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AIBU?

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DH has hours of calls logged to a number I don't recognise

999 replies

livingontheedgeee · 29/01/2018 18:22

So, we use a phone provider where you pay for a monthly contract then need to add credit for things like calling overseas, dialling non-standard numbers etc. Normally DH and I keep £10 extra credit on just in case.
Last night, DH ran me as he's working away and asked me to top it up for him (he's completely technophobic).Normally I'd just log into the app on my phone but I was sitting at the computer at the time so I logged onto his online phone account to do it from there.

Right there, on the front page, it gave the top 5 numbers he calls with the number of hours associated with each number. One number he'd spoken to for 364 hours over the course of a month! Checking further (of course) he'd also sent 13 MMS to the same number meaning he's sending picture messages too.

Now he does use his phone a lot if he has to speak to clients and there are some clients he calls regularly but looking at the other calls, none of them are more than 10 hours across the whole month.

So, I went to his phone contacts list and lo and behold, here's the number assigned to some woman who I've never heard of.

I want to confront him but neither do I want to look stupid. He's never given me any reason to think he's messing about. Except perhaps he doesn't call me every day like he used to. Sometimes he goes two or three days without a call. This is the only change in his behaviour but thought it was on the back of me saying he needn't feel obliged to call every night.

Question is, do I call this number? Or do I ask him outright? Do I let it ride and see if he continues to call her?

OP posts:
AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 30/01/2018 03:41

It doesn't look good. Make sure you screenshot evidence. Also make sure you have access to financial records and plenty of cash in your own account (just in case). Flowers

mathanxiety · 30/01/2018 03:42

Don't show your hand. Keep digging. If you can take a look at itemised cc bills, check for unusual purchases.

shakingmyhead1 · 30/01/2018 03:42

print off the call and text logs, print off her fb page, get copies of all financial details for you as a couple and his personal stuff like investments and retirement fund etc, anything else you see like if you know his FB password, or his Instagram etc and print it off... hide it away and keep it just incase

MrsMotherHen · 30/01/2018 03:47

Have to admit it doesnt look good.

iluvsummer · 30/01/2018 03:59

What phone company is it? If it's O2 there's a way of seeing all recent usage including times and durations of calls and texts.

MakeMisogynyAHateCrime · 30/01/2018 04:22

OP I really feel for you.

Re emojis, I know that sending them (a specific type - dynamic maybe?) from and iPhone to different type of charges at same rate as MMS on some contracts.

CanuckBC · 30/01/2018 05:13

I am sorry. There are so many red flags here. I hope you are able to get more information before he comes home so if you confront him you have decisive information.

Has he changed any behaviour lately? Started going to the gym more? Wearing new cologne? Or similar? More or less sex? Those can be other signs of having an affair wether it be emotional or physical.

I hope you get answers soon as the emotional toll of going through this is huge.

JEssWhyEmEe · 30/01/2018 05:26

My phone automatically converts any SMS longer than the standard 160 characters (or whatever it is) to MMS, so it might not necessarily be pictures that are bring sent. Could just be long messages.

RebootYourEngine · 30/01/2018 05:45

How long has this been going on? Can you see previous months statements?

Ninabean17 · 30/01/2018 05:58

Print off what you can, screenshot etc. Don't ask him anything yet.

peachgreen · 30/01/2018 06:41

I can't help but feel that there's an innocent explanation for all this. Or at least something that isn't a full affair. But perhaps I'm just being naive.

IcySlippy · 30/01/2018 06:48

Don't understand your last message? He's near where her kids are?

DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 30/01/2018 07:03

I think OP means he's staying near this woman and not near his jobs. So sorry OP. You need to be getting paperwork in order and, when he comes home, access his phone to see if messages are there. If so screenshot and send to yourself. Then confront him.Flowers

hungryhippo90 · 30/01/2018 07:03

Oh shit, this is really really horrible. Even f she was a nightmare customer there’s no way he would be calling her for 6 hours and texting 100+ times in a month.

I’m so sorry.

rabbit12345 · 30/01/2018 07:04

How are you today OP? Did you get some sleep?

I think go with your gut feeling on this. Sorry if you have already answered but is the phone in your name?

speakout · 30/01/2018 07:11

I am sorry OP.

ilovewinterpansies · 30/01/2018 07:13

Sorry op I agree it doesn't look good. hope we're all wrong xx

QOD · 30/01/2018 07:24

Oh man, how awful
6 hours doesn’t sound massive time wise but if he’s seeing her in person ...

Raindancer411 · 30/01/2018 07:25

When is he due home? I would take photos or print off proof in case he does try to log on and delete it (I am sure even a technophobe will try in a panic)

Intelinside · 30/01/2018 07:29

In think it's true on the whole that people use WhatsApp more now, so I imagine you the people saying 'Thats not much contact for an affair', there may be other contact via other internet apps not listed on the bill.

Sorry OP, agree with others about not showing your hand but so much easier said then done.

YouTheCat · 30/01/2018 07:29

That's more than I text my partner in a month.

supersop60 · 30/01/2018 07:34

Hi OP. Do the calls and texts occur while he's away (ie near her) or when he's at home? IF there is something suspicious going on, surely he'd be seeing her in person and not needing to text or phone?
My DP had an emotional affair and I found out through his itemised phone bill.
Fingers crossed that this is nothing.

TournesolsetLavande · 30/01/2018 07:35

As much as this sounds dodgy, I'm not sure a man who wanted to hide an affair would conduct most contact on his usual phone and over text when he could do it on various apps for free and not leave a paper trail.

I also don't think a man in the midst of an affair where his phone is used a great deal would ask his wife to go anywhere near his phone contract and account.

It's true some men are very stupid or just too damned cocky to think they'll be found out, but even so there could be a very innocent explanation for this.

Browtox · 30/01/2018 07:37

Why hasn’t he got whatsapp? He’s rubbish at hiding it

T00much · 30/01/2018 07:45

It's not looking good I'm afraid. Hope you're ok. When is he due back OP?

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