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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really upset at how my son was treated after being sick?

267 replies

lilyrosesblue · 03/02/2018 08:50

DS vomited in class yesterday. They were watching something and he sits near the back and he didnt faint but sort of went semi conscious.

When the teacher realised she was very good and comforted DS cleared up the sick and sent a child to get a 1st aider.

The other children then went to break and the 1st aider (deputy head) kept saying how badly it smelled and the teacher should not have cleared it up as its not her job. Teacher kept saying she didnt mind and the only thing she was concerned about was ds. But the deputy kept commenting on the smell. Two other members of staff then came in and said how disgusting this was.

DS was mortified. (He is nearly 11.) Is it worth putting in a complaint?

OP posts:
Marriedwithchildren5 · 03/02/2018 09:39

Some of the comments Hmm I'd have a word. This maybe because I have had this issue at school before. Son throwing up everywhere at pick up time. Teacher cleaned it up. No issue. No drama. Me being forever grateful to that teacher.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 03/02/2018 09:41

The teacher was very kind and a thank you card for her response would be in order.

However sick smells, and you'd have to have lived a pretty sheltered life too have got to adulthood and not realised that this fact doesn't really require commenting on more than once, if at all, especially if the person who has been sick is right in front of you too. A sick child will already feel embarrassed at being sick in front of the class. Perhaps it's worth asking when the "first aider" went on a first aid course. Maybe they need a refresher course, as they do cover how to speak to patients.

ilovesooty · 03/02/2018 09:41

I can't believe the post suggesting that the teacher takes it up with the undiplomatic deputy head is serious.

And to the OP - just thank the teacher who went beyond the expectation of her role.

Original poster
lilyrosesblue · 03/02/2018 09:41

Same strummer

Like you say what does it achieve?

DS had semi passed out so she cleared it up so his head wasnt in it.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 03/02/2018 09:42

If a disabled child had a bowel movement would it be ok to say how awful and smelly and disgusting it was?

Well if that ever happens, you can start a thread about it can't you and we can all discuss it?

Right now, I'm wondering why you're bringing disabled children and their bowel movements into this?

Surely it wasn't because you weren't getting the answers you wanted?

GlitterandSequins · 03/02/2018 09:44

As daft as it seems in our school we are told not to clean up any sick (or other bodily fluids) as our site manager has specific powders than will soak it up and remove all stains and smells pretty much immediately. It doesn't always seem the right decision at the time but in the long run it makes much more sense and has saved the school a fortune on replacing rugs and carpet, especially in the early years where accidents happen quite frequently!

Sorry your DS was upset by this but I doubt very much ideas said with the intention of embarrassing him.

Loonootake2 · 03/02/2018 09:44

Whatever you do (and I think you don't need to do anything) don't ask the poor teacher to say anything to the deputy head. It could be very awkward for her to be the middleman in your complaint.

Original poster
lilyrosesblue · 03/02/2018 09:44

Ils she has some goodies being sent her way monday morning Smile she was a star and I am so grateful.

But I have been unwell myself and people saying I am disgusting for it would really upset me.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 03/02/2018 09:44

If he was semi passed out then perhaps he misunderstood.

MissionItsPossible · 03/02/2018 09:45

Surprised at all the people saying "but it does smell". Yes, OK, but what does saying so achieve apart from making an upset child feel even worse about something that isn't his fault?

I'm not great with social rules and stuff but even I know about basic tact and empathy!

Yes it was tactless and yes the comment lacked empathy and yes, it was quite a rude comment and unprofessional for a teacher to make. But vomit does smell and the AIBU was about putting in a complaint over it. Which I think yes, OP is BU.

Original poster
lilyrosesblue · 03/02/2018 09:45

I wouldnt loo don't worry.

OP posts:
mermaidbunny · 03/02/2018 09:49

I’m also really surprised at all the comments suggesting that it was acceptable for the staff member to comment about it in earshot of your son. As an adult I would be mortified if I was sick in public and everybody started complaining about the smell, never mind a child! Your poor DS, hope he is feeling okay now. I would also have a quiet word and just say he was very upset as he could hear the comments and perhaps next time the staff could be more discreet. I’m a nurse and would never, ever make comments in earshot of patients or family about bodily function smells; we all have them, we all get sick, we all know it smells! 🙄

WorraLiberty · 03/02/2018 09:49

But I have been unwell myself and people saying I am disgusting for it would really upset me.

