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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH has hours of calls logged to a number I don't recognise

999 replies

livingontheedgeee · 29/01/2018 18:22

So, we use a phone provider where you pay for a monthly contract then need to add credit for things like calling overseas, dialling non-standard numbers etc. Normally DH and I keep £10 extra credit on just in case.
Last night, DH ran me as he's working away and asked me to top it up for him (he's completely technophobic).Normally I'd just log into the app on my phone but I was sitting at the computer at the time so I logged onto his online phone account to do it from there.

Right there, on the front page, it gave the top 5 numbers he calls with the number of hours associated with each number. One number he'd spoken to for 364 hours over the course of a month! Checking further (of course) he'd also sent 13 MMS to the same number meaning he's sending picture messages too.

Now he does use his phone a lot if he has to speak to clients and there are some clients he calls regularly but looking at the other calls, none of them are more than 10 hours across the whole month.

So, I went to his phone contacts list and lo and behold, here's the number assigned to some woman who I've never heard of.

I want to confront him but neither do I want to look stupid. He's never given me any reason to think he's messing about. Except perhaps he doesn't call me every day like he used to. Sometimes he goes two or three days without a call. This is the only change in his behaviour but thought it was on the back of me saying he needn't feel obliged to call every night.

Question is, do I call this number? Or do I ask him outright? Do I let it ride and see if he continues to call her?

OP posts:
ICanStandtheHeat · 30/01/2018 22:53

Thinking of you OP

JoeyMaynardssolidlump · 30/01/2018 22:55

lash

You sound like you are really enjoying this whole thread.

Very very sad you include ‘ha ha and thick skulls*

You are either very young and don’t appreciate the pain the op is going through and other adult women’s attempts to advise snd support get through this as best we can or you
Are just enjoying the drama here?

Please remember this is a real life crisis and not a pissing competition

Jassmells · 30/01/2018 22:56

If he is having an affair surely he will have text her by now? Confused hope yo are ok OP.

JoeyMaynardssolidlump · 30/01/2018 22:59

I hope you come back op as no one is judging you here just empathising

Lashalicious · 30/01/2018 22:59

Joey I’m not the one calling the Op a harasser, stalker, hacker, impersonator, controlling, etc. The drama is coming from the posters who are accusing the op of “meddling” in her own husband’s life and not leaving his possible girlfriend alone.

If you read all my posts here, you would not say that I’m enjoying this thread. I hope for the best for the op, that is exactly the reason I’m calling out the posters who are adding to her distress.

Lashalicious · 30/01/2018 23:00

Joey you are defending the posters who are judging the op. Have you not read the thread??

HateTheDF · 30/01/2018 23:00

Jass - unless he's currently with her and it starts back up again when he's back home

JoeyMaynardssolidlump · 30/01/2018 23:08

It’s aibu! Posters give opinions and don’t always agree on the actions taken.

That’s a world away from not empathising with the op.

You mention a possible girlfriend? No evidence not a shred but obviousiy grounds for a conversation.

Posters warning the op of possible concequences of actions is being supportive.

I have read the whole thread.

IndieTara · 30/01/2018 23:20

Rooting for you op

alotalotalot · 30/01/2018 23:27

You've found a good way to check without upsetting the apple cart if it's innocent.
Hope it is innocent.

unicorncow · 30/01/2018 23:32

Any update? I really hope it's innocent for you!

Busymumoftwinsandboyof10 · 31/01/2018 00:18

What a horrible situation to be in. I truly hope there is a reasonable explanation for this. I would have defo done the same if I was in your shoes though. 🤔

MotherofaSurvivor · 31/01/2018 02:53

@livingontheedgeee Are you ok? X

forumdonkey · 31/01/2018 07:13

So much bickering and arguing over legalities from many who are keyboard lawyers over something that would probably, under the circumstances, get nothing more than an eye roll. OP must feel like her life is imploding and I can't imagine anyone who feels suspicious of their partner cheating, wouldn't try to find out if they were, even if it wasn't just checking their pockets. I'm sure as much as anything she's desperately trying to disprove there are lies and deceit from her DH. I have read nowhere where she is planning on doing anything to cause harm to her DH or this OW, she is seeking peace of mind one way or the other. Give the poor woman a break, she's found out a pattern of calls, which is not normal for her DH to a woman she's not aware of and anyone who has been in that position knows the devastation and pain that causes.
Good luck OP Flowers

StrictlySnow · 31/01/2018 07:15

Completely agree Donkey Flowers OP

Passmethecakeplease · 31/01/2018 07:26

I wouldn't change the number round on the phone as, when he goes to text, it'll automatically bring up the previous conversation YOU had before with him.

Raindancer411 · 31/01/2018 07:27

passmethecakenplease - OP said it's her work number that he doesn't know and hasn't used before

Milkshakebelly · 31/01/2018 07:38

Hope you are ok OP Flowers

whiskyowl · 31/01/2018 07:38

Well said forumdonkey.

Hope you are OK this morning, OP.

Winosaurus · 31/01/2018 07:39

I hope you get answers! X

purplelass · 31/01/2018 07:44

Well said forumdonkey
I hope OP managed to get some sleep last night to help her make sense of all the information that's hit her, and that she can find resolution soon (and obviously that it's good news Flowers)

MrsMotherHen · 31/01/2018 07:44

Any updates OP did you get any messages last night.

ILoveMrDarcy · 31/01/2018 07:45

@forumdonkey Excellent post! You wrote exactly what I was thinking. No wonder the OP hasn't come back. No one is in a position to judge until they've walked a mile in her shoes, and I for one would do what I could to try and disprove my worst fears.

Good luck OP, some of us are rooting for you x

diodati · 31/01/2018 07:59

No updates from OP but I'm also hoping with all my heart that her DH isn't deceiving her.

TheMaddHugger · 31/01/2018 08:06

@forumdonkey👍👍👍👍👍

((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) @livingontheedgeee