To consider three children sharing one room?

[TabbyTigger]

Our current home has 4 bedrooms.

DS is 18 and at University, lives there but comes home to stay overnight probably once a month, plus being home at holidays. He has the tiny box room and always has done.

The attic has two big rooms. Currently one is shared by DD1 (13, nearly 14) and DD2 (12), and the other by DD3 (5) and DD4 (2). The fourth bedroom is obviously ours.

DD5 is due in two weeks (eek!) and I can’t stop thinking about what we’ll do when she’s bigger. Currently, the most viable option seems to be to put her in with DD3 and 4, say when they’re 6, 3, and 1. But the room isn’t huge, so would have to be bunk bed and regular bed (currently it’s just bunk bed), and then have very little space for much other than dresser. WIBU to squeeze the three of them in together for two years, just until DS no longer needs his room? (Then DD3 can move in there, and we’ll be back to just 2 sharing each bigger room). Or should I just take a deep breath in and accept that a move is inevitable? I love this house and where it is so really don’t want to move. I’m probably just overthinking and worrying, I just cant stop wondering about how new baby is going to change our lives!!

Baby stays in your room until at least 2. By which time your eldest will be 20. Baby inherits 20 y/o's bedroom.

Your 20 y/o will still be at uni by that point and won't need a bedroom at your's. Can easily sleep on sofa or camp out. They're an adult.

we had a similar arrangement when I was growing up OP
i shared with dsis and db2 -bunks and a single, and db1 had the box room. we were 2, 4, and 6 roughly, db1 was 10.

maybe nowadays people have higher expectations, but we never played in our rooms. they were for sleeping in. we had a massive playroom and huge garden so it wasn't an issue.

Are you worried about them having restricted space, or other people judging you?

Adults selfish decisions impact on the children, it's all about your wants not theirs.

I don’t think there’s anything selfish about it but okay.

Thanks for the more constructive comments - I might discuss DS’s room with him. I’m also thinking about swapping the rooms for the girls, as DD1+2’s room is really quite huge (meant to be master bedroom), so if three end up in a room that one might be a better option.

And DD could definitely come in with us for two years, but I think by the time she turns 2 she’ll want/need to move out (we moved DD4 into her sister’s room at 18 months).

Starting to look like I’ll have to suck up a move...

Let me guess, the older kids aren't the current partners.

Let me guess, you're a total up-yourself knob.

When I came home from uni, I slept on the sofa. Give the baby the box room once they're old enough to move out of our room, and get a sofa bed for your son. Or keep baby in with you for two years.

We have 3 sharing, ds 14, ds 9+ds 3. Ds x 2 moved ft from df unexpectedly!! As they are siblings who love each other its not an issue.
Congratulations on number 5 op. We have 7 at home!!
Fuck the critics.

that was for about 2 or 3 years I think, not indefinitely btw.

Christ people are harsh on here. There's nothing wrong with 3 sharing a room OP! Years gone by it was very normal and even shared beds! It will be fine and you do what you can with what you've got

Wow. So much judgement. If you want the family debrief:

DS1 + DD2 mine from a previous marriage. He left me (for another woman) when I was pregnant with DD2 so there wasn’t much I could do about that, sorry that’s a problem for you all :) he’s now opted out of seeing his children.

DD1 is DH’s from a previous relationship. I adopted her 5 years ago.

All three older kids love both their little siblings and actually all of my children are excited about the new baby... not all big families are riddled with jealousy. I was also from a big family and never resented my younger siblings.

People are being ridiculously judgemental. OP isn't any more selfish than any other parent with more than 1 DC - whenever anyone has more than 1 child there are automatically less resources to go round. Whether it's bedrooms, money, 1 on 1 time with individual children. So stop judging please, it's utterly ridiculous.

Some judgemental posts on this thread. The OP is just asking for advice about her current situation.

A school friend of mine was one of 4 (3 girls, 1 boy). They lived in a 3 bed house. 3 girls shatter one room and the boy was in the box room it seemed to work ok. Maybe you can have he baby in your bedroom for a bit anyway as they will be little?

Is there a downstairx living room that can be converted into a bedroom for your son? You could then use it as a living room/playroom when he's in between visits.

Good luck with the birth!

I don't think three in one room is bad at all if there is room. Our two girls share a room and have bunkbeds but also used to have a toddler bed in there and there was loads of room still. In a smaller room it may not have been doable. In your situation I'd either get the triple bunks with three singles all going up (so they all have their own bed) or I'd keep baby in with you until around age 2. Sorry but I disagree with people thinking DS needs a room once a month. Its not pushing him out, its about him growing up.

I do have to agree though that it seems selfish to have another in your situation. I'm desperate for another (I have three) but won't because there will be negative effects on my children so I have to suck it up.

If you can move house, why wouldn't you?
Otherwise, I agree with above, give box room to the baby and share when older kid is coming back. I wouldn't keep a child in my bedroom for 2 years, mine moved into their own room when they were around 3 month old, but a week here and there is different.

It's still a temporary solution, what's the older one going to do after university?

You are lucky if the only thing that put you off moving is the effort it takes, and not a financial issue. If it makes life easier for everybody in the long run, it's worth it. Putting a 6, 3 and 1 year old in the same room sounds like a nightmare to me, in terms of sleeping and shared toys, the 1 year old will create mayhem with the eldest one books, legos and whatever they play with.

@tabbytigger

Can’t believe the nasty replies you’ve had here. You shouldn’t have to justify your family size to a bunch of judgemental Mumsnetters. I have no advice on the room sharing but I think you sound like a lovely mum to be thinking it all through carefully. Ignore all the people who seem to have got out of bed on the wrong side this morning.

I can't believe the judgement on here over larger families. I'm one of four children and none of us have ever felt resentment over it, we liked growing up in a big family. And given that the children all live there full time it's not as if there's an element of not having their own space when at NRP's house etc. What difference does it make to anyone else?

For fuck sake. A poster asks a harmless question and the first few posts are really snide and not remotely helpful.

Just hop in your time machine op and don't get pregnant please .

As an aside, sorry but 4 children is not a big family.

Don’t get pregnant four times

Why on earth not? Is there something wrong with having a large family?

We are in a strong financial position. We could upsize if we wanted to, and will if we need to. Resources are not going to deplete because of new baby. Our house currently feels perfect. If that changes when baby comes, that changes and we move.

Yes - we had three already but agreed we wanted three more together. What a crime. I had a very happy childhood in a much bigger family, so have always wanted a big family. My children don’t resent one another.

Thank you to all the constructive suggestions here - sorry I can’t reply to them all because of the overwhelming rude responses!
I can’t remember who asked but I think I’m reluctant to make three share because of different bedtimes mostly, and wonder if 5 years is too big a gap regarding this.

Just seem the updates. I'd have the ypugest 3 in the large room and the other two girls in the room the younger are in now. I think that's fine, I don't think kids need their own room (unless a mix of boys and girls) and it is quite a new thing. I'd possibly have the box room as a 'sleepover room, . have a single bed with a trundle. Means ds can sleep in there when he is there but also means if kids want a sleepover them and their friend aren't having to share with sisters for the night. Can be there for if anyone needs a bit of quiet time too