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AIBU?

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Original poster

Au pair yelled at ds

259 replies

bummymummythefirst · 02/02/2018 01:29

We're on holiday in a beach resort type place

Hanging out at the resort playground today. Ds (4) has been playing with a couple of kids (one 6 a girl, 5 a boy and his sister 2) for a couple of hours.

All being adorably sweet and playing some nice game involving being Octonaughts.

The 5 year old and 2 year old are being watched by an au pair/nanny type of girl. She looks about 15/16. Parents are down the beach a little.

The boy suddenly really smacks his head. Starts bawling and the au pair is trying to comfort him.

Ds walks over and tries to stroke the kid's back like the au pair was doing.

The girl screams 'get away from him, just go away!' and gives ds a little push.

Ds comes back a little miffed and hurt but not lastingly bothered.

I was about to go and tell her she was totally out of order. And tell the parents what she'd done too.

Dh stopped me and told me I shouldn't.

So I didn't but now I'm cross with myself. Yes she was only young, and I wouldn't have kicked off, rather told her it's not ok to speak to people like that at all or lay hands on them even if they had done anything wrong. Which ds hadn't, he was trying to be helpful.

(Obviously my instant reaction was to shove her face in to the sand and go all 'Hand that Rocks The Cradle' on her. Angry)

I should have pulled her up on it no? I feel like a failed ds a bit today. Sad

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 03/02/2018 18:13

The other child sounds as if he really hurt himself. Your child meant well but wasn't hurt. Yes she shouldn't have pushed him. It wasn't kind. But you were right not to say anything. you don't know who she was. She could have been a sister or family friend. I agree she panicked when the other child got hurt.

Rach5l · 03/02/2018 18:20

What a ridiculous thread. Totally derailed by idiots making stuff up. Of course yanbu. I'd say to the parents, I didn't appreciate your nanny yelling at & pushing ds earlier. I'd want to know!

Abbylee · 03/02/2018 18:22

It is not an excuse to say that you were on the other side of the playground bc you should have been close to your dc and the many other adults were not parents to your child.
Also, the other parents were there. They have the responsibility to see if the carer is the same in front of them and alone with the children. I made a point of watching from a distance bc i know that some people are rotten to children out of sight of parents. Their children, their concern.
If your child is ok. Let it be.

Weebo · 03/02/2018 18:26

Honestly, with do people make up their own versions of stories on Mumsnet? Just so you can be spiteful?

Yep, that's pretty much what goes on here at the moment. It's incredibly annoying.

Of course she shouldn't have pushed him/screamed at him. There is just no excuse for that.

YANBU to be pissed off.

dissapointedafternoon · 03/02/2018 18:48

Lots of really cheeky people writing snipey comments.

I would have said something at the time. In fact I would be watching for her to return and then I would have a conversation with her about how you too used to look after children and tell her you understand how stressful it can be and especially when you were younger. Then I would say she needs to be more gentle or her hot headed temper and lack of control over her emotions will land her in trouble soon.
Then leave it.
If anything else tell the parents when you see them.
And if nothing else mention as you leave. I wouldn't want anyone looking after a child who couldn't control themselves and handle a little bump. She is obviously out of her depth and the children shouldn't suffer as a result of it.
She will make the kids anxious if she freaks out. Not good.

YANBu

cheval · 03/02/2018 19:54

This probably doesn’t help, but...years ago, sons playing on beach, me being inattentive. Eldest fine playing football. A group of 8/9 year olds came over and asked me to stop my son bullying them. Thought it was eldest. Turns out my three-year-old was chucking sand at them and they didn’t know how to do deal with him. Guess you need constant radar switched on by the sea.

Sunflowersforever · 03/02/2018 21:27

To go back to your actual original post OP, IMO you haven't let your son down by not stepping in. Sounds like the girl overreacted and handled it badly, but no damage done to your son. I'd chalk it up to not the best experience ever, but everyone will survive and move on. Draw a line under it and enjoy the rest of your holiday. I'd also draw a line under this thread to!

