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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH has hours of calls logged to a number I don't recognise

999 replies

livingontheedgeee · 29/01/2018 18:22

So, we use a phone provider where you pay for a monthly contract then need to add credit for things like calling overseas, dialling non-standard numbers etc. Normally DH and I keep £10 extra credit on just in case.
Last night, DH ran me as he's working away and asked me to top it up for him (he's completely technophobic).Normally I'd just log into the app on my phone but I was sitting at the computer at the time so I logged onto his online phone account to do it from there.

Right there, on the front page, it gave the top 5 numbers he calls with the number of hours associated with each number. One number he'd spoken to for 364 hours over the course of a month! Checking further (of course) he'd also sent 13 MMS to the same number meaning he's sending picture messages too.

Now he does use his phone a lot if he has to speak to clients and there are some clients he calls regularly but looking at the other calls, none of them are more than 10 hours across the whole month.

So, I went to his phone contacts list and lo and behold, here's the number assigned to some woman who I've never heard of.

I want to confront him but neither do I want to look stupid. He's never given me any reason to think he's messing about. Except perhaps he doesn't call me every day like he used to. Sometimes he goes two or three days without a call. This is the only change in his behaviour but thought it was on the back of me saying he needn't feel obliged to call every night.

Question is, do I call this number? Or do I ask him outright? Do I let it ride and see if he continues to call her?

OP posts:
NaiceBiscuits · 31/01/2018 12:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

livingontheedgeee · 31/01/2018 12:25

If he deletes the texts then it's a sign of guilt. All I have to do is log onto his phone provider and show him how many he's made. I'll tell him I can easily get a transcript if he wants me to take it that far.

Knowing him as I do, I think if there's anything to say he'll come clean. He might try to come up with an excuse and maybe even try to shift the blame onto me in some way. Who knows.

OP posts:
SandyDenny · 31/01/2018 12:27

*OMG a child now

hahhahhahhaha!*

I'm not sure why you think that's so funny rainbownights, I know two people who found out that their husbands had a child from before they met. One man knew and kept it secret until not long before their wedding, the other didn't know about the child for several years

It's not that rare a thing to happen.

FlashTheSloth · 31/01/2018 12:32

I honestly think if he had a reasonable explanation, he would have come out with it there and then.

I found some messages between my DH and a work colleague on messenger when DS went on DH's tablet, nothing bad in themselves but it was the tone of them I wasn't comfortable with. When he got home I asked if I could look at his phone and said why. He needed to go to the toilet first, with said phone of course and I was stupid enough to let him. He came back and handed it over. Nearly all texts were gone, with an exaplantion that he deletes them because of the crap memory on his phone, which is true. Didn't account for the call logs which he didn't delete which showed they had been messaging A LOT. Now I don't believe he cheated but I do think there was some emotional affair going on. He knew a lot of personal stuff about her and used to talk about her a lot. He never mentioned he again after that, apart from saying she wanted to invite us over some time for the evening Hmm, and that never materialised. Apparently she liked me (despite having never met me) because of the things DH told her I say and do. I still don't know exactly what went on and I still have that niggle in my mind.

winobaglady · 31/01/2018 12:33

Let's hope she's a never before known about half sister, or similar.
Good Luck OP

FancyNewBeesly · 31/01/2018 12:33

It's great that you'll be able to tell if he's deleted messages or not - I never delete messages and can't think of any legitimate reason to do so (lack of phone storage isn't going to be much improved by deleting text messages)

MsWanaBanana · 31/01/2018 12:35

rainbownights Just give it a rest

kissmewherethesundontshine · 31/01/2018 12:36

I have been through this and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Hugs OP hoping it turns out to be a bizarre innocent explaination Thanks

Trinity66 · 31/01/2018 12:37

I honestly think if he had a reasonable explanation, he would have come out with it there and then

Unless it is something he'd been keeping from her other than an affair and wants to tell her in person

HiggeldyPigsinblankets · 31/01/2018 12:37

I really do hope for you OP there is an innocent explanation, the alternative is just awful I have been there

MsWanaBanana · 31/01/2018 12:38

SandyDenny Same thing happened to a good friend only a few weeks ago. She found out her DH has a 12 year old daughter that she never knew about and his ‘work trips’ were him going to stay with her and her mother, his on/off girlfriend from years ago who he was never really ‘off’ with.

JoeyMaynardssolidlump · 31/01/2018 12:39

Sorry op it doesn’t sound good xxx

MsWanaBanana · 31/01/2018 12:39

Agree with pp that if it was innocent he would have just told her there and then

whiskyowl · 31/01/2018 12:42

Print out a log of the texts and times, OP, so you can correlate the two.

I'm really sorry about his reaction. I honestly think someone with an innocent explanation would have come out straight away and told it to you. My guess is that right now he will be scrambling for an alternative story that fits the facts, or minimising what has happened ('It's only been an emotional affair').

Flowers It sucks to be in this position. I can remember how I felt when I found exP's messages to another woman. The mixture of rage, agony and humiliation that washed over me. Awful.

oldbirdy · 31/01/2018 12:42

I have a 46 year old friend who was the product of an affair. He meets his father a couple of times a year. His dad's family, including old half siblings, still have no idea he exists. Reportedly he is provided for by a secret will so his "father" has no intention of ever revealing his existence.

welshmist · 31/01/2018 12:45

This reply has been deleted

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Blackteadrinker77 · 31/01/2018 12:45

@welshmist You are not being forced to read

whiskyowl · 31/01/2018 12:46

Hmm I'm sure the OP is just devastated that you're bored welshmist.

FFS, what a horrible thing to write.

NaiceBiscuits · 31/01/2018 12:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsWanaBanana · 31/01/2018 12:51

welshmist Get lost then

nailyourcolours · 31/01/2018 12:54

"I'll tell him I can easily get a transcript if he wants me to take it that far."

Why haven't you done that already?

SandyDenny · 31/01/2018 12:57

I don't think you can actually get the content of texts, I think the OP was meaning she'd call his bluff.

Afaik phone companies only routinely keep the details of the message not what they say

ColinFlower · 31/01/2018 12:59

What do you think you'll do next op? It doesn't sound good, I hope he is truthful.

beanii · 31/01/2018 13:03

If it warrants leaving work to come home then personally to me it sounds guilty - I really hope I'm wrong xx

OldUggBoot · 31/01/2018 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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