Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH has hours of calls logged to a number I don't recognise

999 replies

livingontheedgeee · 29/01/2018 18:22

So, we use a phone provider where you pay for a monthly contract then need to add credit for things like calling overseas, dialling non-standard numbers etc. Normally DH and I keep £10 extra credit on just in case.
Last night, DH ran me as he's working away and asked me to top it up for him (he's completely technophobic).Normally I'd just log into the app on my phone but I was sitting at the computer at the time so I logged onto his online phone account to do it from there.

Right there, on the front page, it gave the top 5 numbers he calls with the number of hours associated with each number. One number he'd spoken to for 364 hours over the course of a month! Checking further (of course) he'd also sent 13 MMS to the same number meaning he's sending picture messages too.

Now he does use his phone a lot if he has to speak to clients and there are some clients he calls regularly but looking at the other calls, none of them are more than 10 hours across the whole month.

So, I went to his phone contacts list and lo and behold, here's the number assigned to some woman who I've never heard of.

I want to confront him but neither do I want to look stupid. He's never given me any reason to think he's messing about. Except perhaps he doesn't call me every day like he used to. Sometimes he goes two or three days without a call. This is the only change in his behaviour but thought it was on the back of me saying he needn't feel obliged to call every night.

Question is, do I call this number? Or do I ask him outright? Do I let it ride and see if he continues to call her?

OP posts:
Shmithecat · 30/01/2018 00:11

Hmmmm. I'm not usually straight on the 'yep, he's cheating!' wagon that so many mners seem to be BUT I think 6 hours a month is quite a lot... I can spend a few months at a time being in a different country from my dh and I don't think we've ever spent a total of 6 hours on the phone to each other in a month. I'd keep digging a bit more OP. Hope it's not bad news.

livingontheedgeee · 30/01/2018 01:03

Up late as I can't sleep for thinking about this.

I went onto the full call history on his online account and he's also sent her 151 texts in the same month.

Of course something must be going on. I'm avoiding speaking to him until I get all my ducks in a row first.

OP posts:
Lashalicious · 30/01/2018 01:12

Oh no, op, that does sound suspicious...awful situation to be in. I think you said he is out of town right now so there's no way you could get hold of his phone. Maybe don't say anything yet like you say, and take a secret look at his phone when he gets home from his work trip. That way you may be able to see what the texts say and get an idea what exactly is going on and how long it's been going on.

livingontheedgeee · 30/01/2018 01:14

Just to answer some questions.
DH is a building contractor and although he speaks to a lot of clients on the phone, it's generally only for a few minutes at a time to make arrangements or ask a brief question. He only sends texts when he can't get through on the phone.
All the other calls on the phone, altogether, add up to £28. This number accounts for £55 of calls by itself.
He must have been making calls to premium numbers (sometimes his suppliers) hence needing a top up. I never log onto his online account to do it, always just do it from my phone and he knows that. But I was at the computer so just logged onto do it. He wouldn't even guess I could see his call history - in truth I can only see the 5 most used numbers but it's enough.

151 texts, 6 hours of calls and 13 MMS which could be emojis but if she's a client, why is he sending her emojis at the end of a text???

OP posts:
MyKingdomForBrie · 30/01/2018 01:20

Does he have Facebook? Are they friends on there? Do you have his password? I know the approved line is ‘just talk to him’ but if he is cheating then he will lie so I would in your place try and find out for yourself, get hold of his phone or log into his emails..?

MyKingdomForBrie · 30/01/2018 01:21

Oh and I don’t think emojis log as MMS.. I text emojis a lot and they don’t go as MMS, would cost a lot more if they did!

HateTheDF · 30/01/2018 01:22

I'm so sorry OP that does sound really bad. When is he due back? I think you really need to see if you can find the messages on his phone and see what they say. Like other PP's have said - I think it looks really bad if the messages have been deleted.

Bedsox · 30/01/2018 01:29

Doesnt look good does it.. is everyone a bastard?

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 30/01/2018 01:31

6 hours chatting on the phone is ages these days.

Clem7 · 30/01/2018 01:35

I’m sorry OP. I agree with others that you should sneak a look at his phone before confronting but it sounds like it’ll be suspicions confirmed.

On a more frivolous matter, I second @RamseysIdiotSandwich’s surprise at so many people still using SMS!

bitofabelly · 30/01/2018 01:37

I'm slightly clueless but could this be some sex line he is ringing as you mentioned premium calls...sorry....no experience with this but that was my first thought

Tartyflette · 30/01/2018 02:10

I'm afraid I thought porn lines too -- the lady in Dumfries could be a sex worker.

GertieMotherwell · 30/01/2018 02:14

Sex worker wouldn’t have her mobile number linked to a Facebook account would she?

GertieMotherwell · 30/01/2018 02:17

I’m sorry livingontheedge
I know exactly how you’re feeling xxx
💐

livingontheedgeee · 30/01/2018 02:21

I don't think calls to premium numbers and the "lady" in question are connected. His suppliers often have 0333 numbers which don't fall within his contract. From the info I can find, she's a 54 year old woman with two grown up kids living within spitting distance of where he's staying. I know the jobs he's on at the moment and none of them are anywhere near this town.

OP posts:
Lashalicious · 30/01/2018 02:26

He is actually staying (while out of town) near where she lives, right now?

IndigoMoonFlower · 30/01/2018 02:31

Could she be a landlady of a bed and breakfast that hes stayed at for work?

GertieMotherwell · 30/01/2018 02:33

So did you know he was staying nowhere near any of his jobs?

GertieMotherwell · 30/01/2018 02:34

How old is your DH livingontheedge?

Xanadu44 · 30/01/2018 02:39

I would definitely say something to him. I think you have enough evidence to be able to ask him what's going on. If it's all above board and work related he should be able to show the texts as he would be keeping them for work purposes. I'm so sorry you have to go through this! Thanks

BrendasUmbrella · 30/01/2018 03:05

She could be a tricky client maybe? The job doesn't necessarily have to be in her home town, maybe she's dealing with him on behalf of her parents?

(Are you able to sneak a look at his phone? I know it's a bit sneaky, but it may set your mind at rest without having to have an awkward conversation. Or you find out he's cheating and then he has no moral high ground anyway...)

BrendasUmbrella · 30/01/2018 03:07

But whatever you do - don't call him and ask him what's going on. That gives him time to delete anything incriminating.

Ask him when he's in front of you. Tell him you're sorry to be suspicious but it has worried you that he has spent so long on the phone to one woman and could you see his texts to her? His reaction will tell you everything.

TournesolsetLavande · 30/01/2018 03:08

Do you mean her kids live in spitting distance of where he's staying and it's nowhere near her town?

Or do you mean he's staying within spitting distance of her town which is nowhere near where he's working and he's travelling to his jobs from there?

TournesolsetLavande · 30/01/2018 03:09

And I agree with Brenda absolutely DO NOT show your hand now. Wait until you are completely clear about what's going on.

SparklyMagpie · 30/01/2018 03:36

MyKingdomForBrie I'm on contract so get free texts but I always get charged If I use emojis in a text and it gets charged as an MMS

I'm so sorry OP, it doesn't look good

How old is your DH?