To ask the worst thing that's been said to you whilst DTD?

[6079SmithW]

I have been inspired by the highly entertaining responses to my original AIBU? thread!

AIBU to ask what's the worst thing that's ever been said to you whilst DTD?

Not a phrase, but a little dance.. he liked his nipples pinched. Hard. So he'd pinch his nipples and bite his bottom lip while doing some mid stroke style eye rolling and a little shuffley dance thing. Then, he'd do it to mine while nodding encouragingly. It was like a beardy Dudley Moore cameo every time.

You know, I usury only shag skinny girls but you're bloody gorgeous' - said mid coitus. I imagine it was meant to be a compliment but if failed to arouse me, strangely. Also I weighed just over 7 stone at the time so christ knows who he normally shagged! He never saw my fat arse again after that comment...

When not young, but still quite inexperienced, on top of exBF, he said
“Go for it tiger!” (def not a pet name)
Fell off him laughing ...

These are hilarious
Not anything that was said, but i had a young kitten years ago and me and my ex were doing it and the kitten jumped on his balls and attacked them from behind 😂

I DTD with a bloke who did an ear splitting noxious smelling fart on every thrust. I used to smoke in those days but decided to abstain from a post coital cigarette in case the room went up.

(All from different guys. I sure know how to pick em!)

'Is your period due? Your skin is really bad.'

'Get on top and pretend you're skiing.'

'I've got a special present for you.' Whips off pants to reveal entirely shaved scrotum. Pauses. 'It's really itchy.'

“Ooooh Rebecca” my name is 4 letters starting with a K. Was not impressed

I hooked up with a friend of my ex when I was younger classy

Mid sex he stopped, looked me in the eye and said “You’re actually quite tight aren’t you?!”

EXCUSE ME!

Turns out my ex had been telling everyone it was like throwing a sausage down an alley. Fucking charming.

Safe to say that killed the mood!

@BlurryFace I’m crying at that! poor dog!

I still can’t get past faster daddy! I think I would die inside!

Exp had a habit of weird comments but used to say "oh yes can you take it, can you?" Errr take what waiting for something to happen here. Mind you when I wasn't in the mood solution was to come out of the bathroom in (nothing but)my nice new green underwear set. Unfortunately a followed by hysterical laughter wasn't the reaction he was hoping for. I was really annoyed we hadn't much money and Id treated myself to that set with birthday money, never got to wear it.

My exDH never shut up!
I had constant questioning ('do you like that?', 'how shall we finish?') , commentary ('I'm doing this and you're doing that') and - worst of all - criticism ('you're not very good at this'), and of course the post mortem after. It was tedious and so un-sexy...
I put up with this for over 20 years so am so glad that the man I'm with now is a quiet one!

'Thank you for having me'

Just after we'd finished: 'I'm sweating like a paedophile in a playground' Needless to say, we didn't have a rematch.

To be fair I think sometimes the man who constantly asks questions is trying really hard to not overstep boundaries, particularly if he's young and inexperienced and you are new to each other.

It didn't kill the mood completely but we had just watched Bad Santa and as we were at it I started going 'fuck me Santa fuck me Santa' ( if you've seen the film you'll know) we both started laughing but managed to carry on

Oh god I have just remembered another one, right in the fucking middle of it:

Him: I love your pussy, i'd love it even better if it was bald. Let me shave it. Let me do it now.
Me: panting...errr... now`?
Him: now, i'll go get the razor

Passion killed stone dead. And I did NOT let him shave it.

Morbid, get on top and pretend you’re skiing
crying with laughter

'It's really itchy.'

"I DTD with a bloke who did an ear splitting noxious smelling fart on every thrust"

Seriously?! I'd have shoved the dirty bastard off me after the first thrust.

" suddenly DD conked him on the arse with her heavy glass bottle. "

Why did your 2 year old DD have a heavy glass bottle?

Am not seeing the funny side of 'mind the linen'......seems very reasonable. Mrs Pan is onboard (literally) with this.

Thank you OP. He was vile. And you know what else? He was overweight, balding, mid 20s but looked 40, and had the tiniest cock I have ever seen.

I think he slated me to make himself feel better. He was actually hideous inside and out!

An ex yelling
(whilst holding his left arm out as if riding a bucking bronco)
"I AM THE COCKMEISTER!"

Ker-ching eBay app noise

Different people:

Unexpected item in shagging area (embarrassingly a vibrator in the bed);

I am Vlad the Impaler .... where would you like to be impaled? (In very strange accent);

You're like a block of wood in bed - I've no idea if you enjoyed it or not.