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AIBU?

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Original poster

Why do people think the government is some form of parent?

251 replies

soddingsoda · 29/01/2018 20:38

I've spent a lot of time in the US, i'm British but have a fair amount of family in the US.

While there's obviously huge social issues in the US, and I feel fortunate to be British I'm just not a fan of the British mentality. Someone said something the other day and it hit the nail on the head: If an American employee sees his boss turn up in a Mercedes he'll be envious and it will inspire him. The same situation happens in the UK the employee would be spiteful and call it unfair.

I have a second job working behind a bar once a week. Quite often when punters have had a drink they love to rant about the system. One woman 'debating' with the others then pointed to me. Apparently if there wasn't any foreigners over here I would be able to a council house. She seemed pretty stumped when I told her that it wasn't the governments responsibility to house me, I'm healthy, young, able to work and choose to live at home so I can save for a deposit and go travelling and spent a shit ton on starbucks.

Someone also had a conversation that she's had tooth ache for over a year as she needs a filling. She feels that she shouldn't have to pay for it as she pays taxes. I really wanted to point out that if she wasn't down the pub every week paying £3.50 a pint, she could easily pay for that filling within a month.

It's just really starting to grate on me, we live in such a privileged society where we get a free education, everyone has access to a fairly good health service and we have so many opportunities. I just want to give a good shake to some people and tell them to take responsibilities for their own lives as they're adults and that's what adults are meant to do.

OP posts:
AssassinatedBeauty · 29/01/2018 20:44

This all feels like a bit of a generalisation to me. Is it a widespread and general British attitude?

There may be benefits to the US model, but there are also massive negatives. So many people get totally left behind society with no hope of ever catching up. Charities provide free healthcare to queues of people who could never afford to pay for the treatment they need. Do we want to have that in the UK?

Abracadabraapileofbollocks · 29/01/2018 20:48

So go to America and live your aspirational dream free from your made up whingers.

malificent7 · 29/01/2018 20:50

Yes...off you go...and pay for your own medical insurance too.

grasspigeons · 29/01/2018 20:52

I know the attitude you are referring to but ...

I actually think when you understand the political system, the aristocracy/monarchy you do sometimes feel that a lot of laws are about keeping the money/power in a small set of hands and if they are going to do that - then they could at least allow secure tenancies and affordable prices for the poor (and prevent a revolution). How many prime ministers from one elite school for instance?

Its just such a different set up to the US as a base point.

Sprinklestar · 29/01/2018 20:52

Interesting you should say this, OP. We’re British but live in the US. I said the exact same thing when we came back stateside after a holiday to the UK at Xmas. Yes, there are many issues here and the disparity when it comes to life chances is horrendous. However, as you’ve said, people seem so much more aspirational! Prepared to work hard and put in the hours. Not reliant on others or handouts, because for many these handouts don’t exist. Obviously I don’t include within this people with genuine health concerns and so on, but there is a certain element of British society who are more than happy to get by on what the government will hand out. Why not aim higher?! The whole race to the bottom attitude gets me... I find the same in schools. Generalizing, it’s a good thing to be bright here. In the UK, it seems something to be embarrassed about and bright kids are often bullied. Appalling!

BanginChoons · 29/01/2018 20:53

It's all well and good if you have a "home to choose to live at.

Many don't have that privelege, and will never be in the position to save for a deposit.

Cherrycokewinning · 29/01/2018 20:54

I do know what you mean OP. There are people like this in the Uk- I’d even go as far to say it’s fairly common.

But, it’s a system. Where ever there is a system there will be people trying to take advantage of it. It’s just the way.

and of course we have more of a cultural dependancy on the government the the USA. We are a socialist European country. The US is very, very different. There is very little help there. People think socialised healthcare is communist. Citizens don’t want to work towards fairer society for all. They want haves and have nots. It’s the American dream

10thingsIhateAboutTheDailyMail · 29/01/2018 20:54

I don't recognise the attitude s you mention.

