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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider three children sharing one room?

364 replies

TabbyTigger · 03/02/2018 11:03

Our current home has 4 bedrooms.

DS is 18 and at University, lives there but comes home to stay overnight probably once a month, plus being home at holidays. He has the tiny box room and always has done.

The attic has two big rooms. Currently one is shared by DD1 (13, nearly 14) and DD2 (12), and the other by DD3 (5) and DD4 (2). The fourth bedroom is obviously ours.

DD5 is due in two weeks (eek!) and I can’t stop thinking about what we’ll do when she’s bigger. Currently, the most viable option seems to be to put her in with DD3 and 4, say when they’re 6, 3, and 1. But the room isn’t huge, so would have to be bunk bed and regular bed (currently it’s just bunk bed), and then have very little space for much other than dresser. WIBU to squeeze the three of them in together for two years, just until DS no longer needs his room? (Then DD3 can move in there, and we’ll be back to just 2 sharing each bigger room). Or should I just take a deep breath in and accept that a move is inevitable? I love this house and where it is so really don’t want to move. I’m probably just overthinking and worrying, I just cant stop wondering about how new baby is going to change our lives!!

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 03/02/2018 12:19

"Most adults do move out of their parents' house! I find it bizarre that some posters find the idea of a 20-something being independent so unusual."

Marcine he is still a student. Do you really think he could afford a flat/flatshare during the holidays?

JulyAphrodite · 03/02/2018 12:19

There is nothing wrong with two sharing a room. Could you not partition one of attic rooms to make another bedroom if they are large - so bunkbeds in one and a single/cot in the other

Throughtheforest · 03/02/2018 12:20

I wonder whether you could get or make a 3 tier bunk bed- I've seen these, they save space.

BewareOfDragons · 03/02/2018 12:20

I never went home after I graduated from University! Lots of people don't!

If you can afford 6 children and can look after them and give them opportunities to have successful, happy lives, then I don't see the problem. Your oldest has gone to University, which is an indication you take education seriously, so well done to you.

If you can afford more space, personally, I would go for it. They're only getting bigger and will start taking up more space. Wink

ShowMePotatoSalad · 03/02/2018 12:21

Who said anything about not caring for the eldest? You could keep their practically unused room free for them indefinitely, or you could use it for the baby. Perhaps have an adult discussion with them and ask what they think?

OP said resources are not an issue - she could help her eldest DC get on the property ladder or help with renting somewhere. At some point DC have to fly the nest and you don't stop loving them because you want them to go and live their life.

Shutupanddance1 · 03/02/2018 12:22

I was an 18 year old who got I suppose displaced for step siblings when my DM moved house with my SD.

They had the suggestion of me staying on the couch. I had no where to keep any of my things and I couldn’t afford to live by my self (or with friends for that matter) as I couldn’t get a job. I frequently would stay with my then boyfriend who is now my DH for the weekends I came to visit home as there was literally no room for me.

It hurt as I feel like as a young adult there was no safety net for me, no planning really had went into it. I now frequently stay with my MIL instead of staying at my mums when I return home as I have no attatchment to the place.

I’d try to ensue you have somewhere for the eldest, I’m sure you’ll figure it out. Babies are usually suppose to be in with their parents for first 12 months now anyways so I’m assuming you have another year and half before it’s really an issue?

Cherrycokewinning · 03/02/2018 12:22

Oh dear OP what nasty responses you’ve had! Congratulations on the pregnancy.

However, despite being totally pro your choice to have as many children as you like I think I would be aiming to move in baby’s first year.

The reason is I was one of only 3, but I think it tipped my parents over the age. They had all sorts of housing problems related to refurbishment, cash problems etc. It meant 3 children in one bedroom and I hated it. We argued constantly, things weren’t clean or tidy or taken care of properly (everything seemed broken, you could never find a pen or pencil etc) because they just couldn’t get organised in that situation.

I know you think that won’t happen to you. My parents wouldn’t even accept it now if I told them my view of the situation. But that’s why I would urge you to put the moving plans into place. How will they have friends round? Sleepovers etc? Study?

Hedgehog80 · 03/02/2018 12:23

Partition a room ? Could you extend further ?
We have a 4 bed house and just had our fifth dc. Our loft room is massive though currently only dd1 up there and it could easily be a room for 3 dc if we needed to.
Ignore any unhelpful responses I’m sure you will work something out

IkeaGrinch · 03/02/2018 12:23

Did you really go straight from graduating to full time work and flat share without going home first?

