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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really upset at how my son was treated after being sick?

267 replies

lilyrosesblue · 03/02/2018 08:50

DS vomited in class yesterday. They were watching something and he sits near the back and he didnt faint but sort of went semi conscious.

When the teacher realised she was very good and comforted DS cleared up the sick and sent a child to get a 1st aider.

The other children then went to break and the 1st aider (deputy head) kept saying how badly it smelled and the teacher should not have cleared it up as its not her job. Teacher kept saying she didnt mind and the only thing she was concerned about was ds. But the deputy kept commenting on the smell. Two other members of staff then came in and said how disgusting this was.

DS was mortified. (He is nearly 11.) Is it worth putting in a complaint?

OP posts:
LemonShark · 03/02/2018 11:04

Having RTFT ultimately I agree with this "He does sound overly sensitive, which is probably best not encouraged by complaints to school over nothing."

Also I suspect you're a little more sensitive to this situation than others would be due to what happened during your labours (defacating on the table, which is very common) and your own emotional response to that at the time. Don't pass your own emotional difficulties down to your son by making a big deal out of this!

Landed · 03/02/2018 11:05

Sometimes people don't realise what is about to happen or cannot think quickly enough to see a way out/through especially when you haven't experienced it before. Some posters are inexperienced so ignore, OP. If I could afford it I would go in with the best bunch of flowers or small flowering plant with a medium-sized card saying thank you for being so lovely/sympathetic/understanding of how awful ds felt and especially after hearing the unsympathetic remarks he heard after.

Perfectly1mperfect · 03/02/2018 11:07

LemonShark

It doesn't matter if the child is sensitive. It should not have been done to any child, sensitive or not. I have one sensitive child, one definitly not sensitive child but both would have been bothered by this.

Littlewhistle · 03/02/2018 11:11

No teachers at our school would clean up sick. The janitor would be sent for and he has some stuff that negates the smell.

BustopherJones · 03/02/2018 11:12

LemonShark I've dealt with many situations like this with adults and they're all just as embarrassed as this child sounds after being sick. Most people feel vulnerable when they've been sick, and embarrassed at being the centre of attention and sorry for putting anyone to any trouble on their behalf. We can call that oversensitive, but all that means is that sick people tend to be oversensitive, so should be treated kindly with that in mind.

grannytomine · 03/02/2018 11:18

I'd send a thank you card to the teacher thanking her for how caring and understanding she was. If I could afford it I might send her flowers. Nice people deserves reward.

Marcine · 03/02/2018 11:22

I really doubt that the people who think this child is oversensitive would be so cool with it if they were ill in front of all their work colleagues and their boss started banging on about the disgusting smell.

UnicornRainbows · 03/02/2018 11:23

*UnicornRainbows

No, dinner ladies, TAs and office staff don't have to clean up sick either. It isn't in their job description. It is a cleaning job*

But a lot of schools don't have cleaners or caretakers floating about during the day. Does everyone just leave it there?

bakingaddict · 03/02/2018 11:24

I'm a HCP and I'm sure teachers have to abide by a professional code of conduct as well. I think the deputy head fell short of this in discussing the stench of vomit in front of the child. It would be like reception staff in the lab taking stool samples of patients and proclaiming in front of that patient how bad the smell was. It wouldn't happen because my staff are aware that most people/patients are conscious and shy about bodily functions and fluids and would be mortified to be spoken about in this manner. The OP's DS should have been considered with this same respect and dignity IMO

SoupDragon · 03/02/2018 11:26

I wouldn’t complain, I would go and ask what happened because “my son was upset because he says X and Y said ....”

Aeroflotgirl · 03/02/2018 11:27

I totally agree baking, I don't know people are just not getting it. In any profession this wod not be acceptable.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/02/2018 11:28

If I was sick in a place, and staff were discussing how smelly and disgusting it was in front of me, I would be really upset. Dignity and professionalism, what if it was you.

bakingaddict · 03/02/2018 11:34

Even more so with a 11 yr old child Aeroflot, they get quite conscious of their own bodies at that age. It's things like that, that can give rise to phobia later down the line. I would complain OP definetly

Willow2017 · 03/02/2018 11:53

Gpibg agsibst the grain but i find it very unprofessional for a deputy head and anothet teachet to be so insensitive. Poor lad was ill he didnt need telling he had made a disgusting smell sevetal times.

I would definately put in a word about how good his teacher is. I bet she was embarassed having to keep defending your son against the others.

I would also ask if the others could consider the ill person's feelings in future.
Having bern a nurse for 20+ years i never saw anyone being told over and over they had made a disgusting mess/smell when they were ill. Its common sense surely?
Hope your ds is on the mend.

