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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to query the wait for a funeral

147 replies

obviousNC101 · 02/02/2018 10:23

Obviously needed to NC for this...

My grandfather died middle of last week. My grandmother and sister went to the undertakers yesterday and have a date for the funeral of the end of this month - 5 weeks after he died.

They say that this was the first date avaiable due to time of year and demand, To me, 5 weeks seems an awfully long time to wait for a funeral... is this normal in the UK?

I have a sneaking suspicion that it was pushed back to accommodate someone not very close's holiday... so im asking before i make a twat of myself and ask my sister if that's true...

OP posts:

Rebeccatheold · 02/02/2018 11:49

That's quite a normal wait. There's a lot to coordinate in a funeral with church and/or crematorium. Especially at this time of year. You also need to potentially give time for people to make arrangements to attend.

Sorry for your loss.

grannytomine · 02/02/2018 11:51

It can depend on if you are willing to take any time slot.

Amie021 · 02/02/2018 11:53

I am sorry for your loss. My lovely MIL died in early November 2016 and her cremation wasnt able to be held until mid December as sadly at this time of year they are very busy.

Ginkypig · 02/02/2018 11:53

Could you travel back from the holiday just for the service then travel back after it?

sonsmum · 02/02/2018 11:57

alas it will be because this is the season of lots of deaths and lots of funerals.
It will not be because they are 'stalling' anyone for any reason.
They want to complete the funeral as quick as they can, then they get paid.
sorry for the loss.

Draylon · 02/02/2018 11:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jakadaal · 02/02/2018 11:57

My aunt died in November and funeral (requiem mass and cremation) was a week later. Another aunt passed away between Christmas and New Year and her service and crem took 4 weeks. It’s variable.

CuriousMama · 02/02/2018 12:03

My mam's end of life. I'm at the hospital now been here days I'm dreading the wait.

Sorry you're suffering OP x

Nibledbyducks · 02/02/2018 12:05

It's a bad year, I know of a small hospital in the rural southwest that has a full mortuary and is sending bodies to a bigger hospital just because the pathologist can't get autopsys done ant quicker, the Australian Flu probably has something to do with it.

bananafish81 · 02/02/2018 12:06

I'm scratching my head thinking how it can be that Jewish and Muslim death certificates can be issued so quickly if there's normally such a wait for documentation (as well as burial / cremation arrangements)

We got the paperwork the same day, Mum died in the morning, we took the certificate to the funeral home in the evening - and if it weren't for the following day being a Saturday, she'd have been buried the next day.

shouldaknownbetter · 02/02/2018 12:07

Perfectly normal I had a relative pass away mid Jan and funeral is not until the 3rd week of Feb, 5 weeks or so.

I prefer the jewish tradition, where the body must be buried as soon as possible, within 24 hours if pos, but there is then a stone setting a year later when the relatives come together again to remember the person who died in a more contemplative way.

stickygotstuck · 02/02/2018 12:09

OP, sorry for your loss.

Just like bananafish, this is an eye opener for me too.
They're not Jewish, but I recently had to travel to Spain the funeral of a family member, and funerals there are within 24 or 48 hours. I was extremely lucky to find a flight that got me there on time (but of course everyone would have understood if I couldn't, and they can be delayed for a day or two to enable specific people to get there).

Seems to me that that does not give people time to grieve, and sorting out the practicalities is a nightmare when you just lost someone and are in a daze. Like other PPs, I also wondered which wast best - short or long wait. Still can't make up my mind. I think 5 weeks is such a long wait it would make it harder for me personally.

The other thing that I wondered about was the lack of crematoria. Someone said upthread that councils don't want them on their land. Is that the case? Does anyone know why that is? Because there is clearly a shortage.

Draylon · 02/02/2018 12:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mrscog · 02/02/2018 12:13

Surely we're going to need more crematoriums going forward otherwise this whole problem is going to get worse?!

bigbluebus · 02/02/2018 12:15

There's been an equipment breakdown at one of my local Crems meaning that they are only running at 50% capacity at their busiest time of year. I believe they've put some additional Saturday slots in to relieve some of the pressure but I wouldn't be at all surprised if the wait wasn't 5 weeks given that it is usually over 2 weeks anyway.

CuriousMama · 02/02/2018 12:15

Draylon I honestly didn't realise how long it can take. She hasn't eaten for weeks. Drip is off and it's just waiting game. Hospital are fantastic though.

Draylon · 02/02/2018 12:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RockinHippy · 02/02/2018 12:17

My ex FIL died Xmas day. Similar wait for the funeral. I do think it's normal this time of year

Draylon · 02/02/2018 12:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GrowThroughWhatYouGoThrough · 02/02/2018 12:21

There is a long wait at the mo it's the time of the year combined with this awful flu virus. We've had to wait 4/5 weeks for my great uncles funeral

MrsHathaway · 02/02/2018 12:26

My grandpa was buried within a week: late spring, close-knit rural population, good relationships with the church and undertakers, space to have the "do" at home afterwards. Village basically closed down for the day.

By contrast GMIL was more like three or five weeks: died in winter, suburban population with very busy crematorium so it was a two-hour slot start to finish. Finding a crem slot that fit in conveniently with a slot at the village hall for the "do" was quite a dance.

I'm sorry for your loss. I think it's more likely to be circumstance. And even if it has been pushed for uncle's holiday, that could be because your grandma knows he won't come otherwise, whereas she can rely on you to be there regardless.

Nicknacky · 02/02/2018 12:28

Is your uncle your grandfathers son?

greendale17 · 02/02/2018 12:32

Very normal for this time of the uear

Seeingadistance · 02/02/2018 12:33

Some crematoria are council owned and operated, so I'm not sure why councils would be opposed to having them on their land. Councils tend not to be big landowners anyway, so if they wanted to build a crematorium they'd probably have to buy the land to build it on.

Lovemusic33 · 02/02/2018 12:38

Seems to be the average wait now days, I can remember when people used to be buried within a week or ten days of passing.

This time of year is always the worst as more people pass in the winter. It’s hard on the families who want to get the funeral over with so they can grieve.

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