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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really upset at how my son was treated after being sick?

267 replies

lilyrosesblue · 03/02/2018 08:50

DS vomited in class yesterday. They were watching something and he sits near the back and he didnt faint but sort of went semi conscious.

When the teacher realised she was very good and comforted DS cleared up the sick and sent a child to get a 1st aider.

The other children then went to break and the 1st aider (deputy head) kept saying how badly it smelled and the teacher should not have cleared it up as its not her job. Teacher kept saying she didnt mind and the only thing she was concerned about was ds. But the deputy kept commenting on the smell. Two other members of staff then came in and said how disgusting this was.

DS was mortified. (He is nearly 11.) Is it worth putting in a complaint?

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 03/02/2018 10:32

Jaunty - this would have been a direct complaint about the deputy head if passed on. No way would I have done that.

PurpleRobe · 03/02/2018 10:35

Oh my word.

You are totally over reacting.

Of course it smelt disgusting. That's to be expected.

And you're hearing this conversation relayed by your son. It may have been "open the window, it stinks"

And it doesn't warrant an Amazon card to the nice teacher. Surely she did what any teacher would do (other than perhaps cleaning up the sick, maybe not all would do that)

Just tell your son wall vomit smells and not to be offended

ragged · 03/02/2018 10:36

I'll stretch to "unkind words", but cannot accept the claim that OP's son was "humiliated" or that the words were "cruel". Just... no. What kind of sheltered childhood has your son had?? Lucky boy.

hubobocoz · 03/02/2018 10:38

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BustopherJones · 03/02/2018 10:39

So OP should get a grip, her sick child should take the comments on the chin because he's not 5 and will be going to secondary school soon? Can't the adults do the same?

At work we have to cope with customers getting sick relatively frequently because of the volume of people we deal with. If someone can't cope with some sick without complaining then they shouldn't be a first aider, and if they acted like that I'd be replacing them. I've never had a problem with a first aider acting like that, as they're all sensible adults.

Original poster
lilyrosesblue · 03/02/2018 10:40

Sometimes the small things can be the most hurtful, ragged

OP posts:
DakotaWest · 03/02/2018 10:41

ragged I bet you would have a different reaction if your boss had said the same think about you and in front of you.

DakotaWest · 03/02/2018 10:42

*same THING
Angry

Dahlietta · 03/02/2018 10:43

Everyone has the 5 minute training on how to chuck powder over it, how to scrape it up and where to dispose of it.

I've been teaching for 15 years now and I have never had this chuck, scrape, bin training!

OP, YANBU that the teacher was unnecessarily insensitive and if you want to send her a note to say so, that is up to you.
YABhugelyU to keep comparing a schoolboy who has just been sick to a woman who has just given birth as if they are in any way comparable.

Theimpossiblegirl · 03/02/2018 10:43

They were tactless and shouldn't have commented on the smell in front of the ill child.
I wouldn't bother complaining but explain to your son that some people (yes, even teachers) say the wrong thing and he needs to ignore- once he feels better I'm sure he'll be fine. His teacher sounds lovely.

CauliflowerBalti · 03/02/2018 10:43

I’d say something. It’s not cool to humiliate a child regardless of the reason. A kid that doesn’t shower regularly stinks. The teachers shouldn’t loudly comment on it. They should sympathetically deal with it. No harm in acknowledging it - like, “phewee that smells a bit! Let’s open a window - the fresh air might help you too chicken, come and sit over here a minute...” It’s not about ignoring the facts. It’s how you deal with them, and it sounds insensitive as described by you. I’d be upset too. Being sick is horrible. Doing it in front of all your friends is somehow worse for kids - I know my son fears it.

Scabetty · 03/02/2018 10:46

Your poor ds. Hope he is feeling better. I eould email thanking class teacher for her assistance and mention how embarrassed your ds was in view of other staff comments. Maybe send to general office email. My school would have a staff circular reminding us of how to talk in front of children.

