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Original poster

Au pair yelled at ds

259 replies

bummymummythefirst · 02/02/2018 01:29

We're on holiday in a beach resort type place

Hanging out at the resort playground today. Ds (4) has been playing with a couple of kids (one 6 a girl, 5 a boy and his sister 2) for a couple of hours.

All being adorably sweet and playing some nice game involving being Octonaughts.

The 5 year old and 2 year old are being watched by an au pair/nanny type of girl. She looks about 15/16. Parents are down the beach a little.

The boy suddenly really smacks his head. Starts bawling and the au pair is trying to comfort him.

Ds walks over and tries to stroke the kid's back like the au pair was doing.

The girl screams 'get away from him, just go away!' and gives ds a little push.

Ds comes back a little miffed and hurt but not lastingly bothered.

I was about to go and tell her she was totally out of order. And tell the parents what she'd done too.

Dh stopped me and told me I shouldn't.

So I didn't but now I'm cross with myself. Yes she was only young, and I wouldn't have kicked off, rather told her it's not ok to speak to people like that at all or lay hands on them even if they had done anything wrong. Which ds hadn't, he was trying to be helpful.

(Obviously my instant reaction was to shove her face in to the sand and go all 'Hand that Rocks The Cradle' on her. Angry)

I should have pulled her up on it no? I feel like a failed ds a bit today. Sad

OP posts:
ShiftyMcGifty · 02/02/2018 16:20

“The other little girl's parents were sat watching her. I was watching ds. The other two were playing with them. She wasn't doing any more watching than we were.

I'm really surprised the parents didn't do something. They weren't facing the playground but I'm sure they must have heard. ”

I think other posters are getting a bit arsey because you keep changing the story. A light push that was no big deal is now a shove by an adult.

Other parents are watching their kids. Then they’re not. Then they have their backs turned.

Let’s just focus- their child cried, and they trusted this girl/woman to comfort their child without doing so themselves. Your “professional opinion” means fuck all to them and your husband was right to tell you to stay out it.

Original poster
bummymummythefirst · 02/02/2018 16:24

The six year old girl is here alone today. Is it me or is that a little young to be unsupervised?

And I'm sure she's alone. She been here an hour and not seen her parents once.

It seems pretty safe here but it's open to the beach where obviously there's water and people.

Am I being an over stuffy British fusspot in thinking that's a little TOO relaxed?! Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
bummymummythefirst · 02/02/2018 16:26

How am I changing the story?

OP posts:
Vibe2018 · 02/02/2018 16:26

Mumsnet is weird. On threads where small children hit each other there is zero tolerance - but when a teenager pushes a small child its somehow justified.

Original poster
bummymummythefirst · 02/02/2018 16:28

The parents of a different girl. Please bother to actually read my posts before wading in.

OP posts:
Vibe2018 · 02/02/2018 16:29

*Today 15:23 HaudYerWheeshtBawbag

I think it was a over reaction on her part, but the child may have additional needs and the carer was trying to handle it before it became much worse*

My son has autism and can get very distressed when he is hurt but I would never push a child trying to be kind.

Original poster
bummymummythefirst · 02/02/2018 16:30

I'm as sure as I can be he doesn't have additional needs. He's been here this morning too.

OP posts:
Jenna43 · 02/02/2018 16:33

Mumsnet is weird. On threads where small children hit each other there is zero tolerance - but when a teenager pushes a small child its somehow justified

Haha yes. Also, everyone saying to OP "You should be watching your own child - how dare you not hover over your child"....but it's ok for the injured childs parents to be sat away from him, back to him and not respond to his crying...that's totally fine by all accountsConfused

PeonyTruffle · 02/02/2018 16:36

Op, I would have said something. I don’t think she meant to do it but when you’re responsible for multiple children that can’t be your reaction in a situation like that.

And your poor son was just trying to help after all, he hadn’t caused the accident!

WhiteWalkersWife · 02/02/2018 16:39

I would ask the 6 year old where her mum dad and sister is. If the girl wasnt a sister the 6 year old will probably correct you and you can be assured hopefully where her parents are and find out who the teen was.

JustVent · 02/02/2018 16:40

I’d love to hear the nanny’s side to this story....

windchimesabotage · 02/02/2018 16:41

My toddler son likes to 'help' people by giving them hugs or kisses if they are crying or hurt. People do not always actually react well to this. I do have to keep an eye on it and prevent him from approaching people who may not be receptive to it.

