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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH has hours of calls logged to a number I don't recognise

999 replies

livingontheedgeee · 29/01/2018 18:22

So, we use a phone provider where you pay for a monthly contract then need to add credit for things like calling overseas, dialling non-standard numbers etc. Normally DH and I keep £10 extra credit on just in case.
Last night, DH ran me as he's working away and asked me to top it up for him (he's completely technophobic).Normally I'd just log into the app on my phone but I was sitting at the computer at the time so I logged onto his online phone account to do it from there.

Right there, on the front page, it gave the top 5 numbers he calls with the number of hours associated with each number. One number he'd spoken to for 364 hours over the course of a month! Checking further (of course) he'd also sent 13 MMS to the same number meaning he's sending picture messages too.

Now he does use his phone a lot if he has to speak to clients and there are some clients he calls regularly but looking at the other calls, none of them are more than 10 hours across the whole month.

So, I went to his phone contacts list and lo and behold, here's the number assigned to some woman who I've never heard of.

I want to confront him but neither do I want to look stupid. He's never given me any reason to think he's messing about. Except perhaps he doesn't call me every day like he used to. Sometimes he goes two or three days without a call. This is the only change in his behaviour but thought it was on the back of me saying he needn't feel obliged to call every night.

Question is, do I call this number? Or do I ask him outright? Do I let it ride and see if he continues to call her?

OP posts:
Arseface · 31/01/2018 11:29

Oh Living, I’ve got everything crossed for him to show you bizarre but ultimately innocent texts.

PipGirl404 · 31/01/2018 11:29

@rainbownights

You're correct. There are hundreds of people who frequent mumsnet just to read into other peoples lives and get 'gossip' and yes no doubt people on this forum WILL be hoping for a massive showdown because it's not their life, so it's entertaining.

Sick I suppose, but human nature.

Salene · 31/01/2018 11:32

I’d not trust a think he says , why for instance was he staying at that hotel nor near his working area but near her. Sorry I’d be ringing her and asking for the truth

pinkie87 · 31/01/2018 11:39

He was near his working area wasn't he? Just coincidence that her children lived near there?

Really hope there's an innocent explanation OP.

Caken · 31/01/2018 11:41

I really hope there’s an innocent explanation OPFlowers

rainbownights · 31/01/2018 11:44

MY children could live near there. I'm not having an affair with him.

SandyDenny · 31/01/2018 11:44

I don't think you're said how old you both are, could it be that he has a child with her?

Fingers crossed you get an answer you can live with

rainbownights · 31/01/2018 11:47

OMG a child now

hahhahhahhaha!

JoeyMaynardssolidlump · 31/01/2018 11:49

Some mental posts now

DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 31/01/2018 11:50

Hope it all has an innocent explanation OP and you're doing OK today

FizzyGreenWater · 31/01/2018 11:52

You'll have your answer if he can show you all those messages that you can see took place, according to the bill online.

If he can't - then he's deleted them. And you will absolutely have your answer.

I'd tell him that now, btw, especially as you say he's not tech savvy.

'By the way, I have records of every message sent, including picture messages, and the date and time. So if you do intend to be able to prove to me that 'it's not how it looks' - then deleting even one of those messages before I can read it will not be the way to do it.'

FizzyGreenWater · 31/01/2018 11:54

Oh and yes it's unlikely that it's innocent - otherwise as you say he'd have been able to tell you there and then.

He's travelling back a. to buy time - he's sweating his way down the motorway right now trying to concoct a story,

and b. because he suspects this is game up and it's going to be a face-to-face begging job.

Good luck OP.

Aridane · 31/01/2018 11:56

Fingers crossed you look like a tit

twotired · 31/01/2018 12:00

Good luck OP.

MiniCooperLover · 31/01/2018 12:03

I hope he doesn't delete those texts OP. I hope it is innocent for you.

Idontdowindows · 31/01/2018 12:04

otherwise as you say he'd have been able to tell you there and then.

or perhaps he feels this is not something he wants to talk about over the phone, but face to face. Like a birth mother, lost sibling, long lost friend, surprise for an anniversary, you name it.

rainbownights · 31/01/2018 12:08

...or perhaps he feels so violated over some work telephone calls, and the OP changing his contacts, it's the last straw. Perhaps he's furious and does not want a row over the phone.

livingontheedgeee · 31/01/2018 12:09

No, he hasn't cheated before. I was referring to a past relationship where I was constantly lied to right up to the point I handed over copies of emails between then partner and our neighbour.

I can't tell you how much I want this to be a misunderstanding because although I'm capable of forgiveness, I'm not sure I could live with it and really don't want to deal with the consequences of that. The conspiracy theories about it being a long lost relative etc. is definitely wide of the mark. I'd know about that and don't forget I know the woman's name, what she looks like, where she lives - everything.

I'm trying to convince myself he's struck up a friendship with her and it's all innocent - if not a bit inappropriate.

OP posts:
rainbownights · 31/01/2018 12:10

Oh well you've already got him banged to rights OP. So god luck with that.

Idontdowindows · 31/01/2018 12:12

I don't think the innocent explanations are any more a conspiracy theory than the cheating explanation, but eh.... shrug

NaiceBiscuits · 31/01/2018 12:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blueshoes · 31/01/2018 12:12

OP, if it was innocent, he would more likely than not be shouting it over the phone. As it is, if it is not above board, he now has a few hours to cover his tracks and delete evidence. Ignore the last text he shows you to that number. It will be manufactured. In fact, he may have found out you have changed the contact number? Ask to see past texts.

You are on the right track. When you get to talk to him, say nothing of what you know for as long as possibly can. Leave lots of silences and wait for him to fill them in. For example, if he says that he has a medical condition and that is his doctor's contact number, resist the temptation to jump in based on what you know about the 54 year old and her children in Dumfries. After the sob story comes out, ask when he knew about the condition (mentally aligning it with when the calls date back to), how often he contacted the doctor, name of and where does the doctor practice. You get the gist.

Hopefully, it will be the truth and he won't have a problem providing those details. Otherwise, he will be shitting himself not knowing what you know and that the more he says, the more chances it will contradict the evidence you have. Make him sweat. He will probably storm off or accuse you of not trusting him, when his story starts to fall apart. Beware of all of this.

Good luck. Hope you get to the truth.

Dizzylin · 31/01/2018 12:19

Hope all is innocent OP Flowers

RedDogsBeg · 31/01/2018 12:21

Your dh saying "It's not what you think it is" means he knows exactly what it looks like and how he would view it if the roles were reversed. Sadly, it usually is exactly what you think it is, I hope for you that yours is the exception to the rule.

Opensesame1 · 31/01/2018 12:21

I really do hope he has a genuine explanation OP.. but the fact that he has to come home and couldn’t explain over the phone makes me think he is buying himself some time.. x

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