Givemestrengthorgin · 03/02/2018 10:48

I see why its annoyed you OP. If your DS is ill and therefore feeling a bit vulnerable you want to feel that those there to look after him will do so with some caring and calming behaviour and not made to feel even worse or like he has done something wrong or disgusting. Maybe not worth a formal complaint but definitely warrant a word to the school about how it was handled and to let the nice teacher know how much you and your DS appreciated her caring and empathetic response.

Perfectly1mperfect · 03/02/2018 10:49

I would let them know that their actions were unacceptable and that your son felt humiliated.

Their job is to educate and look after the children. Making him feel bad about something he could not help is not looking after his wellbeing, He felt ill, they made him feel worse, that's not ok. Teachers should build children's confidence not knock it down.

Kids being sick is pretty common in school, they are in the wrong job if they can't deal with it without commenting.

Silvercatowner · 03/02/2018 10:49

I'm fairly sure my emetophobia was triggered by a not dissimilar experience, although I was younger. Your poor DS - he didn't need that. It was insensitive in the extreme. I think I'd go in to school and say a huge 'thank you' to the teacher, perhaps with some chocolates, and just mention the negative comments. I don't think a more formal complaint will be productive.

Jaunty · 03/02/2018 10:49

Sooty, it depends how the information is passed on. An official complaint made to a class teacher would be odd. A parent raising minor concerns with a class teacher is fine. I've often had parents raise concerns about a senior member's (usually the headteacher's) conduct with me. I've told the relevant people and left them to deal with it (or not as the case may be). If the matter is serious then I will direct them to the relevant person to complain to.

Perfectly1mperfect · 03/02/2018 10:50

And most importantly, I hope your son is feeling better now. Let him know that adults don't always act appropriately, even the ones who really should. That doesn't mean he has to put up with it.

Scabetty · 03/02/2018 10:51

Ragged, I vomitted on a coach trip aged 11 yo and in Secondary school. Was made to clean it myself with nothing provided so used my sports kit. I had been at an athletics meet all day and had a long trip back. I was totally embarrassed, humiliated and on the verge of tears. I then was sent home, walking with no care to call an adult. I still remember this frim 1978. Believe me OPs ds will have felt humiliated.

BustopherJones · 03/02/2018 10:52

When I deal with people who are sick as a first aider, they mostly spend all their time saying how sorry they are to give us any trouble and make a mess. Most people feel very embarrassed about it, and 11 year olds are old enough to feel embarrassed at being sick in front of the whole class.

It's fine to comment on things like this if it's to make a kid laugh, which I imagine a pp was saying when she said she tells kids poo is disgusting - at some point most kids think poo is hilarious. But not ok to make someone feel like they've done something wrong for being ill.

People who make an unnecessary fuss about things like this are the ones who need to pull themselves together.

missbattenburg · 03/02/2018 10:54

"THREE adult members of staff (not including the teacher who helped) decided to sick shame an 11 year old child."

"sick shame"

Priceless.

babyccinoo · 03/02/2018 10:55

If he was semi-conscious then he may have misunderstood/misheard what they said.

Or they may have thought he couldn't hear.

DCITennison · 03/02/2018 10:56

Those comments, within earshot of your ds, are inappropriate and lacking empathy.

If this was our school I can assure you you would categorically not be talked about in the staff room as that parent Hmm

I definitely think you should mention it, keep it simple - this happened, ds heard, he felt...

The school will simply remind staff to be discreet and tactful.

BustopherJones · 03/02/2018 10:58

I agree, DCI, and think that in earshot of any child they're wrong to make such comments as it could lead to other children picking on the child later.

Qcumber · 03/02/2018 10:59

Wow, some real lack of empathy here Confused
I was a very shy and sensitive child and these comments would have really hurt and embarrassed me.
Yes sick does smell but you don't need to say it!
Would you go to the toilet after someone at work and declare loudly in front of that person and others that it smells disgusting? Of course not, it's incredibly rude.
I would probably mention it, I'd thank the teacher for dealing with it so well and mention the deps comments were not necessary and quite unkind.
Hope your son is feeling better OP Thanks

BrandNewHouse · 03/02/2018 11:03

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