It might seem like a sweet thing to do to you but some other children and/or whomever is looking after them may find it alarming.

Yes that girl should not have pushed your child, but nor should you have allowed your child to try and hug a distressed child he didnt know. Some people are very guarded about personal space. So I think your husband was right in preventing you from shouting at her. Although I think its understandable you were upset I do think you should have intervened earlier yourself to prevent that situation from arising. You cant control other peoples reactions but you are responsible for making sure you child doesnt put himself at potential risk of them.

And it doesnt really matter what anyone elses parents were doing or not doing. Someone elses bad parenting doesnt mean you can ignore your own and get cross with them for the situation. These people are all total strangers.

Personally id think it was lovely if a child tried to comfort me or my child but I know from lots of experience that not many people feel that way and a lot of people would react badly.

Original poster
bummymummythefirst · 02/02/2018 16:42

No sorry, the 6 year old on her own isn't connected to the other family. She was one of the other kids playing yesterday.

Still no sign of them.

She just banged her leg and I ran over and asked if she was ok. That better Mumsnet? Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
bummymummythefirst · 02/02/2018 16:45

I wouldn't have shouted at her! Just told her maybe it wasn't a great idea to push children.

And honestly, I'd want to know if the girl I'd employed had done that. Under any situation. So say she gets stressed with her kids under her care? Ok to push them just because she's stressed?

All of you who saying pushing is fine would really be ok with someone pushing your 4 year old?

OP posts:
Original poster
bummymummythefirst · 02/02/2018 16:46

I do tell ds to respect people's bodies and space. I'm American now, that's a given. Grin

OP posts:
Iloveanimals · 02/02/2018 16:48

I don't think anyone actually thinks pushing a four year old is OK...I think it's more they can also see that the young girl was obviously panicking and stressed. It was wrong but if something was going to be said it should have really been said at the time.

Royalfuckup · 02/02/2018 16:50

OP, when you say “push” do you mean a forceful shove or a steering movement away from the other child?

Janel85 · 02/02/2018 16:51

I would not be happy with 15/16-year-old pushing my child. Equally I would not leave my children in the care of a 15-year-old

SweetMoon · 02/02/2018 16:55

You're really not listening to people are you op? no one thinks its ok to shove a 4 year old. But IT IS ok to move them away from a situation they are in the way of. Have you never physically moved a 4 year old out of the way? And your initial op was that she gve him a 'little push'. Did he topple backwards from the power of it or was he just forced to take a step back?

You need to get over it, seriously.

Marcine · 02/02/2018 16:55

Has anyone said pushing is fine?

What kind of push are we talking about here? Moving him away or shoving him over?

TheDowagerCuntess · 02/02/2018 16:59

Mumsnet is weird. On threads where small children hit each other there is zero tolerance - but when a teenager pushes a small child its somehow justified.

I don't think anyone's said that it's justified.

Rather, that it wasn't ideal, but it happened, so just let it go.

But the OP seems insistent that she shouldn't have let it go. While also saying she'd 'look a little nuts' if she said something now.

So again, I'm really not sure what she wanted from this thread.

I'm guessing it was just for people to say how out of line the au pair was. But none of us were there to see exactly what happened - we can only go on the OP's account - so people aren't going to do that.

5plusMeAndHim · 02/02/2018 16:59

So a 15 year old is having a week out of school to work as a nanny?

She just banged her leg and I ran over and asked if she was ok. That better Mumsnet?
No! You never run to an injured child, you walk calmly otherwise you scare them into thinking they are seriously hurt.

5plusMeAndHim · 02/02/2018 17:02

The push would he been a steer to move him along not a full-on shove! How could it have been ? she was using her arms to comfort the child.

Lizzie48 · 02/02/2018 17:06

It's probably the shouting that's the issue more than the pushing. The two together would have been quite upsetting for a 4 year old.

steff13 · 02/02/2018 17:09

Unless she pushed your son down or injured him in some way, I'd be willing to overlook this. I'm assuming her intention was to nudge him out of the way. She was a teenager who was responsible for a child who injured himself. She was probably freaking out and reacted out of fear and panic. It's not great, but maybe she's never had to deal with an injured child before. I think the right thing to do is let this go.

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