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Original poster

Au pair yelled at ds

259 replies

bummymummythefirst · 02/02/2018 01:29

We're on holiday in a beach resort type place

Hanging out at the resort playground today. Ds (4) has been playing with a couple of kids (one 6 a girl, 5 a boy and his sister 2) for a couple of hours.

All being adorably sweet and playing some nice game involving being Octonaughts.

The 5 year old and 2 year old are being watched by an au pair/nanny type of girl. She looks about 15/16. Parents are down the beach a little.

The boy suddenly really smacks his head. Starts bawling and the au pair is trying to comfort him.

Ds walks over and tries to stroke the kid's back like the au pair was doing.

The girl screams 'get away from him, just go away!' and gives ds a little push.

Ds comes back a little miffed and hurt but not lastingly bothered.

I was about to go and tell her she was totally out of order. And tell the parents what she'd done too.

Dh stopped me and told me I shouldn't.

So I didn't but now I'm cross with myself. Yes she was only young, and I wouldn't have kicked off, rather told her it's not ok to speak to people like that at all or lay hands on them even if they had done anything wrong. Which ds hadn't, he was trying to be helpful.

(Obviously my instant reaction was to shove her face in to the sand and go all 'Hand that Rocks The Cradle' on her. Angry)

I should have pulled her up on it no? I feel like a failed ds a bit today. Sad

OP posts:
JoeyMaynardssolidlump · 02/02/2018 17:09

I think you should just watch your own kids and enjoy your holiday.

You sound way too over invested in other people’s parenting styles and family dynamics. Take a chill pill

Nanny0gg · 02/02/2018 17:13

All of you who saying pushing is fine would really be ok with someone pushing your 4 year old?

Not if it was at soft play they wouldn't.

BlueMirror · 02/02/2018 17:56

It doesn't look like we're going to get any clarification about the push.

As for the 6 yr old alone, if a parent is in eyesight from a window or checking on them every now and then that would be fine for me.
I let my dc play out alone when they were 6 - sometimes out of sight for a bit. A sensible 6 yr old should be old enough to know not to go into the water.

Original poster
bummymummythefirst · 02/02/2018 18:09

Don't be snippy blue. Excuse me if I'm not glued to my phone. Being on holiday and all. Hmm

It was more than a gentle directional nudge, less than a hard shove.

As I initially said, a little push.

It was that combined with the shouting. It was aggressive.

The six year old has been doing my nut in bless her. She's been chatting to me about mermaids and unicorns for sodding ages! Grin

OP posts:
LostInShoebiz · 02/02/2018 18:15

All this "what if an adult were pushed" is a bit misleading. If an adult were pushed out of the blue, yes not on. But if an adult is crowding around an incident and getting in the way and the person at the centre would benefit from some space then a gentle push out of the way is acceptable when there is clearly lots going on and not a lot of time to explain/reason.

Bluedoglead · 02/02/2018 18:28

You don’t even know that she was employed.

And if you employed an 11 year old to look after your 3/4 year old you are quite frankly taking a big risk and I’m a laid back parent

Original poster
bummymummythefirst · 02/02/2018 18:32

@Bluedoglead did you miss he part where I said 'while I do housework'?

We have an open plan house. I could literally see her all of the time.

As I said, I hired her to play with ds.

I also said I've made a huge effort to back off of ds and not helicopter as I suffer from anxiety. I'm anything but a laid back parent. But. It sure why that would be an insult anyway.

Read people's posts properly before being a snidey ass.

I wish people would rtft.

OP posts:
Bluedoglead · 02/02/2018 18:34

Oh whatever. I really don’t know what you wanted from this thread.

I hope you enjoy the rest of your break.

isadoradancing123 · 02/02/2018 20:43

Omg, it was probably not a push as such, your kid was being kind but he was in the way, get a fucking grip

TheDowagerCuntess · 02/02/2018 21:20

Bummy - maybe you can provide a quick brief on acceptable responses to your thread, because at the moment, we're all just pissing you off. Wine

MeAndMyDog · 03/02/2018 01:16

If someone had shouted at and pushed an adult the responses would be very different

Do you honestly think that your 4 year old was acting the same way in the situation that an adult would?

