Au pair yelled at ds

[bummymummythefirst]

We're on holiday in a beach resort type place

Hanging out at the resort playground today. Ds (4) has been playing with a couple of kids (one 6 a girl, 5 a boy and his sister 2) for a couple of hours.

All being adorably sweet and playing some nice game involving being Octonaughts.

The 5 year old and 2 year old are being watched by an au pair/nanny type of girl. She looks about 15/16. Parents are down the beach a little.

The boy suddenly really smacks his head. Starts bawling and the au pair is trying to comfort him.

Ds walks over and tries to stroke the kid's back like the au pair was doing.

The girl screams 'get away from him, just go away!' and gives ds a little push.

Ds comes back a little miffed and hurt but not lastingly bothered.

I was about to go and tell her she was totally out of order. And tell the parents what she'd done too.

Dh stopped me and told me I shouldn't.

So I didn't but now I'm cross with myself. Yes she was only young, and I wouldn't have kicked off, rather told her it's not ok to speak to people like that at all or lay hands on them even if they had done anything wrong. Which ds hadn't, he was trying to be helpful.

(Obviously my instant reaction was to shove her face in to the sand and go all 'Hand that Rocks The Cradle' on her. )

I should have pulled her up on it no? I feel like a failed ds a bit today.

The child she was looking after probably didn't want an audience while he was crying- often they're embarrassed and don't want other children to see them in a state.

No you didn't fail him. She shouldn't have shouted and pushed him of course but if the other little boy 'really smacked his head' it wouldn't have been appropriate in that moment to go over and confront her. It actually sounds like she wasn't coping very well, it might have been a better idea to go over and see if everything was OK with the injured child.

yanbu even if she is a child I would be annoyed at a 10 year old shouting at a 4 year old. I Would Definately have spoke to a 15 year old.

it's passed now try not to let it ruin holiday but I would feel the same as you.

I'm surprised at the replies here. Her actions were unacceptable. I would have spoken to her and possibly the parents too.

I probably would have said something there, and if I was still stewing over it, I’d speak to the aupair or the parents. But I’m a ‘can’t keep my mouth shut’ type.

Actually, she could be doing that to the children who she’s looking after as well. Speak to the parents.

She looks about 15/16.

Perhaps she was feeling stressed at missing a chunk of her GCSE schooling to go away on holiday and supervise children.

In future watch your own children and remove them when a situation arises and they are obviously not helping.

If she looks about 15 then how do you know she isn't a daughter or step daughter or even adopted daughter to the couple, or even a niece or cousin, or the child of a friend holidaying with the couple.?

15 is not a nanny or aupair, if you were that close enough to see it happen, why weren't you watching you own child instead of letting an older child (that you didn't know apart from knowing them from the holiday resort) watch over your child when she had other children to keep an eye on, you are judging her for pushing your child, but she may not have felt able to cope, and you did nothing to help (you were happy to let her watch over your child while he was playing but didn't go over and help with an accident).. your husband is right, let it go, because you won't come out of it looking good either,

I am actually shocked at some of the responses on here! Of course none of us (OP included!) know what the age or position of the girl in question is...but assuming she's as young as the OP says, then she's not going to be a nanny or au pair. But that's not really the point and none of our business! However, regardless of age or position, someone VERY MUCH OLDER THAN FOUR pushed and yelled at a small child. I can't imagine how IRL any of you would ever say that was acceptable! How it's dealt with does depend on context though...but it's never acceptable! We can't surmise what this young girl was feeling...so don't know why she reacted that way...but the adults with her ought to have been informed 'just in case' there were other issues that we know nothing about. I know that I'd want to know if someone charged with looking after my children was pushing/yelling at other children.

Agree with Norfolk. Am shocked at the hostile responses on here. The girl was completely out of order and there is no excuse for her behaviour but I would have said something at the time.

The op should have been actively parenting her own child instead of expecting an au pair that someone else was paying for to do it for her.

And most people don't want to be "helped" by your 4 year old. Surely you know that.

I'm afraid this was my thought too. Yes, in an ideal world she shouldn't have yelled at your son. But she was frightened and dealing with a hurt and upset child. You should have either offered to help or made sure your small child stayed out of it.

I would’ve gone over to check the other child was ok and see if mine had done anything.

There is no sign that the OP was not parenting her child.

I would be cross with my 11 year old if they reacted like that to another child, however cross they were.

Of course she didn't need the help of a four year old. That is no excuse for pushing him.

AIBU is so strange

Why did your dh stop you?

I think this is the kind of thing that needs to be dealt with at the time - and calmly without anger. I would only follow up afterwards with the parents if I’d seen a pattern or repeat behaviour.

How was she not parenting her child?!

What do you mean by "little push"?

Yes, if an adult was crying, one was comforting them and a stranger started stroking their head and was given a little push and shouted at to go away I would say let it go.

"So it's ok to push people now?"

If they're touching your or someone you're looking after then yes, a little push is legally and morally justified.

As the adult there with a child having hurt himself badly surely you should have gone over anyway to help. She was clearly overwhelmed at the situation

Natalia that my thoughts too.

When we've been on holiday, our DDs have played with other children; sometimes near us, sometimes near the other children's parents. We've always been parenting them though, ie keeping an eye on them, which I'm sure the OP and her DH were doing.

I'm shocked at some of the responses on here. I'm sure none of us would be happy if an adult pushed our 4 year old DC and screamed at him.

YANBU to be annoyed with the girl, but I wouldn't talk to the parents, they'll just put all the blame her and not take responsibility for not being there themselves. I agree with PPs that it sounds like an older sister rather than an au pair or nanny.

I’m a nanny if a child approached my charge when she had hurt herself. I would say oh look this little boy has come to see your ok isn’t that nice etc,

Are you sure your little boy didn’t do something to him first? She sounds a bit unhinged ;/

She’s not a nanny. She’s not even an au pair. According to what the op says she’s a child who has been left watching other children.

It is completely unreasonable to expect her to mind the op child too - which she has been doing, and the op should have kept her own 4year old out of it. A 4year old does not help in that kind of situation. I might even have told my own DH to keep a 4 year old out of my hair if I was trying to comfort a child who had had a bad bang on the head and was bawling.

It wasn't right for her to do that but she must have been extremely worried and I am also thinking the parents may be horrible to her and she is scared. Lots of things could be in the mix here. Am glad your ds is ok Op and let it go, it really is her bad not yours.