Am I wrong to ‘performance parent’?

[tengreenbottlesstanding]

There seems to be a lot of criticism on here about ‘performance parenting’.
My ds is 2.5. His talking is not the best and we are really working on it. He is an only child and doesn’t attend nursery so a lot of his interactions/opportunities for learning things are largely down to me. On my days off work whilst we do some structured things he spends most of his time with me going to the park/shops/cafes.
I talk to him ALL of the time. “Can you see the doggy, say bye bye to check out lady. What colour is this lovely car? How many birdies are there? Can you see the train/digger/bus”?
So I guess, according to many on mumsnet, I ‘performance parent’.
But here’s the thing, I had a child because I want to talk and interact with him. It’s nothing to do with anyone around me I couldn’t give two hoots if anyone overhears my conversation with my child, in the same way a conversation in a public place may be overheard between two adults.
If people overhear me talking to ds choose to smile at him and speak to us, that’s lovely. If not, get on your way I don’t mind at all.
As a human being, he’s actually entitled to have someone (me) stimulate his mind and speak to him in a way that he will understand.
I’m also a busy working mum and I’m responsible for his learning when I am caring for him and trying to do all other jobs, so I’m trying to squeeze in colours, numbers etc with a trip to the supermarket. With all of the rude/hostile/aggressive people that you can encounter in the world, I simply can’t understand how anyone could be upset about overhearing a toddler learning their colours.
So I don’t think I’m really all that unreasonable for this ‘performance parenting’.
But if you feel children should be ignored/left to stare at an I pad/kept away from cafes or supermarkets then feel free to disagree. But I won’t ever stop talking to my child in a meaningful way.

I don’t really understand why anyone would have dc if they didn’t want to talk to them. But you know

Primark was joking.

I don’t really understand why anyone would have dc if they didn’t want to talk to them. But you know

But you've demonstrated very clearly you don't know what performance parenting is.

But here’s the thing, I had a child because I want to talk and interact with him

Ok 😂

You do sound a bit like hard work. Talk to your child by all means. But not in this over the top exhausting way. Just be a normal parent.

Cheers anti got it in one.
Actually sometimes I dont want to interact with my child. I want him to shut the fuck up on the bus so I can chill and look out the window. People don't care if you talk to you kid or not it's the stuck up cuntery of 'oooh look timmy look at these naice sheep say hello to the sheep bollocks.
Talk to your kid thats fine. Just don't do it so we all have to hear you. Especially when mine's asleep in its pram. And don't judge me for not wanting to hear your smugness

Were you the parent in the cafe from the post the other day? In all seriousness what you've described is no unreasonable at all, but I don't think it's performance parenting. PP is when all that interaction is done to show off to other people, so when you want them to hear.

Talking to your child is fine. It's when you do it at top volume for all the world to hear (whilst making sure people are looking at you) is when it becomes performance parenting.

You aren’t performance parenting, you are just parenting. Performance parenting is when you ham it up for the benefit of strangers.

@Primarkismyonlyoption are you me? 😂 my 3 year old loves telling me the colours of cars on the way to nursery, and I just want to get there, so I can get home and have a coffee and read my book.

Also, I'm still cooking up our first, but I've been around enough to know that you shouldn't have one just to interact with them. Toddler conversation is shit.

If you talk all the time how do you or the child ever get a chance to think or just be?

Yep.

I don’t really understand why anyone would have dc if they didn’t want to talk to them. But you know

,
Yeah, all those people out there having babies that they desperately don't want to talk with, ever.

I see it on here fairly often about ‘performance parenting’. Mums counting things, colours. It just seems a bit mean and judgemental, maybe I have misinterpreted the meaning. I just think it seems unfair for mums who may be really trying their best to think they are getting judged for talking to their child.
To be honest If I have came across as judgemental then maybe that’s true. I really can’t understand why you would have a child if at least some of the time you aren’t talking to them and helping them to make sense of things. Of course I acknowledge people may have difficulties themselves and communicating with dc may be more of a challenge for them.

But even for the ‘annoying’ woman who is trying to teach her toddler the alphabet in French or whatever else, maybe there is more to it and people shouldn’t be so quick to judge her. If you are talking to your child To put on a ‘performance’, when you should be enjoying your child, this can’t come from a happy place.

Primark why would you be so full of rage at overhearing a mother and toddler talking.
Do you get so angry at two adults talking?

That woman in the cafe the other made my blood pressure rise and I'm not even in the same country, she sounded a right pain in the ass!

CanI
Probably.
I do however carry off performance discipline perfectly.
In public: Grabbing that toy was very naughty. Say sorry. Mummy is very annoyed and you must give it back nicely to the nice little girl.
Well done that is lovely. Isnt it lovely to share?! #howwonderfulami?
In private: Give it back or youre off to bed. Right fine whatever I'm knackered.
#thisistherealme

I wouldn't call that performance parenting/ that's more when people do it so other people can hear and they look at you in a "look what us " type way. Having said that dd's 8 &7 were looking at the ducks on the river a few weeks ago. They're a bit ahead of me and I'm with the 4 year old whose dawdling a bit. My 7 year old shouts " "mummy I can't remember - which one is the mallard and which is the drake" now the lady behind me may have heard her shout, I don't know but I did see the sideways glance she gave me as I Called back with the answer. I'm sure she thought I was performance parenting !

Ten no I have anger issues

Who wants to come find a brick wall with me to talk to? Anyone?

What colour is the lovely car?.... Why would you call a car lovely?

It is actually possible to talk to your child at a normal volume - it's not necessary to bellow at them in such a way that everyone in a 10 metre radius hears your prattle. I would imagine that the vast majority of people talk to their children - that's not performance parenting.

"mummy I can't remember - which one is the mallard and which is the drake" now the lady behind me may have heard her shout, I don't know but I did see the sideways glance she gave me as I Called back with the answer. I'm sure she thought I was performance parenting !

You might want to brush up on your performance parenting there. A mallard is a species of duck; a drake is a male duck.

Nocabbage DH has been pointing out architectural structures to bump so I'm sure we can join in. I'll ensure I'm telling her the structural makeup and common defects of the brick wall. It's very important that she learns my voice and apparently there's zero difference between talking like a normal person and acting the nob.

I have never seen anyone performance parent.

I certainly talk to my little ones a lot more than some other parents - in exactly the way you describe. I do so because I have a fairly good knowledge of child development and it's good for them.

YANBU