You said that you didn't go over because the parents of the other child were close by, but why didn't you IMMEDIATELY get you own child out of the way? Why did you leave your 4 year old wondering around with an overwhelmed teenager?

No, she shouldn't have shouted at him and pushed him, that wasn't right. But he should not have been close enough to her that she could while she was tending to an injured child.

bridgetoc · 03/02/2018 01:54

Your poor baby OP..... Your poor, poor baby boy. Halo

Get a grip.........

Royalfuckup · 03/02/2018 02:56

Do you have any other children OP?

Lethaldrizzle · 03/02/2018 07:25

Blimey some pretty hostile responses on here!

shakingmyhead1 · 03/02/2018 07:37

fuck me people are weird.... she put her hand on your kid.... think about that..... i dont care what the circumstances were she put her hands on your kid, if it was mine she would have been told she does that again she wont get the hand back....

princesssparkle1 · 03/02/2018 07:52

I'm interested to know why you do what your DH says?

Bonjovispyjamas · 03/02/2018 08:26

You said the 6 year old girl is doing your nut in,maybe your son was doing the poor overwhelmed girls nut in too by not leaving them alone?

youarenotkiddingme · 03/02/2018 08:40

Amazed at some responses here.

I know some MNers are desperate not to be labelled snowflakes or their kids labelled snowflakes but we are seriously heading to danger territory if it becomes ok for children to be shoved by adults. As well as danger territory if children should be discouraged from showing care and empathy.

pictish · 03/02/2018 08:58

Amazed at how “a little push” has become “shoved’ too.
Ffs worse things happen at sea...the lassie was stressed and wanted the wee lad to go the fuck away. Have you never been young and inexperienced or panicked/lost your temper/treated someone a bit more sharply than you should? Course you bloody have. Nothing happened here. The boy will both live and never think of it again.
Perspective. It’s a thing.

NataliaOsipova · 03/02/2018 09:02

Amazed at how “a little push” has become “shoved’ too.

I thought that too!

Lizzie48 · 03/02/2018 09:09

The people who noticeably didn't step up in this situation were the parents of the boy who was hurt. If one of my DDs banged her head, I would be over there like a shot, not leave it to a 15 year old au pair.

The OP or her DH should have called their DS back, though.

youarenotkiddingme · 03/02/2018 09:28

A shove is a little push where I'm from. We would say 'shove' a lot. Eg shove over! That just means move up a bit on a sofa etc! It's a little action.

Beezley · 03/02/2018 17:32

If you see her again just give her a shove and ask how she likes it !

CaMePlaitPas · 03/02/2018 17:56

This is what happens when children look after children. You say that your son wasn't lastingly bothered, ask him if he's OK and if not then explain that some people aren't very nice and even if you say sorry people aren't obliged to accept their apology. If nothing is mentioned, forget it, move on.

Abbylee · 03/02/2018 17:58

It sounds like a child watching children. Not everyone is calm under stress. Also, while you think that your child was comforting the other hurt, crying child, it was not helpful to have him "comfort" the other child

Crying children need to be comforted by their carer, not playmates. After the initial spate of crying, your child's input may have been helpful but not in the heart of the moment.

I have moved children away by "pushing" or by using my palm to move a child bc children do not always understand words when intent on what they are doing. Not roughly, not loudly but I'm decades older than 16.

I think the young girl was afraid (read all of the PFB stories), panicked, worried and over reacted. My parents would become upset with me if my younger brother got hurt, it didn't matter, it was my fault. Who knows her situation?

I would have pulled my child out of the situation as quickly as possible to allow the girl time and space to stop the crying.

She was also watching other children? That's difficult to comfort and watch, especially by water.
Why didn't you go help?
I would have told my dc that she was not right but she was worried and next time, just come back to me if the playmates are crying.

You were getting free babysitting? I wouldn't have been happy to have another child to watch in that situation.

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