To consider three children sharing one room?

[TabbyTigger]

Our current home has 4 bedrooms.

DS is 18 and at University, lives there but comes home to stay overnight probably once a month, plus being home at holidays. He has the tiny box room and always has done.

The attic has two big rooms. Currently one is shared by DD1 (13, nearly 14) and DD2 (12), and the other by DD3 (5) and DD4 (2). The fourth bedroom is obviously ours.

DD5 is due in two weeks (eek!) and I can’t stop thinking about what we’ll do when she’s bigger. Currently, the most viable option seems to be to put her in with DD3 and 4, say when they’re 6, 3, and 1. But the room isn’t huge, so would have to be bunk bed and regular bed (currently it’s just bunk bed), and then have very little space for much other than dresser. WIBU to squeeze the three of them in together for two years, just until DS no longer needs his room? (Then DD3 can move in there, and we’ll be back to just 2 sharing each bigger room). Or should I just take a deep breath in and accept that a move is inevitable? I love this house and where it is so really don’t want to move. I’m probably just overthinking and worrying, I just cant stop wondering about how new baby is going to change our lives!!

I'm shocked by how rude some people have been. It's not like you've got 16 children in a 2 bed apartment. Congrats on another lovely daughter.

I don't think sharing rooms is going to damage anyone. For goodness' sake, we have 3 DDs in a 5 bedroom house--two already share because they insist on it and now the third is begging to move into her sisters' room as well because she feels left out. We have the space for them to move into as they grow older, but especially when they're young I think it can be quite nice to have their sisters in the room with them for company and companionship. You have two bedrooms for the girls, so if there are personality clashes you can swap sharing arrangements around. A triple bunk bed is a good space saver.

Personally I'd hold off on moving until at least a year or so after the baby is born as that's a lot of stress on a family with a newborn on the way/in the house. I'm with the posters saying about having the baby in with you initially. That gives you at least 6 months to 1 year to keep things as they are and assess the situation. You'll have a much better idea of what your needs are once you emerge from the newborn fog and DS is away at uni.

OP 3 in the bigger room is no problem. It really isn't damaging to have 4 siblings, what a ridiculous idea. The only thing I picked up was you said you and DH already had 3 and wanted another 3 together, if you are planning No 6 at some stage maybe it would be easier to do the move now as it might be too much of a squeeze with 6?

Good luck, I hope all goes well.

I shared a room with my 3 siblings. We loved it and hated when at 14 we moved to a house with ‘enough’ rooms. We used to have sleepovers in each other’s rooms. Now all independent adults.

Ignore the idiots op.

😮 what on earth is happening on MN recently?? Such awful, rude comments on what is nobody else's business! The OP was asking for bedroom management ideas for her lovely family, NOT advice on family planning 😲

Good luck with your pregnancy OO...FWIW I was brought up in a tiny 'back-to-back' terrace in a very poor community in the north of England...I had four siblings (I was the eldest) and we shared one of the two tiny bedrooms...only room for two sets of bunks so the youngest two 'top and tailed' until I left home (which I did at 18). We were cramped, had arguments about space, had nowhere to study etc, but you know what? I wouldn't change anything. I'm staggered at the rudeness on here (and the idea that three children can't possibly share a room is beyond ridiculous!).

You'll find a solution that works...and I'm guessing you've at least got an indoor toilet and a bathroom...ours was outside (no bathroom though...we washed in the kitchen!) 😂😂 Harsh winters in the north 😂 xx

I think you should move. I hated sharing a room with 1 other sibling so I imagine sharing with 2 would be horrible especially if it’s a 1 year old (as they can be quite bad sleepers unless you get lucky).
It doesn’t sound like you have enough room for a 5th and the 18 year old is still pretty young by today’s age of moving out (what would happen if they come back full time after uni)

I have friends who were in a similar situation to you (family of 6, and 2 x bedrooms + microscopic boxroom), but they had a large village-situated garden. About 15 years between their eldest and youngest, so ... the summer ahead of their eldest DD going to college ... they built her a summerhouse in the garden. Just one room with an en suite, but really robust. More like a little log cabin. Their eldest DD loved it!

This is a really great suggestion if you have the space. You could have a beautiful chalet with en suite in the garden. The teenagers would love it.

Just wow, some of these responses, so very Mumsnet and not in a good way.

