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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to query the wait for a funeral

147 replies

obviousNC101 · 02/02/2018 10:23

Obviously needed to NC for this...

My grandfather died middle of last week. My grandmother and sister went to the undertakers yesterday and have a date for the funeral of the end of this month - 5 weeks after he died.

They say that this was the first date avaiable due to time of year and demand, To me, 5 weeks seems an awfully long time to wait for a funeral... is this normal in the UK?

I have a sneaking suspicion that it was pushed back to accommodate someone not very close's holiday... so im asking before i make a twat of myself and ask my sister if that's true...

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 02/02/2018 10:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doodlebug5 · 02/02/2018 10:25

My grandmas was a four week wait.

They are um... very busy just after Christmas...

mumpoints · 02/02/2018 10:25

Until recently I would have said that was a huge wait, but there have been a few similar posts recently, so perhaps there really is a big wait.

Could you not ring the funeral home and ask them rather than potentially annoying a family member?

Bluelady · 02/02/2018 10:26

It's pretty normal. The wait's always longer in the winter, particularly for cremation. I was talking to someone yesterday where the person died on 18 Jan and the funeral's on 28 Feb. Awful I know because you're in limbo until it's over.

thatwhichwecallarose · 02/02/2018 10:26

It does sound long, but I am going to a funeral today for someone who died 3 weeks ago. I wouldn’t be surprised though - it happened with my Nan’s funeral. Pushed back so one of my cousins could attend despite be fact that it meant others couldn’t.

Sleepyblueocean · 02/02/2018 10:26

1 months wait is normal this time of year.

flimp · 02/02/2018 10:27

Yes I know someone who had to wait 5 weeks from November.

PoisonousSmurf · 02/02/2018 10:27

No, it's perfectly normal. Horrible isn't it? Sorry for your loss Flowers

Redglitter · 02/02/2018 10:27

Whats to be gained by asking though. Its your Grans decision. If she's decided to wait then that's up to her.

I think times depend on areas several weeks isn't unusual

blueberryporridge · 02/02/2018 10:27

Where I live (Scotland), 7-10 days is a long time to wait. Must be really difficult having to wait 4-5 weeks. Sorry for your loss.

imnotalpharius · 02/02/2018 10:28

A long wait is quite normal at the moment, booking a funeral around holidays is also very normal.

FloydOnThePull · 02/02/2018 10:28

Sorry for your loss but yes, that's normal. Flowers

TheInimitableMrsFanshawe · 02/02/2018 10:29

My grandfather died on February 18th last year and the funeral was on 23rd March.

blueskyinmarch · 02/02/2018 10:29

If they are using a crematorium then it is possible that they will have to wait a lengthy period, especially at this time of year. Lots of elderly people are very susceptible to flu etc during the winter sadly.

Redglitter · 02/02/2018 10:30

blueberry I was thinking that too. Im glad it seems to be quicker up here. My dad's funeral was a week after he died.

NoqontroI · 02/02/2018 10:31

Even if it is pushed back for a holiday, does it matter if that's what your gran wants.

OnionKnight · 02/02/2018 10:31

It's normal for this time of year, my friends mum passed away last week and her funeral is not until the end of this month.

2birds1chick · 02/02/2018 10:32

My BIL's grandmother died 17th Jan. Her funeral is 14th Feb. Would have been longer, but apparently no one wanted that date, for some reason...

Oblomov18 · 02/02/2018 10:32

Yes, it's quite normal, I'm afraid. Busy times of the year, eg after Christmas. Dh was upset, because we had similar wait for mil. Very upsetting. Sad

ShatnersWig · 02/02/2018 10:33

It does seem to be the norm these days, at not just at this time of year. Most funerals I've been to in the last couple of years have been 4 weeks or so after the death.

However, I am certain they never used to be so long after the death with such regularity. Most funerals seemed to be around 2 weeks after. Of course in some religions, they seem to be able to do it almost immediately.

So I'm not sure it is time of year any more. I suspect the truth is a lot more pressure on crematoriums as there are far fewer burials now and there just aren't sufficient crematoria to cope with demand (which is an awful way of putting it but you know what I mean).

HollyBayTree · 02/02/2018 10:33

Very normal, I've seen 7 week waits.

Depends where you are, in more densley populated areas, it will be longer, crematoriums tend to only work day light hours, so 5-6 funerals a day at the moment, last funeral starting at 2pm, in summer the last funeral is at 4 (or it is in our local crem) making 7-8 funerals a day.

If it's up country, the weather is freezing, then the ground will be too solid to dig out a grave by hand. Not everywhere is accessible for dinkum digger.

Newkidontheblock22 · 02/02/2018 10:37

Sorry for your loss.

When we were planning a funeral this time last year the wait was about 6 weeks for our funeral directors. So although it may seem a long time it is plausible

Original poster
obviousNC101 · 02/02/2018 10:40

Thanks for your responses - sounds like it is normal then. It's right smack bang in the middle of my holiday so obviously i've now got some issues to resolve and I just wanted to make sure that it hadnt been deliberately done to accommodate someone else at my expense.

To the snide posters above, at no point did i say that ny nan couldnt have it when she wanted. I just wondered if what i was told about the date being the earliest avaiable is ture. Sounds like it is so i will leave it.

How i deal with the 6-person group holiday is now the issue.

OP posts:
Bindibot · 02/02/2018 10:41

I'm Irish living (a long time) in England, and it still surprises me...

If you don't know in Ireland anything over 3 days is considered unusual; and delays are usually due to someone traveling back form abroad.

You would think that they know there is going to be a 'surge' in the winter and make adjustments. Thought I'll admit I have no idea what the adjustments could be.

Chewbecca · 02/02/2018 10:42

Not unusual sadly.

I missed my GM's funeral because I was on holiday. I looked into flights home (just for me, leaving rest of family away) but they didn't work out.

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