ChickenPaws · 03/02/2018 11:54

As adults, these people should have had the maturity to not react in this way. Yes vomit smells horrible, but their reaction seems somewhat silly and they should have been mindful of how your ds might be feeling.

Sadly, some people are lacking in empathy.

Pengggwn · 03/02/2018 11:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Willow2017 · 03/02/2018 12:02

Excuse spelling my phone hates me along with my pc they are trying to drive me insane

ScipioAfricanus · 03/02/2018 12:04

In an ideal situation, they shouldn’t have discussed this in front of him. I’ve dealt with sick (more rarely as a secondary school teacher) and I have always tried to avoid making the child feel even more self-conscious, and have assured them it is fine, not a problem. I was once sent a nice thank you note by a parent for the way I had dealt with it which was much appreciated.

However, it sounds like what the DH was doing was simply trying to point out to the teacher why you don’t clean it up yourself if you can help it, but allow cleaning staff (or whoever is trained) to use the sawdust-type material - because that contains the smell. So a conversation happened, with your DS in the room, not directed at him or really about him, but about vomit - ‘you shouldn’t have cleaned it up, now it smells horrible’ - implication being if teacher had followed proper procedure it would have been better for the smell. I think the teacher still did the right thing - your DS needed looking after since he was nearly passed out in it - but DH wouldn’t necessarily know the full story.

I might of course be trying to see the best side of the story (as a biased teacher Smile). In my experience the male teachers I was with in particular always seemed more bothered and less able to hide the disgust response.

ragged · 03/02/2018 12:04

I vomitted on a coach trip aged 11 yo and in Secondary school. Was made to clean it myself with nothing provided so used my sports kit. I had been at an athletics meet all day and had a long trip back. I was totally embarrassed, humiliated and on the verge of tears. I then was sent home, walking with no care to call an adult.

OP's child had (at least) 2 adults in attendance, at least one of whom was very kind and there instantly. 2 adults who coordinated to get all the materials and who did all the cleaning up with suitable materials, not the child's own posessions.

OP's child did not have to clean up any of his own sick.

OP was informed enough about the incident to know the lad was semi-conscious (did he go to hospital, btw?). So there was care enough to call an adult (or several, really).

Gawd, MNers don't half project their own issues.

eggncress · 03/02/2018 12:11

I would definately say something... although not official complaint.
It was insensitive to complain about the smell in front of child and disregard for his dignity and lack of respect for someone who is unwell. If it was adult being sick they probably would not have behaved like that.

LannieDuck · 03/02/2018 12:16

ScipioAfricanus

"So a conversation happened, with your DS in the room, not directed at him or really about him, but about vomit - ‘you shouldn’t have cleaned it up, now it smells horrible’ - implication being if teacher had followed proper procedure it would have been better for the smell."

That's a really interesting interpretation, and very plausible. It makes the DH potentially much less insensitive, and would have been easy for an ill 11yo to take out of context.

Willow2017 · 03/02/2018 12:22

Crikey in our primary it would have sat there until cleaners came at 3.30 if the staff didnt clean it up. What a ridiculous suggestion. Of course you clean it up would you really leave a pile of sick on the carpet for hours ?
Our staff cleaned up everything, helped kids with toilet issues etc. You know because they were caring empathetic human beings.

ScipioAfricanus · 03/02/2018 12:29

I’m not sure if you are replying to me suggestion Willow - clearly the vomit needed to be cleaned up but if the teacher did it themselves with paper towels rather than actually using the correct materials that would increase/not inhibit the smell and that’s what I meant by ‘clean it up themselves’.

I have cleaned up vomit with towels when it was on a desk (and I actually caught the vomit in my hand from that child so I am quite an empathetic human being - it was instinct as a parent). However when there’s been vomit in the corridor or on the floor protocol in my school is to cover with a chair and maybe paper towels to stop spread but then call caretaker (or if no caretaker the person in charge of the lovely sawdust stuff) to clean it up properly so it doesn’t smell as much and is properly clean so less likely to spread germs.

Spikeyball · 03/02/2018 12:31

When I've had children ( secondary age) be sick in my classroom I have told any children who made comments about it, that the comments weren't needed. I've never seen staff make comments like that in front of any pupils. They shouldn't have been said.

babyccinoo · 03/02/2018 12:33

That's a good point, Scipio. I remember they always put that sawdust stuff on vomit at school.

The deputy was maybe annoyed with teacher that she didn't follow protocol and so made the smell worse.

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