To ask the worst thing that's been said to you whilst DTD?

[6079SmithW]

I have been inspired by the highly entertaining responses to my original AIBU? thread!

AIBU to ask what's the worst thing that's ever been said to you whilst DTD?

"Aaarrgghhhh!" followed by collapsing on top of me. My cat had been entranced by his scrotum 😮

Dh "mind the linen"

"This is how lions do it in the wild"

"Hurry up and come ffs!"

...ive been with some charmers

It was actually me saying the weird thing. Sometimes as a running joke to my partner I'll say 'and boom goes the dynamite' of 'unbelievable Jeff'

Although with a previous partner, Red Dwarf was on in the background and I accidentally said 'yes Mr Lister sir' along with Craig Charles 😂. I'm easily distracted.

Not too bad but actually quite funny: My ex answered his phone just seconds after we'd finished, the conversation (that I could hear) went "alright mate.....I'm good thanks.... yeah she's fine, I've just climbed out of her"

One ex announced he wanted to go travelling to Australia... without me. Who even says shit like that during sex?

Another favourite... I was on top "you know if you want running you'd have a great figure". I'm a size 10 and this was before 2 kids... he was a very skinny, lanky, pale bloke with ginger pubes and a tiny dick! I didn't tell him to bulk up!

And finally... I once got told "god you're so wet... I could take a bath in that!".

All different blokes... luckily all exes!

Look at your sexy eyes. They're slutty eyes.
I WANT TO CUM IN YOUR SLUTTY EYES!

Different bloke:

American accent (he was from Ipswich)

(Shocked face) Your pussy feels good!

(Even more shocked face) Your pussy is gonna make me cum!

(Sounding angry and still American, as he's coming) What the fuck has your pussy done to me??

(Afterwards in normal English accent) Well. Your pussy did it for me.

I want to tickle your tummy button from the inside.

Vom.

I had the eBay app which did a ker-ching cash register noise when I sold something. Phone by the bed, I thought I had switched the sound off.

Not. As things got heated my eBay sales picked up and a constant ker-ching ker-ching is actually quite off-putting for both parties.

"Would you rather I was David Jason?"

I'd zoned out and started staring at the tv screen which was showing a touch of frost

DamnItPatricia me too! ‘I’m like a truffle pig’ as he was going down on me.

‘I like fucking your spotty ass’ really made me feel great...

Not during but just after, BF at the time started crying and said....

'I think I might be gay'

After declaring his undying love for me (at a particular low point in my life and self esteem): "I'm using you by the way. You always look embarrassing and I couldn't care less about you." I was in the middle of a mental breakdown and I let him use me like this for weeks 🙁

He also took me on a 'date' and said "Oh Christ, you actually made an effort. Now you look ugly AND desprate".

Looking back, I can't believe I let him treat me like such dirt, but it was the low point I needed. After I ditched him completely, I set about finding a man who would never treat me that way, who would love me unconditionally and found my amazing husband! Now all he says during sex is how amazing I look! Despite my stretch marks and c section scar!

He's a keeper 😊

I, however, often blurt out items for the shopping list. He's better at sex talk than I am!

"Ohhh Lisa"....my names not Lisa. ..

‘I think I’ve shit myself.’ He had shit himself.

From an unfortunate one night stand:
You’ve got a lovely pink pussy
Me: oh?
ONS: yeah, it’s really lovely and juicy

I actually feel a bit sick thinking about it years later. He also folded every last item of my clothing while I was asleep, including my knickers, then stacked my jewellery on top in height order. I can’t imagine why I didn’t want to see him again

Absolutely dying at some of these, particularly all dog stories and “hello, it’s me again”

* We were going at it hammer and tongs and he said "by the way, did I tell you that I pooed a tapeworm yesterday!!!!"* (not envy)

@DontPullThatTubeOut I'm glad his shagging was better than his story telling (but in fairness his story telling doesn't set the bar very high )

Dying at @OThenamestheyareachangin and @TheExtraPickle

"Hello it's me again"!!!! Omg I'm creased laughing at this trying to be silent because I'm inbetween sleeping DH and DD!!! Ahaaaaaa!

• @hollowtree* your ex sounds absolutely vile. So glad to hear that you are well rid of him.

Thank you. Before, during and after.

me and my boyfriend were doing it the other day and he caught sight of himself in the mirror and proceeded to flex his arm and say how “fuckin slick his biceps look”

Remind me again why rugby players have a bad rep 😂

I’m the best you’ve ever had aren’t I

Er no

Scream scream if you really enjoying yourself you would scream

Er no I am not auditioning for a porn film

I fill you right up

A Tinder "date" this is going to be a power shag.......
3 mins all over and after a blowjob and recovery time. Then 30 mins of awkward talk and coffee before he left.