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AIBU?

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DH has hours of calls logged to a number I don't recognise

999 replies

livingontheedgeee · 29/01/2018 18:22

So, we use a phone provider where you pay for a monthly contract then need to add credit for things like calling overseas, dialling non-standard numbers etc. Normally DH and I keep £10 extra credit on just in case.
Last night, DH ran me as he's working away and asked me to top it up for him (he's completely technophobic).Normally I'd just log into the app on my phone but I was sitting at the computer at the time so I logged onto his online phone account to do it from there.

Right there, on the front page, it gave the top 5 numbers he calls with the number of hours associated with each number. One number he'd spoken to for 364 hours over the course of a month! Checking further (of course) he'd also sent 13 MMS to the same number meaning he's sending picture messages too.

Now he does use his phone a lot if he has to speak to clients and there are some clients he calls regularly but looking at the other calls, none of them are more than 10 hours across the whole month.

So, I went to his phone contacts list and lo and behold, here's the number assigned to some woman who I've never heard of.

I want to confront him but neither do I want to look stupid. He's never given me any reason to think he's messing about. Except perhaps he doesn't call me every day like he used to. Sometimes he goes two or three days without a call. This is the only change in his behaviour but thought it was on the back of me saying he needn't feel obliged to call every night.

Question is, do I call this number? Or do I ask him outright? Do I let it ride and see if he continues to call her?

OP posts:
Loyaultemelie · 31/01/2018 13:17

I hope you are ok op

BitOutOfPractice · 31/01/2018 13:21

Oh crikey it doesn’t look good does it?

Hope you’re ok op

WetsTheVet · 31/01/2018 13:26

I'm guessing emotional affair. If they were actually seeing a lot of each other there wouldn't be as much need to text and call.

BrendasUmbrella · 31/01/2018 13:29

To be honest tis all getting a bit tedious now...

You do know that no one is forcing you to follow this thread, right? You are allowed to step away from your device if you want to...

BitOutOfPractice · 31/01/2018 13:30

Oh crikey it doesn’t look good does it?

Hope you’re ok op

Chattymummyhere · 31/01/2018 13:31

OP can get every single text/WhatsApp/mms message/calendar event/contact etc his ever sent or had if she really wants too. There is software for that even if the messages have been deleted. It’s recovery software used for when your phone breaks you just have to connect the phone via a cable or log in via iCloud/google if you have the passwords.

SwearySwearyQuiteContrary · 31/01/2018 13:45

You poor thing, OP. You’re doing really well.

ForgotwhatIcameinherefor · 31/01/2018 13:47

When’s he due back OP?
Fingers crossed that this is something you can work through x

MrsMozart · 31/01/2018 13:50

I have all crossed that it's innocent lass.

RebootYourEngine · 31/01/2018 13:53

If it is true what he says about it not being what you think could she be a long lost sister or mother.

fuzzyfozzy · 31/01/2018 13:55

I'm glad you spoke about it, hope it goes well for you.

AcrossthePond55 · 31/01/2018 14:10

living Remember that it's extremely easy to 'edit' text threads so that they appear innocent. Delete a message here, delete a message there and it changes the whole jist of a conversation. Much smarter than simply deleting and entire thread of texts.

My BFF has done this herself. She's in an abusive relationship and has deleted parts of our conversations so that if her abusive H looks at her phone they appear to be simply a 'hi how are you' type of conversation. He's not smart enough to swipe the messages left to see the sent/receipt time (iPhone). And look for messages that don't quite make sense or appear to answer/refer to messages that aren't there.

LoverOfCake · 31/01/2018 14:22

I don’t think that his coming home would mean that he wants to buy time.

If he wanted to cover things up all he’d have to say would be that it’s not what OP thinks and that they’ll talk about it when he gets home.

I would be more inclined to think that it was either A, something unrelated i.e. a child she didn’t know about or a long lost family member or the like.

Or B, that it’s an affair and that the fact OP now knows about the calls etc he can tell her about the affair and is coming home to end the marriage to be with OW.

I realise that’s not a nice suggestion but given that if it’s an affair the OP says the marriage would be over anyway, and the fact that some do leave their partners for their affair partners, it’s IMO a very real possibility and more likely than one which says that he wants to buy time. After all, he has time while he’s away so why would he need to come back?

hellsbellsmelons · 31/01/2018 14:30

Well done for confronting him.
He just needs to show you his phone.
Make sure you check his camera roll as well.
Also look in the deleted folder within his camera roll.
If he's not tech savvy he won't think to double delete.

This is exactly how I found out my ExH was cheating.
I really hope this isn't that but from experience - be prepared that it might be the worst thing you can think of.

Hand holding here.
You sound strong and capable and I hope you get to the bottom of it.

VodkaLimeSoda27 · 31/01/2018 14:36

All the best to you, OP Flowers

luckiestgirl · 31/01/2018 14:38

Good luck op. I remember the feeling well.

ObiJuanKenobi · 31/01/2018 14:39

So sorry your going through this OP

stardust18 · 31/01/2018 14:40

Are you ok OP?

UnsuspectedItem · 31/01/2018 14:45

Thinking of you today, OP. I really hope there's a (truthful!) reasonable explanation

HateTheDF · 31/01/2018 15:02

Thinking of you too OP. You must be having some horrible thoughts right now.

I've got a DP who is very good at trying to deflect any blame onto me if he's done something he shouldn't. Don't let him do that to you, you've done nothing wrong, he needs to be honest with you and follow your gut feeling.

nc1984 · 31/01/2018 15:04

I hope you're ok. An awful thing, not knowing.

Ickyockycocky · 31/01/2018 15:20

It's hard to see a good outcome for this but I'm hoping that there will be. All the best OP Flowers.

MotherofaSurvivor · 31/01/2018 15:25

Good luck x

Whatcouldpossiblygowrong · 31/01/2018 15:28

I don't know you but I know how you must be feeling. Hang in there. This will eventually get better - one way or the other.

RampantRegina · 31/01/2018 15:53

Thinking of you OP. I remember those feelings well. I hope there is an innocent explanation, and if there isn’t, I wish you luck with whatever you decide to do.

Xxx