To ask the worst thing that's been said to you whilst DTD?

[6079SmithW]

I have been inspired by the highly entertaining responses to my original AIBU? thread!

AIBU to ask what's the worst thing that's ever been said to you whilst DTD?

My DH whispered "would you like me to come in your pussy? Or in your mouth" to which I replied "I'm not a restaurant darling, you don't need to make a reservation ". Which made me laugh enough that it still gets mentioned 9 years later...

‘Having sex with you is like having a chicken korma when I could be having a four course banquet.’

I was a student at the time with no confidence whatsoever.

@lilyboleyn I'd rather have me a chicken korma over a four course banquet any fucking day

I'm a bit late to the party here, but reading these has reminded me -
Nothing was said, but I was DTD with a guy and he stopped and proceeded to - and this is the only way I can describe it - rub his penis slowly over my naked body. I was new to the sex game at this point, so wasn't sure if it was an actual thing. Weirdest moment of my life. And not sexy. At all.

liz70 Yes, if it happened now,I would have pushed him off after the first release of noxious gas but I was young and thought you just had to put up with that sort of thing as the man’s pleasure was paramount.

“I love you. I just want you to love me. Tell me how I can get you to love me”.

We’d been together for 5 weeks. He was dumped directly after that comment.

These are brilliant.

The one that's seared into my memory was from when I was a teenager and had hooked up with a goth guy at a party. I was giving the guy a hand job in the garden of a house party. He was clearly enjoying it and started shouting, "faster, faster, FASTER LIKE A ROCKET!" And then we inadvertently knocked part of a wall down at that point, which we'd been leaning on in the garden (think it contained a compost heap. Nice).

Just remembered, only second time new bf and I were DTD I did a large, well rounded fanny fart. We froze, he moved and another came out! I started to chuckle and the 3rd loudest and wetest erupted. We were then rolling with laughter.
Luckily it can’t have been an awful experience as we’re still together 20 yrs later

First time with my ex. We were getting frisky on the sofa - still mostly clothed at this point. I straddled his lap and we kissed. Then he suddenly broke off kissing and said 'You're sitting on my cock' in a full on West Country accent. He is not from the West Country.

Was this startled moment then we both fell apart laughing. He still doesn't know why he said it!

Spooning in bed and he whispers in my ear: "Would you like an injection?"

"Imagine your mum is watching"

He decided I was a prude when I told him what a turn off it was. I decided he was porn sick.

"Btw i was talking to your dad earlyer and..."

Also whilst pregnant he suddenly stops and shouts "OMG its got me!" That one got a giggle

I worked out that DTD must mean done the dump and imagined all these sexist things being said, then I worked it out again

Just remembered this one !
It wasnt during but i once got a high five after... yeah i got rid of him sharpish

Ah I love a high five after!

Reading through these it seems some of these guys are getting their ideas from watching porn - lol! They need to live in the real world!

Hubby said mid course "shush i can here something outside" I was like so ff ing what!

Then expected to carry on like normal. ! [shocked]

"Let's get that right in there!" Said in a grufty voice as though he was stuffing a turkey. Fucking weirdo.

Christmassy spunk has me doing mutley sniggers 😂

My now husband had been wanting to, err, go round the back (for want of a better term). I eventually agreed and, after he’d finished (and whilst he was still “in there”), he said: well, that wasn’t as good as I was hoping.

NEVER AGAIN

Wunwun Was that Alan Partridge?

*"I DTD with a bloke who did an ear splitting noxious smelling fart on every thrust"

Seriously?! I'd have shoved the dirty bastard off me after the first thrust.*

^^ THIS!

Yeah fucking and farting aren't very compatible

Oh my god some of these are awful. I'll count myself lucky to have never experienced any like this!