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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I have shared?

439 replies

werkwerkwerk · 01/02/2018 14:08

I've name changed for this as it is very outing!

Basically, I work in a small office with 2 other ladies doing the admin etc, for a local business. I have been there, full time, for just over 3 years, the 2nd works part time and has been there for almost 1 year and the 3rd is a new starter, still on probation.

We don't socialise outside of work and I wouldn't say we were particularly friendly.

For Christmas, the 3 of us were given a bottle of prosecco, a box of chocolates and a scratch card.

My scratch card was a winner! £25k winner.

I was over the moon! I've had a tough few years financially and this really couldn't have come at a better time. The money paid off a few bills and the rest will be used as a deposit on my very own little house (as soon as I find it!) I'm very excited!

After new year, I invited the 2 ladies I work with out for a champane afternoon tea in a swanky hotel and then we went for manicures and pedicures. All my treat.

This morning, I was taken into the office by the owner of the business and told that the other ladies have asked him to speak to me regarding the winnings, as they feel it should be shared 3 ways. And my boss agrees as he feels that my winning has caused a bad vibe in the office.

AIBU by not sharing? I'll be honest and say that the thought of sharing with them never even crossed my mind and I still have no intention of doing so, but I just wanted to get some other opinions...

OP posts:
Myddognearlyatethedeliveryman · 01/02/2018 14:53

They aren't really your friends obviously so don't sweat it. Ignore and move on.

greenlanes · 01/02/2018 14:54

I would deal with this face on. So meet them in a room with your boss. Emphasise that you were all given the same, lovely gesture by the boss, much appreciated (so flatter him). And it was random luck that you won. You had some debts which you have paid off which puts you in a good stead financially for when you start to be able to afford to buy your own home. You kept a bit to one side to share with your colleagues as you value their x, y & z - pick a bit of truth out. But you are devastated, hurt, sad etc (pick a word) that they mind your good fortune, and that is all it was, was good fortune.

I would then say that you dont want there to be an issue at work but there is nothing further to be said on the matter. Your professional commitment, competency etc to the company remains as it was. That you hope professional relations will revert to how they were.

But they are cfs and you dont want your boss getting rid of you because he is too weak to stand up to bitching.

The80sweregreat · 01/02/2018 14:54

They are horrible, people buy these things not expecting to win and you did fair and square. you treated them this should be enough. I just dont get it and i think its just green eyed monster coming out here. might make life difficult if you dont give in to the 'demands' but they are being CF's even asking! Would you expect them to 'share ' with you if it was reversed? would they give you money if it was them? i bet you a £1 they wouldn't!! Its different if it was a syndicate, i am in a syndicate and any winnings would be split. this is not the case here.

livefornaps · 01/02/2018 14:55

Srsly no good deed goes unpunished though. Maybe they saw treating them to tea when you're not really close as fobbing them off and a "guilt treat". .
You have nothing to feel bad about though. Tell your boss that a scratch card gift always ran the risk of some poor sod winning and that you won't hear any more about it.

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 01/02/2018 14:56

Resign from your job and then do them for constructive dismissal. You'll get even more money then! They are cheeky fuckers of the highest order.

MargoLovebutter · 01/02/2018 14:57

good call by greenlanes there. I think dealing with it in a meeting with all three is the way to go.

monkeywithacowface · 01/02/2018 14:57

I wouldn't share (but I wouldn't have told them anyway, people have very odd and entitled attitudes to lucky windfalls).

If your boss had intended for any winnings to be shared equally he should have stated that and had you all do you scratch cards together.

diddl · 01/02/2018 14:58

I can't believe that you told them & then the "treat" probably really seemed like rubbing it in.

I don't think that you need to share, but some things are best kept quiet!

tattyheadsmum · 01/02/2018 15:00

Agree with everyone else. But I’d suggest, OP, that you start looking for another job. Appreciate you don’t want to leave but I suspect your working life could become distinctly uncomfortable from now on (even though you’re perfectly justified in telling your boss and them to bugger off).