5plusMeAndHim · 03/02/2018 22:12

If you had reported this to the parents, whose side will they be on.Their au pair or some random kid who was getting in the way when their child had a whacked head

MeAndMyDog · 04/02/2018 01:30

I'd say to the parents, I didn't appreciate your nanny yelling at & pushing ds earlier. I'd want to know!

You'd want to know that at a point when you child was hurt and upset, the nanny made your child her priority rather than some one's 4 year old who was just getting in the way?

BrightonBollock · 04/02/2018 01:43

15 -16 year old au pair?Two assumptions.

Lizzie48 · 04/02/2018 08:09

The parents were there, so they surely know about it anyway? I wouldn't not hear if one of my DDs were hurt. They're the ones who really don't come out of this well. Hmm

Booboo66 · 04/02/2018 08:14

Where are the free babysitting commments coming from. How on earth has that assumption been reached from the OP. She was right there watching, not having a swim or sipping a cocktail on a sun lounger firther down!

ShowMePotatoSalad · 04/02/2018 08:17

You were over the other side of the playground?

Just to check, did you actually see any of this take place? Or did DS relate it to you (ps don't jump down my throat if you reply, I'm just trying to get a picture of it).

Booboo66 · 04/02/2018 10:01

Op described the exact circumstances in which the boy came to hurt himself. He jumped from a bar on the play frame at an odd angle and hit his head on a bar above. Her DC was not involved in the incident in any way.

Sallystyle · 04/02/2018 10:47

Honestly, with do people make up their own versions of stories on Mumsnet? Just so you can be spiteful?

Yes posters make shit up to froth over. It's really quite sad to see how people will pull stories out of thin air just for the opportunity to be a bitch.

It says a lot about them, OP.

The girl obviously panicked. It isn't acceptable but I imagine she was scared and she reacted badly because of that.

IsThisADream · 04/02/2018 10:51

Gobsmacked at any people saying let it go...

Do you routinely allow strangers to scream at and push your children?

I'd have screamed back at her, see how she likes it!

MeAndMyDog · 04/02/2018 13:56

Do you routinely allow strangers to scream at and push your children?

no, but I wouldn't have allowed my 4 year to be in the middle of a situation where someone was trying to deal with an injured child while I sat on my ass enjoying my holiday, confident that my little darling was just a sweet to blessing to all.

Original poster
bummymummythefirst · 04/02/2018 14:15

She wasn't with them all day yesterday either and isn't with them today again. The parents are pretty friendly looking so may chat at lunch and casually inquire as to where their daughter has gone.

OP posts:
Jux · 04/02/2018 19:12

Or just ask how their boy's head is today?

TheDowagerCuntess · 04/02/2018 19:13

Gobsmacked at any people saying let it go...
*
Do you routinely allow strangers to scream at and push your children?
*
I'd have screamed back at her, see how she likes it!

Yes, but given the OP can't go back in time and behave like a banshee do that, some people are suggesting it might be wise to move on, and let it go.

Original poster
bummymummythefirst · 05/02/2018 14:37

Seeing as an hour later he was running around just fine and that was three days before my post I think that may be a little weird @Jux Hmm

OP posts:
5plusMeAndHim · 06/02/2018 22:58

Do you routinely allow strangers to scream at and push your children
The Op has admitted that th so-called push was actually 'a directional nudge'

I'd have screamed back at her, see how she likes it!

yes but maybe the Op is not an old fishwife like you

TheVanguardSix · 06/02/2018 23:05

Maybe she pushed your son away because she's a kid herself (not condoning her behaviour but come on) and also, maybe your son played a part in the injury, a part you didn't witness. That's my thought. She reacted to him in anger, as if he was part of the problem. Who knows? You never will know. But my hunch says you might have to spit-polish DS's tarnished halo in the morning... and not leave him in the care of a someone you don't know. Would you do this at home?

TheVanguardSix · 06/02/2018 23:07

She wasn't with them all day yesterday either and isn't with them today again. The parents are pretty friendly looking so may chat at lunch and casually inquire as to where their daughter has gone.

Why?

Original poster
bummymummythefirst · 06/02/2018 23:09

Read the fucking thread.

OP posts:
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