’t focus on your own feelings, she doesn’t give a fuck about them. Focus on the embarrassment to her and how it makes her look to other people. Be as blunt and looking-down-on-her as much as you can. Out-snob her!!

I came out of hospital with our first, traumatised from labour, coming dien after shots if pethidine and gas and air... Hormones crashing and fil was bending over our bed with a disgusted look on his face, Mil threw out all our pillows and brought new ones, I still mourn my pillows to this day, I get dreadful migraines and headaches and need firm pillows. Chucked out so much stuff, re organised everything.... Told me off for eating sweets and leaving the wrapper on the floor... When I was ill.. Told us off for sleeping on the floor downstairs when our bedroom had just been gloss painted! The smell made me feel ill.. And with a new born not ideal...

She just feels very much its what a mother does ie total control and she does it all for her adult dd.

However my goodness, dh got lectures on their space, their bedrooms... Big time!! Their space is very important! No one must breach it or dislrect it!!

This is part of the reason why I'm desperate for a house with a downstairs toilet. No excuse for people to go upstairs.

I find the worst is the children in our family who are old enough to go to the loo alone, but not old enough to be trusted not to nosey around.

I can hear them going in the bathroom cabinet, once a light pull was broken and the toilet roll holder. Then you hear little footsteps across the landing and doors opening and their mum will just sit there chatting away. I end up having to get up to check they are "ok" whilst their mum says "oh leave him, he's fine"

Confuzzled

Now she sits and complains that the neighbours have all noticed she never comes here and how embarrassing it is for her

I bet the neighbours have never said a word! She's just saying it to make you feel guilty!

My stepmum stays after the post comes and tells me to open it to see what it is. In the past she had opened bank statements and used it to argue with me telling all her family what id got.
Her daughter was a single mum until she got married. She never went round to help. The monute daughter got married she stayes every night for 3 months.

Vaseline on the door handle should stop it... Nice and gloopy - you are "greasing the mechanism"

Or do what my mum did to her MIL - "Did YOU take the £20 from my room? No one is allowed in there, but I saw you in there - and it has gone missing. Did YOU take it?"

My M would go through drawers and cupboards. I have no idea what she was looking for. She would spot something and want the history of it, where it came from, how long had I had it...

She was banned when she gave away items of mine to other family members when she stayed in my house while I was away. Yep, just stole them. She told me "I gave your vase to Auntie Barbara, she loved it and I knew you wouldn't mind" and "Uncle Peter loves fishing and I found some fishing stuff, you'd never use that, so I gave it to him". The fishing stuff was being stored for a friend, it was several hundred pounds worth and I had to drive 400 miles to get it back.

She died recently. I didn't go to her funeral.

Adorn your bedside table with some Australian Immigration Forms printed from the internet. Strategically place them next to some Old people's care home brochures!

Then when questioned/mentioned look puzzled " oh you've been going through our paperwork niw/loomibg through our bedside tables have you?" Long pause -

Explanation can be the firms were inside the care brochures your friend wanted you to go and look at with her because your friend us needing to put her batty MIL into a care home. You could comment how lovely the home looks!!

Ive posted this before but.. While me and DH were on holiday fil was decorating for us. Unfortunately that also gave mil access to the flat.
When we came home she had rearranged the entire flat. She even managed to move our bed to a different position, and left our sex stuff on the pillow

I have locks on my bedroom door. One internal one where you need a big round key to open it and a lockable door knob. A lockable door knob won’t disfigure the door itself.

If you don’t want to do the confronting thing. Some people have the hide of a rhino but surely she won’t ask why the bedrooms locked will she?

Argh sounds like my MIL - we got a new bedroom carpet when I was about 6 months pregnant, she decided she was going to thoroughly clean this carpet when I was about 8 months pregnant (only about 6-8 weeks old so hardly dirty!) and proceeded to do this, and empty out and dust everything in our bedside cabinets !!! Without asking!! Thankfully nothing naughty in there for a change!

I had a MIL with no boundaries - went in our bedroom ‘to tidy up’, changed bedsheets, saw no problem with any of it. I spoke to her about how I valued privacy and not going in there; it fell on deaf ears.

Soon after I realised she was emptying the laundry basket and taking the contents with her to her house...when one day I had to call to ask if she’d done this as all my clothes (including underwear) had disappeared. She claimed she was “just being helpful” (by removing all my clothing from the house for an entire week).

The final straw was when she confronted me after finding a (negative) pregnancy test in the bathroom bin, telling me off for ‘being irresponsible’. I lost it a bit (I’d been having odd periods and had to test before GP investigated) and really told her off about boundaries and privacy. Who the hell goes through somebody’s bathroom bin!?

FIL wasn’t much better, though. He had a key to be kept for emergencies, but would just let himself in. After my ex and I split up he still kept the key, just for emergencies...until the time he let himself in when I was in bed with my new boyfriend and I, understandably, demanded the key back instantly. He used to come into my bedroom when I was getting dressed, too. And there was the time, again after ex and I split up, when I went away for the weekend and had an irritated call from exFIL asking why I’d deadbolted the door, as he couldn’t get in. Annoyed because he couldn’t get into my house when I wasn’t there. Apparently he wanted to do some DIY. The mind boggles.

Be very firm and hope for the best!

I have a MIL like this too! Snoops around the house saying she's 'just looking' or reorganising drawers because she's 'just being helpful'. I've tried talking to her about it, explaining bedrooms are private etc, and she just says 'but DH is my son, I want to know what his room is like etc'. Leaving sex toys out would just give her an excuse to have a completely inappropriate conversation about our sex life. She has no boundaries at all and makes me feel like I'm the weird one.
Sorry OP, no useful advice, I'm at a loss myself! feels good to rant and know I'm not alone!

Love i wouldnt have it and im a mum of boys! Shes taking the piss. Tell her to not do it again as it is your room too.

Lots of good ideas here. I think that you might need to use your louder voice when talking to her about this. And be straight. No excuses needed.

Between you and your Dh, boundaries need to be agreed upon, set and stuck to. Needing a lock is ridiculous.

Send your MIL the link to this thread with the caption “sound like anyone familiar?”

she just says 'but DH is my son, I want to know what his room is like etc'.

But she's seen it before so she already knows what it's like.
Does she mean she wants to see if there are socks & pants lying on the floor, or what?

Display life sized posters of you and your oh in intimate positions around the room 😂

Is she an interior designer?

That would be an epic drip

You asked her not to go into your room but she went in anyway, right in front of you.

You have in the past asked her to not turn up unannounced, and to phone or text first, but she still just turns up when she wants to.

She is trampling all over you.

You need to set boundaries and enforce them, and your DH needs to be on board with this and support you. This isn't reasonable behaviour, not at all.