DH has hours of calls logged to a number I don't recognise

[livingontheedgeee]

So, we use a phone provider where you pay for a monthly contract then need to add credit for things like calling overseas, dialling non-standard numbers etc. Normally DH and I keep £10 extra credit on just in case.
Last night, DH ran me as he's working away and asked me to top it up for him (he's completely technophobic).Normally I'd just log into the app on my phone but I was sitting at the computer at the time so I logged onto his online phone account to do it from there.

Right there, on the front page, it gave the top 5 numbers he calls with the number of hours associated with each number. One number he'd spoken to for 364 hours over the course of a month! Checking further (of course) he'd also sent 13 MMS to the same number meaning he's sending picture messages too.

Now he does use his phone a lot if he has to speak to clients and there are some clients he calls regularly but looking at the other calls, none of them are more than 10 hours across the whole month.

So, I went to his phone contacts list and lo and behold, here's the number assigned to some woman who I've never heard of.

I want to confront him but neither do I want to look stupid. He's never given me any reason to think he's messing about. Except perhaps he doesn't call me every day like he used to. Sometimes he goes two or three days without a call. This is the only change in his behaviour but thought it was on the back of me saying he needn't feel obliged to call every night.

Question is, do I call this number? Or do I ask him outright? Do I let it ride and see if he continues to call her?

Excellent post @forumdonkey

OP, if you're still reading these posts, please don't let the bickering upset you.
I hope to goodness that your silence means you have found your answer and that it was all innocent. Good luck

Hope this works for you OP. When's he coming home? I'm guessing that's the time or day the messages might start up.

The number swap was mid-day yesterday but if he is with her they wont be texting each other until they're apart again.

I must admit i skimmed through all the posts since the last one from OP.

All the usual derailing and bickering then.

Forum

OP must feel like her life is imploding and I can't imagine anyone who feels suspicious of their partner cheating, wouldn't try to find out if they were, even if it wasn't just checking their pockets. I'm sure as much as anything she's desperately trying to disprove there are lies and deceit from her DH. I have read nowhere where she is planning on doing anything to cause harm to her DH or this OW, she is seeking peace of mind one way or the other. Give the poor woman a break, she's found out a pattern of calls, which is not normal for her DH to a woman she's not aware of and anyone who has been in that position knows the devastation and pain that causes.

Yes, of course OP wants answers and it is a horrible position to be in- I feel for her. I can understand looking for answers. I too think she probably just wants to be able to prove that her suspicions are unfounded. But that doesn't give her the right to do whatever she likes to get the answers she wants without consequences. I hope there is an innocent explanation, from the info posted it is hard to say either way.

I guess if she finds out he has been having an affair her methods are a moot point. But what if he is innocent? And what if he does find out what she has done (though I know OP thinks this unlikely as he's a technophobe)?

As I said before- an ex-partner of mine believed I was cheating on him (I wasn't) and snooped through my mail, my phone, my personal emails and all sorts to try and prove it. Of course, he didn't find anything concrete because there was nothing to find. But there were things to him that were "suspicious"- they weren't, but in his mind they were. He hadn't been able to access work phone or email, or FB. He demanded I let him see those "to prove there was nothing going on". I declined- partly because the work email/phone had things he had no right to be privy to (work related) and partly because I was so upset and angry at all the snooping, the lack of trust and the fact he was essentially calling me a liar (didn't believe me when I said there was nothing going on). All of that meant that the relationship was dead in the water from my point of view. I felt my privacy had been violated and I couldn't trust HIM anymore.

Had he not confronted me and I had found out about the snooping, even though he had decided nothing was going on, I would still have been very angry and would have probably ended the relationship anyway.

Some people have said they'd be fine with it- so perhaps OPs DH would be if he finds out (and hasn't done anything wrong). If he has had an affair I hope things work out ok for OP and she has the real life support she needs.

Sending strength OP 🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷

Drknitting, strength is what she'll need if she's still hoping this thread will help!

But tulips are always helpful🌷🌷🌷

Is there a way to filter the thread to just see updates from OP?

Needsleepnow87 They show in a different colour, can you just scroll through?

Or search by OP's name:
www.mumsnet.com/SearchArch?mustmatch=&dontmatch=&nickname=+livingontheedgeee&src_displ_option=s_m_d_m&fromDate=&toDate=&topicmode=All&availtops=-1

livingontheedgeee Tue 30-Jan-18 15:15:40

Needsleepnow you need to change your preferences to show OP's posts in a differnet colour.

There's probably a quicker way to get to it but I don't know how. Go to main page, then mumsnet FAQs at the very bottom, scroll through these and there is info on how to 'Customise' your talk view - word customise is a link - follow it and you can change your settings -as long as you are logged in!

I hope you are ok OP

Is everything ok Op?

OK. So I spoke to him. I couldn't hold it in any longer. I didn't accuse him and wasn't angry. I didn't say I knew who it was he'd been calling just asked him who he'd been speaking to that warranted all that time/texts.

He went very quiet and said it wasn't what I thought to which I replied I had done some digging but wanted to give him the opportunity to explain things himself. Now I'd have thought if it was innocent he'd have an explanation at hand but I think he's skirting round things. I could be wrong.

He's on his way home. If he has nothing to hide then he'll show me the messages and I'll look like a complete tit. That's something I'll risk.

I hope you end up looking like a tit then. That's the best option.

Sending you a hug x

Well done, OP. Much more sensible. I hope you do look like a complete tit and it is all innocent. Good luck.

Another one hoping you end up looking like a tit OP. best of luck.

Oh op hope you’re ok and there’s something else that going on- whatever the outcome be kind to yourself.

Well here's hoping he's actually found his long lost birth mother/secret sister/etc etc and that it isn't what you think.

If it was nothing he should have been able to explain over the phone surely...now he's got thinking time and time to get a story straight with ow

If it is innocent though, I wouldn't expect him to be on his way home, I'd have expected an instant and full explanation and him to forward the messages

You won't look like a complete tit because you've not done anything wrong other than ask him who this person is. I do hope there's a good and valid explanation for it

Good luck OP. Let him do the talking when he gets back.

The messages will be gone and you will have your answer.