Yes, I moved from the house I’d shared in my third year into another shared house. I started my job about two or three weeks after my final exams and before my graduation ceremony. My job wasn’t particularly well paid but given I’d been living on student loan and some part time work it was more than enough for a room in a shared house and living expenses.

athingthateveryoneneeds · 03/02/2018 12:23

Speaking of triple bunks, have a look at this.ikea hack.

www.ikeahackers.net/2017/08/triple-bunk-bed-diy.html

Allthewaves · 03/02/2018 12:24

I don't think it's fair to push ds out.of his room. He might come home after uni

Marcine · 03/02/2018 12:24

Some people get jobs to pay their rent Lonicera, crazy I know.

BarbaraofSevillle · 03/02/2018 12:24

There's also nothing wrong with the baby going in the DSs room for the majority of the time when he is not there and then moving the baby when he comes home for the holidays.

Some of the comments about him being nastily kicked out and not being valued are ridiculous. There is no point keeping an empty room for someone who is away most of the year when someone who is there full time can use it.

Poptart4 · 03/02/2018 12:25

Growing up we lived in a 3 bedroom house and my 3 brothers had to share a room. Back then no one even gave it a second thought. All are fine, well adjusted adults. None of them need therapy to get over the trauma of having to share a room... Eye roll....

Seriously people these days need to get a grip. I'm sure your girls will be fine sharing a room for a couple of years. Ignore the snotty comments and congratulations on your new baby :)

Enidthecat · 03/02/2018 12:25

Some people are so rude!

I would bet that children would be more affected by their parents being small minded judgmental arse holes than they would be from sharing their room with 2 siblings. (You know like people have done for generations and still do in a lot of cultures)

Chienrouge · 03/02/2018 12:26

Did you really go straight from graduating to full time work and flat share without going home first?

I’m not the person who posted that comment, but that’s exactly what I did. I was offered a place on a graduate training scheme while in my final year at uni and went straight from uni to my own (rented) flat in the city my job was in. Most of my friends did similar. I went ‘home’ for a couple of weeks but that was it.

RadioGaGoo · 03/02/2018 12:26

Praisebe. Do you not understand the concept of choice?

Chienrouge · 03/02/2018 12:28

But yes OP, I think it’s fine for them to share in the short term. We have a 5 bed house and 2 DD’s and they currently share out of choice! We gave them separate rooms when we moved here and they hated it and asked to be together again.

grannytomine · 03/02/2018 12:29

Ignore my point OP, I was confusing DD5 with DC5 and thinking there was going to be another one. I can count normally.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 03/02/2018 12:29

I shared with my two sisters. One was eight years older and the other 11 years older. It was fine.

isittheholidaysyet · 03/02/2018 12:30

I really don't get mumsnet.

I want to have an abortion...
'Do what's right for you.' 'Your womb, your choice.' 'Nobody can tell you what to do with your body.'

I'm having another baby...
'How dare you!' 'You have enough kids.' 'You really shouldn't have got pregnant.'

I think some posters need to think about what being 'pro-choice' really means.

pickleofficer · 03/02/2018 12:36

Wow! Nasty comments on here!

OP, I have 3 DS and 1 DD, we live in a 3 bedroomed apartment. The boys (8,4&2) all share a room. They have bunks and shared wardrobes but we recently upgraded them all to the STUVA range from Ikea so they all have their own spaces for their own things (obv not for 2 year old but we will when he finishes with his cotbed).

DD now loves having her own room but when we first put her in there she thought she was being separated as a punishment. It took a few girlie soft furnishings to convince her that it was actually a good thing!

Chocolatesprinkledcrumpet · 03/02/2018 12:42

Op, ignore the judge pants... As if they're perfect little madams that never placed a foot wrong. Hmm

Congratulations on your new baby. As long as you have the means for them, how many you have is only your decision and that of your DP/DH.

That being said, as the eldest of five with a vast amount of sharing experience, please don't take the room away from your DS until he suggests it. Keep the baby in your room for the first year or so, then swap the girls rooms. That way you don't have to rush even if you do decide to move.

Best of luck with the delivery! Flowers

Plsadvise · 03/02/2018 12:43

Are the oldest three full siblings? Do they get on ok? If so in time I think I would put a pull-out bed into their room for DS who is at uni (even though it means boy and girls sharing its not for a lot of the time) and then let baby have the box room.
And I'd probably offer some more help to DS at the same time, as a trade off for losing his room. IE now you don't live at home any more you won't have your room, but we've put x amount away for you to help with renting expenses. And do the same for the girls as they get older

greenbeansqueen · 03/02/2018 12:47

Squeeze them together for a bit. The baby will be in a cot/toddler bed for years anyway and they don't take up as much room as a regular sized bed. By which time the eldest will be living off somewhere on his own, or will have to. I don't see they big deal, I grew up in a country where 5-6 kids were the norm and 3 or 4 might have to share a room.

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