It sounds as if the OP and her partner have talked it through at length, before they made the decision they've made. As some PPs have said, the baby can sleep in their room for the first year so that buys them some time to consider where they move to.

3 in a bedroom wasn't unusual when I was growing up, I shared a room with my DB and DSis until I was at least 8. (It is best avoided though.)

My three DC have always shared a room - all older teenagers now. We had one set of bunkbeds and one high bed with room for a desk and chair underneath it,. They had the large front bedroom, so room enough for wardrobes, etc. They have all survived fine.

I shared with my two sisters until I was 15 when the eldest moved out. We argued and got on better when we all moved out but the midnight feasts and sharing clothes was fun

I think it's a bit odd to think eldest son won't come back home after university, where else will he go?

Baby in DS's room.
When DS stays, baby in with you.

Dont see a problem apart from all the rude bitches on this thread

*Averyyounggrandmaofsix"
Move in with friends? I'd say about 90% of my peers did that after university.

Well when he's finished his degree he may wish to continue studying or he may get a job away from home and get a house/flatshare etc there.

Believe it or not there are large parts of the country (eg in and around the cities in northern England) where you can get a graduate job paying £20k+ and rent a small house or a flat that is easily affordable.

He may of course get a job in his home city but he might decide to move out anyway.

Definitely move house OP if, as you say, you can afford to. Why would you not? It's not fair to have a baby / toddler sharing with 2 school aged DC because they will need their sleep once they start school. Also as they all get bigger, the house will feel smaller. Definitely move and good luck to you all!

3 little girls sharing a room is fine.
Keeping baby in with you until adult dc moves put is also fine.

The baby has to share with you im afraid.

The kids are already crushed 3 to a room.

Your eldest has to share a triple room and will continue to do so through her gcses and alevels.

Only right that you have to share a room as a consequence of the decisions you made that your other children had no say in.

“Does your eldest really need a room if he only comes once a month? Could he kip on the sofa so you then have another room straight away?”

Seriously jaseyraex? . That is a really shit thing to do. It sends the message that the baby is more important than the eldest child.

“Your 20 y/o will still be at uni by that point and won't need a bedroom at yours. Can easily sleep on sofa or camp out. They're an adult.”

I don’t agree ShowMePotatoSalad. Having a conveyor belt system with children and kicking the older ones out to make way for new babies is just downright nasty. Now, that would really cause family ructions . Where would a 20 year old with minimal income and another year to go at uni camp out?

“Maybe I should just kill off my youngest three to reverse the damage their existence has caused?”

The suggestions by the previous two examples are pretty much in the same vein. You don’t stop loving or caring for your children once they leave to go to university. I am judging them, not you.

Mumsnet threads often start off with a strong YABU responses which lead to others piling in, competing to be the most goady. Then other posters get sick of that and redress the balance, then finally it all becomes a more balanced discussion.

I think it's a bit odd to think eldest son won't come back home after university, where else will he go?

Not everyone moves back to their parents after graduation. I worked in the city I’d studied in for a year then moved to another city. Among my friends that’s not unusual.

But why would they move house if they like the house they are in and the 'overcrowding' problem is likely to be short lived and there are ways to overcome it?

Moving house is expensive and disruptive and it doesn't sound like it is desperately necessary in this case.

A family of 4 will happily live in a 25m2 1 bedroom flat, it is normal.

Define "normal". You can find fishermen entire families living on small boats, but it's a different culture and a totally different life.

I like posters who try to make it sound like people giving their own bedroom to their kids are nearly hurting them. It makes life so much easier for everybody!

Most adults do move out of their parents' house! I find it bizarre that some posters find the idea of a 20-something being independent so unusual.

"I worked in the city I’d studied in for a year then moved to another city. Among my friends that’s not unusual."

I bet it was easier to get a job when you graduated. So many youngsters are going to university these days to gain degrees in areas where the post degree employment rate is much less favourable.

Did you really go straight from graduating to full time work and flat share without going home first?

3 to the largest bedroom is doable (you can get triple offset bunks if you have decent head height) so would keeping baby in with you longer.

In a couple of years you may feel moving is right or that it's working as it is.

Congratulations btw @TabbyTigger we have now got a much larger house but sadly no more babies a possibility! My 3 were happy sharing a room for years. My top tip is having the baby day time naps in a travel cot so can sleep in any room in the school holidays and keeping all the bedrooms free for the other DC