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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to query the wait for a funeral

147 replies

obviousNC101 · 02/02/2018 10:23

Obviously needed to NC for this...

My grandfather died middle of last week. My grandmother and sister went to the undertakers yesterday and have a date for the funeral of the end of this month - 5 weeks after he died.

They say that this was the first date avaiable due to time of year and demand, To me, 5 weeks seems an awfully long time to wait for a funeral... is this normal in the UK?

I have a sneaking suspicion that it was pushed back to accommodate someone not very close's holiday... so im asking before i make a twat of myself and ask my sister if that's true...

OP posts:
Original poster
obviousNC101 · 02/02/2018 10:42

Bindibot - DP is irish and said the same thing! Which is what got me wondering.

Plus, my other grandad died in January a couple of years ago and he was cremated within 2 weeks. So i didnt think my questio or suspicion was unreasonable.

At least i chose to ask here rather than upsetting anyone in real life...

OP posts:
Situp · 02/02/2018 10:43

We waited 4 weeks for the death certificate and then couldn't get a crematorium appointment for another 4 weeks. January is terrible.

mojito55 · 02/02/2018 10:43

What's the harm in anonymously calling the same funeral place and asking for their availability?

HollyBayTree · 02/02/2018 10:44

A copy of the death certificate and confirmation from the funeral home, and you should be able to claim back on your travel insurance. I realise some people think Richard Branson is the devil incarnate, but Virgin are extrememly good when dealing with bereavments.

MontyPythonsFlyingFuck · 02/02/2018 10:44

Entirely normal wait, as others have said. If it's a cremation, the UK hasn't got enough to meet demand, but oddly enough most councils don't want them on their land, apparently (I have a relative who works in the funerals business).

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope the funeral, when it eventually comes, is as good an occasion as it can be in the circumstances.

Hissy · 02/02/2018 10:44

Do your family know you are supposed to be away? if 5 weeks is the earliest, why not 6?

Singlebutmarried · 02/02/2018 10:44

Does your holiday insurance cover you cancelling in case of bereavement?

Also 6 week wait for my nan 😕

ImTheMary · 02/02/2018 10:45

We are going through the same thing at the moment, OP. It's so frustrating and upsetting as we want to bury our GF and start to move on but we'll have had a 5 week gap between his death and the cremation.

Sorry for your loss.

Rinceoir · 02/02/2018 10:46

I agree with @Bindibot, I find the wait for funerals in England very strange. When I started work here (doctor) the mortuary staff in the hospital commented that I was so timely with filling out death certificates and cremation forms- I had no idea that funerals were often delayed for weeks.

I often wonder which is better for the family- do people value the time to grieve and plan?

SukiTheDog · 02/02/2018 10:46
Flowers

It’s often the case, at this time of year.

Woofygoldberg · 02/02/2018 10:47

We had a Family bereavement on Christmas day, & the earliest the funeral could be held was the 23rd Jan (that was a Church with burial.)

The undertakers were surprised at how early the date was as it was sudden & an PM had to be done. They had told us to prepare that it could be February before the funeral could take place.

HelenaJustina · 02/02/2018 10:47

Normal for the UK but crappy. I prefer the Irish system where it would be unusual for it to be more than a 3 day wait. It can mean a scramble to get there on time though if you have to travel any distance.

Original poster
obviousNC101 · 02/02/2018 10:49

Holiday insurance covers some of the cost, yes, but not all of it. Only i would be covered as DP and friends are not related to grandad, and a lot of the cost was split 6 ways with no personal split receipt so would be difficult to claim.

To be honest i am not bothered about losing money though so it's a non-point.

My issue stems from a few other things that I wont go into here. It's another thread for another time.

OP posts:
Roomba · 02/02/2018 10:49

My Uncle died last week. They are having to wait 4.5 weeks for the funeral as it's just fully booked up until then (this is in East Yorks). Funeral director said it's the time of year with the longest wait, due to people dying of illnesses exacerbated by the cold, flu epidemics, and so on.

Sorry for your loss and that you're having to wait so long. It doesn't help the grieving process I know, but I don't see what else can be done unfortunately.

MermaidHead · 02/02/2018 10:50

In some circumstances crematoria have a facility where you can watch the funeral online if you are abroad and unable to attend. Might be worth looking into?

AnyFucker · 02/02/2018 10:50

Ah. So this is about the funeral clashing with your holiday then ?

AnnieAnoniMouse · 02/02/2018 10:51

I’m sorry to hear about your Grandad.

Does your Nan realise you’re away then? If they’re waiting that long, can they not wait until you’re back?

It’s horrible waiting. It seemed ages between my Dad dying and the funeral, but looking back it was actually only 6 days. I don’t know how people live in that state of limbo for so long 💐

bluescreen · 02/02/2018 10:51

It's normal, I'm afraid, especially at this time of year when the Christmas break (no funerals then) and higher winter mortality rate makes delays longer than usual, and it's usually quite bad anyway. I was just talking to an Irish friend this morning who's come back from a funeral there, where they are as a PP says held within about 3 days, and we were comparing the funeral of a neighbour here in England where there'll be a five week delay. There just isn't the capacity in crematoria.

crunchymint · 02/02/2018 10:51

It is far too long a wait, but sadly normal in my experience.

amusedbush · 02/02/2018 10:52

My grandad's funeral is late next week, three weeks after he died and I thought that was quite a wait. Five weeks seems really long.

Roomba · 02/02/2018 10:53

That said, most funerals I've been to over the last 20 years have been within two weeks of death at most other times of year? Unless there is a delay for postmortem or because the deceased wanted to be buried in another parish, lots of relatives coming from abroad, that sort of thing.

Viviennemary · 02/02/2018 10:55

Five weeks is ridiculous. I would approach another firm of undertakers.

Huntinginthedark · 02/02/2018 10:58

@AnyFucker
The impression I got is that the op thought it might have been delayed to acomadate someone who was not not close to DG.

For example cousins new boyfriend is on a works trip or next door neighbours wife is on holiday. And the gist I got is that this “person” has a bit of control on the GM

So yes if that had been the case I would be a bit miffed if I was the op.

MadisonAvenue · 02/02/2018 10:58

Sadly this is normal for where I live, regardless of the time of year. My area has run out of burial space so unless the deceased has already reserved a burial spot in the cemetery, it's cremation only and there's a huge wait for availability.

I think it's an horrendous situation.

BrickInTheWall · 02/02/2018 10:59

I am in Scotland, not near a big city and my husband works at a funeral directors. They have been full since before Christmas and have a backlog of people at the local hospital. There is a 4-5 week wait at the moment. I don't know why but it seems particularly worse this year, at the same time last year it was more like a 3 week wait.
For my husband's company it's problems with trying to get a slot at the crematorium or with a minister rather than anything to do with them.

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