Original poster
werkwerkwerk · 01/02/2018 15:00

My treat was described by one of them as a 'sandwich and a bit of nail varnish'

The afternoon out cost me almost 400 quid, so this comment upset me a little.

I actually only chose afternoon tea and mani/pedi's because a few weeks ago, we were talking about stuff we'd love to do if we had the time/money etc.

OP posts:
BewareOfDragons · 01/02/2018 15:00

You absolutely shouldn't have told them. But that ship has sailed, obviously, so...

Tell your boss sorry, but no. You took them out for a treat, but the prize was yours. It could just as easily have been any one of them, and they wouldn't have shared either. (They probably would have been sensible and kept their mouth closed.)

You are under no obligation to share your winnings. Stand firm.

Orangecake123 · 01/02/2018 15:00

Do NOT share. You're under no obligation to do so.Say you've spent them money.

nailyourcolours · 01/02/2018 15:01

They said WHAT after you treated them?!

That is disgusting.

dustarr73 · 01/02/2018 15:02

But you did share your winnings.You brought them out to a lovely champagne tea.

Money does strange things to people.I would have to call everyone together and say it was won fair and square.Tough titties.

RedDogsBeg · 01/02/2018 15:02

I would be tempted to have it out with them and the boss, but in no way would I explain or attempt to justify what I spent it on by saying using it for debts, etc., that is none of their business. I would merely express my disappointment at their attitude to my good fortune/luck and refuse to discuss it further.

Just seen your latest post - what seriously nasty, envious people they sound and they expect you to share with them? Unbelievable.

squishee · 01/02/2018 15:03

Noooo you should not have split your winnings! What nonsense. You've been more than generous already.
Sod the CFs (look for a new job!) and enjoy it.

JaneEyre70 · 01/02/2018 15:03

That's a very entitled way of them to behave when you were all given the same gift. I'd be a bit careful of what I said in front of them about spending it, but you've been very generous and it says more about them than you that they are behaving like this. Would they have shared? Like hell they would.

SillyMoomin · 01/02/2018 15:03

Oh hell no op

After your last update- they can go fck themselves. Tell your boss politely that it’s your winnings, your choices and then so as green* suggested and repeat the same message in front of all three.

And as for the one on probation, clearly shown she has a bad attitude- I would have thought her contract should naturally come to an end?

The80sweregreat · 01/02/2018 15:04

I suppose , in hindsight , you should have kept quiet, but you were excited and thought they would be pleased for you. Tough lesson in life, people are never this ( well, hardly ever imho)
it would have been different if you had bought the card yourself and nothing to do with work - but they would have still been a bit jealous i bet! I said to dh once that if i ever won money , or whatever, i wouldnt tell anyone outside of family ( as they would be getting some of it, although i doubt they would do the same for me!!) as it can cause friction. Still, i just hope they don't start making your life a misery over it all - the thread about confronting them all in a meeting and clearing the air is a good one. might lay it all to rest. well done anyway!! hope you can find a place soon and move home.

livefornaps · 01/02/2018 15:04

At what point did you tell them???

Have you been trumpeting your good fortune? Wink

Not everyone is as nice as we are, y'know

Fuckyrhobnobs · 01/02/2018 15:05

No frigging way. Don't give them a penny of that money. They are seriously CF

theunsure · 01/02/2018 15:06

No way would I share!

But I'd also not have told them it had won and kept it a secret. Money can be so divisive that I find it best to keep quiet.

livefornaps · 01/02/2018 15:07

Your boss I imagine is ruing the day he thought it would be a laugh to throw in a scratchcard with your chocs+booze.

A veritable Pandora's box, I tells thee.

Gazelda · 01/02/2018 15:07

Do what Greenlanes said. They should be ashamed at the way they've turned your good fortune into an opportunity to show their nasty jealousy.

fluffyrobin · 01/02/2018 15:08

Send them all an email explaining your situation and that should be the end of it.

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