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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH has hours of calls logged to a number I don't recognise

999 replies

livingontheedgeee · 29/01/2018 18:22

So, we use a phone provider where you pay for a monthly contract then need to add credit for things like calling overseas, dialling non-standard numbers etc. Normally DH and I keep £10 extra credit on just in case.
Last night, DH ran me as he's working away and asked me to top it up for him (he's completely technophobic).Normally I'd just log into the app on my phone but I was sitting at the computer at the time so I logged onto his online phone account to do it from there.

Right there, on the front page, it gave the top 5 numbers he calls with the number of hours associated with each number. One number he'd spoken to for 364 hours over the course of a month! Checking further (of course) he'd also sent 13 MMS to the same number meaning he's sending picture messages too.

Now he does use his phone a lot if he has to speak to clients and there are some clients he calls regularly but looking at the other calls, none of them are more than 10 hours across the whole month.

So, I went to his phone contacts list and lo and behold, here's the number assigned to some woman who I've never heard of.

I want to confront him but neither do I want to look stupid. He's never given me any reason to think he's messing about. Except perhaps he doesn't call me every day like he used to. Sometimes he goes two or three days without a call. This is the only change in his behaviour but thought it was on the back of me saying he needn't feel obliged to call every night.

Question is, do I call this number? Or do I ask him outright? Do I let it ride and see if he continues to call her?

OP posts:
Chocolatefudgecake100 · 30/01/2018 21:38

Hope its nothing

Tissunnyupnorth · 30/01/2018 21:46

I really hope it just turns out to be a work thing. Flowers

Mycatisahacker · 30/01/2018 21:59

2Birds

I already posted what he was charged with!

Other posters have posted the link to the law.

Not engaging on this as it’s already been said and it’s not helping the op for us to be bickering although if you are a police officer I do hope you take allegations of controlling behaviour seriously from a man or a woman.

2birds1chick · 30/01/2018 22:05

Mycat No you didn't. You have been ambiguous about whether you're talking about the computer misuse act, or coercive and controlling behaviour. Either way, taking someone's phone and reading their messages is not enough ON IT'S OWN to get you charged with either offence. As I stated. So if there was other accusations made by the wife, then this is irrelevant to this post, as the OP is not going to get arrested and charged with anything for what she has done.
And I do take accusations of DV very seriously, thanks for your concern. Shame the CPS need a little thing called 'evidence' before they like to charge people...

TheBrilliantMistake · 30/01/2018 22:08

Yes it is enough to be charged.
I have personally witnessed successful prosecutions for this.

TheBrilliantMistake · 30/01/2018 22:11

The police do not have to charge anybody for a prosecution to take place. The police will almost certainly not want to spend the time and effort. A barrister will have no such issue prosecuting such a case.

OutToGetYou · 30/01/2018 22:15

Oh, you mean private prosecutions then Brilliant? That is a bit different, isn't it?

TheBrilliantMistake · 30/01/2018 22:15

They don't actually get many prosecutions because usually it's a very simple case like this, and the plaintiff usually has been found out and they have bigger issues (and potential costs) than to fighting it in court.
Where it does usually happen is when information's been taken from a company phone (email usually) and the firm has decided to take it to court (but it's usually settled before reaching court)

MrsMaxwell · 30/01/2018 22:17

Bloody hell this has derailed since last night....

OutToGetYou · 30/01/2018 22:17

Oh, in that case you're talking about civil cases, not criminal cases. There is quite a difference, not least of which the burden of proof is far lower.

FairiesVsPixies · 30/01/2018 22:18

Genius idea changing the no. Can't believe his audacity
His audacity? We don't even know he's done anything yet Confused

TheBrilliantMistake · 30/01/2018 22:21

Yes, private prosecutions.
90% of this stuff is domestic like this, but there's the odd theft of a corporate device or 'borrowing of it' (to access data on it) when the police are called in. Same principle though - if it's not your device, do not access it or read information on it!

JoeyMaynardssolidlump · 30/01/2018 22:23

I think the responses here might be different if a man was posting and I say that as a mumsnetter for over 10 years.

Big hugs op Flowers

TheBrilliantMistake · 30/01/2018 22:25

Common sense would apply in most cases, but when you're willfully modifying someone's contact list to impersonate someone else, you're getting deeper and deeper into big hole territory!

MrWasheeWashee · 30/01/2018 22:26

I hope it turns out to be nothing OP. Not sure your number thing will work though because if she texts him first and it comes up as an unknown number, then he goes to add it to the phone book but her name will already be there with your number in it's place. Also I think it's a bit silly, why not just ask him to explain?

Browtox · 30/01/2018 22:27

“Barristers prosecuting” ? Sure you know anything about thd law?

Lashalicious · 30/01/2018 22:35

Well done 2birds

mycat got called on her bs.

Hence her sputtering non reply about the charge and chiding others on the “bickering” that she was happily involved in up until now haha!!

During this thread, Op has been advised to call herself “daft.” Op has been called a harasser, a stalker, a hacker, and controlling.
I’ve been harassed before. The op is not a harasser or any of these other things, ridiculous. There are some real doozies on this thread.

Lashalicious · 30/01/2018 22:36

And now she’s an impersonator too. Haha!! You all are absolutely nuts.

TheBrilliantMistake · 30/01/2018 22:36

On behalf of the Plaintiff!

welshmist · 30/01/2018 22:39

A friend caught her husband out, she found the contact on his phone, changed the number to her own and started receiving very naughty texts, she was in the kitchen, he was upstairs putting in a new bathroom.. I was impressed by her ingenuity. However, she had far more clues he was having an affair before she did this.

TheBrilliantMistake · 30/01/2018 22:41

If you are modifying someone's contact list so that you can send text messages that give the appearance of originating from somebody else, yes, you are impersonating that person.
If you answer a text message and claim to be the intended recipient when you are not, that too is impersonation.
Don't do it.

Mrsderekshepard · 30/01/2018 22:46

Any update op? Hope everything is ok?

confusedhelpme · 30/01/2018 22:47
Thanks
Lashalicious · 30/01/2018 22:50

Brill, obtuse much? Do you not comprehend what is going on here? This is not some malicious criminal stealing a stranger’s identity and making off with all his worldly possessions and impersonating him. This is not the return of Martin Guerre. This is a woman who is checking up on her husband after finding evidence of cheating. Doing what she’s done is not going to get charged or anything like that! The police officer who commented above said she wouldn’t, which you and everyone else here well know. Thick skulls!

2birds1chick · 30/01/2018 22:51

Lashalicious Star