Again, this did not happen.

No-one called your child disgusting...

Jaunty · 03/02/2018 09:49

I'm a teacher and I'm with you OP. It was unnecessary and unfair for the other staff to make such a big fuss about the smell in front of your son who was already feeling rotten and embarrassed. We all know vomit stinks so why state the bloody obvious in front of your child. It's not like he did it on purpose.

I wouldn't necessarily complain as such but definitely mention this to your ds's teacher on Monday and she can pass on your comments to the relevant people.

insancerre · 03/02/2018 09:50

But there is a difference between saying the smell was disgusting and the child was disgusting

BustopherJones · 03/02/2018 09:50

Ridiculous to start complaining about a smell in a classroom full of kids - even older ones can get caught up in joining in with things like that and you really want to minimise events like this. First aiders shouldn't act like that.

AllTheUserNamesAreTaken · 03/02/2018 09:51

Those posters saying well vomit does smell so it was fine for the deputy to say - There's lots of things which are factually correct but we still don't say because they would upset someone. Most people with a bit of empathy try to be even more sensitive when someone is feeling vulnerable.

I wouldn't complain but I would mention to the deputy that her comments upset your son (or mention via his lovely teacher when thanking her.)

Original poster
lilyrosesblue · 03/02/2018 09:51

I can only speak for myself but I wouldnt really distinguish between "ugh your vomit is stinking the room out, how disgusting" and "ugh, how disgusting."

OP posts:
DakotaWest · 03/02/2018 09:52

I second thanking the teacher. It's not something I expect of them, but one of the reason I thank all my kids teachers and we do give them gifts to show our appreciation. I haven't met any teacher yet who doesn't go beyond their job description.

The smell comment is outrageous. I can't imagine colleagues making the same comments in front of an an adult who has been sick! Would any of us says that in front of an another adult? In front of a pregnant woman suffering from morning sickness, or anyone with a sick bug? Normal people would just try to be subtle and open windows, not shame anyone unless they are completely drunk
I really struggle not to be sick around vomit, but I wouldn't be rude to anyone who is.

OP, I don't know what I would do. Not an official complaint at all, but a way to put forward that a child is now mortified and embarrassed to come back to school, the same way any of us would be mortified after an embarrassing incident in the office. Something like: thank you for helping my son, he's so embarrassed etc...

WorraLiberty · 03/02/2018 09:52

I can only speak for myself but I wouldnt really distinguish between "ugh your vomit is stinking the room out, how disgusting" and "ugh, how disgusting."

Or apparently you are disgusting.

You really do need to distinguish, otherwise the whole episode becomes something it completely wasn't.

Cherrycokewinning · 03/02/2018 09:53

I don’t know why OP is getting a hard time. The last thing a deputy head, or any teacher should be doing is humiliating a vulnerable child in front of their peers. Total arsehole thing to do. I wouldn’t complain I’d have a word with them

Hedgehog80 · 03/02/2018 09:53

Shouldn’t have been said in front of a vulnerable child, he prob felt bad enough as was ill but then felt humiliated as well
Maybe they didn’t mean to make him feel that way but I’d say it’s more about how he perceived the comment than how it was intended

ilovesooty · 03/02/2018 09:53

Again - does anyone seriously think that the teacher is going to bring this up with a senior member of staff who has already reprimanded her? Get real.

UnicornRainbows · 03/02/2018 09:54

I don't understand the drama over a teacher clearing up sick? We have buckets all over school within easy reach with all the necessary the stuff in. Do TA's clean up sick? Dinner ladies? The office staff? Why not teachers?

Aeroflotgirl · 03/02/2018 09:54

I agree, the deputy head did not handle it well, further embarrassed your DS. Who does he think should clean it up then. He should have exercised much more compassion.

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