But it must be nice to believe life is a pure meritocracy Wink

SwanVests · 29/01/2018 20:56

The last filling I got cost £180. It’s more than cutting out a pint a week.

madcatwoman61 · 29/01/2018 20:56

Wingers exist - try spending some time in outpatients. Nd posters on here who want to know how much the government will pay them to look after their children

PinkAvocado · 29/01/2018 20:57

I haven’t met many people like those you allude to in your post. So I think this is a massive generalisation.

reallyreallyreallytired · 29/01/2018 20:57

I would argue it’s the governments responsibility to ensure there is an availability of affordable, safe, warm housing for the people that live there! That’s very much the responsibility of the government.

BanginChoons · 29/01/2018 20:57

So if everyone just changed their attitudes, all poverty and housing issues would be resolved? They need people like you in government OP. Oh, wait...

Pengggwn · 29/01/2018 20:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

reallyreallyreallytired · 29/01/2018 20:58

not necessarily pay for the housing but ensure it’s affordable, and those in need would get help towards that cost...of course

BabooshkaBabooshka · 29/01/2018 21:01

But if the government is not a parent, why do they need to take taxes off you, perhaps they should let you get on with your life without interfering and deciding what your money can be spent on?

MumGoneMild · 29/01/2018 21:01

Healthcare isnt free though... unless you're tax dodging

MumGoneMild · 29/01/2018 21:02

Also education- not free

Dragongirl10 · 29/01/2018 21:02

YANBU op, l know exactly what you mean..

I also lived in the US for 2 years, and whilst it never felt like home, the differences in attitude are very refreshing. Wealth is seen as aspirational not a dirty word, bettering yourself is strived for and achievement celebrated.

We have an ugly sense of entitlement to 'help' in the Uk, and for some everything is 'the Governments 'fault, usually those who wouldn't put themselves into public life or public service in any way.

The problem is people quickly get used to whatever standerd of living they have and then start to feel hard done by.

TheNoseyProject · 29/01/2018 21:04

Mn is massively defensive about this sort of thing so I doubt you’ll get many agreeing, but I totally recognize the attitude you’re talking about. It’s not from people with genuine needs it’s a ‘why should i’ attitude from people who could sort out the ‘problem’ with very little effort.

UpstartCrow · 29/01/2018 21:08

If an American employee sees his boss turn up in a Mercedes he'll be envious and it will inspire him. The same situation happens in the UK the employee would be spiteful and call it unfair.

Whats the disparity in pay between that boss and the lowest paid worker?

The US govt is voting tonight to ban abortion after 20 weeks, no exceptions for medical problems. Now who wants a nanny state?

pointythings · 29/01/2018 21:10

I greatly prefer a world where there is less of the haves and have nots and more of the striving for everyone to have the basics - healthcare, somewhere warm and dry to live, a decent education. And within that system yes, absolutely everyone should strive to better themselves.

But the US is not some utopia. There is shocking poverty in one of the richest countries on earth. If that is what you aspire to, there is something heartless about you.

We are not all created equal, because equality of opportunity does not exist. There has to be something to balance that out. So far no-one has got that right yet, but that is no reason to stop trying. Looking to the US as a model to aspire to is deluded.

beardymcbeardy · 29/01/2018 21:10

Having a tiny minority of whingers and people taking advantage of the UK system is a price I'll happily pay if it means the UK avoids the sort of situation in America where the unavoidable misfortune of ill health or being paid off can leave you destitute and homeless. And the American dream of aspiration is just that, a dream. A fantasy made up to appease the millions at the bottom. Sure a few will make their money, but the majority will never manage to make enough financially to rest on their laurels. They will always be scraping the bottom of the barrel because there is just not enough money at the top for everyone to be rich.

maxthemartian · 29/01/2018 21:14

Inequality and the gap between the richest and poorest keep increasing. More fool those that have bought into the lie that they can "make it" too if they just work hard enough.

BrownLiverSpot · 29/01/2018 21:16

Agree on the aspirational bit but UK has a long history of a very rigid class system which can feel unmotivating when the odds are stacked against you.

Completely disagree on the entitled citizens bit. You're just being a naive fool to think a society where a state that doesn't provide adequate support for its citizens leads to some sort of happy utopia full of strivers.