Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH has hours of calls logged to a number I don't recognise

999 replies

livingontheedgeee · 29/01/2018 18:22

So, we use a phone provider where you pay for a monthly contract then need to add credit for things like calling overseas, dialling non-standard numbers etc. Normally DH and I keep £10 extra credit on just in case.
Last night, DH ran me as he's working away and asked me to top it up for him (he's completely technophobic).Normally I'd just log into the app on my phone but I was sitting at the computer at the time so I logged onto his online phone account to do it from there.

Right there, on the front page, it gave the top 5 numbers he calls with the number of hours associated with each number. One number he'd spoken to for 364 hours over the course of a month! Checking further (of course) he'd also sent 13 MMS to the same number meaning he's sending picture messages too.

Now he does use his phone a lot if he has to speak to clients and there are some clients he calls regularly but looking at the other calls, none of them are more than 10 hours across the whole month.

So, I went to his phone contacts list and lo and behold, here's the number assigned to some woman who I've never heard of.

I want to confront him but neither do I want to look stupid. He's never given me any reason to think he's messing about. Except perhaps he doesn't call me every day like he used to. Sometimes he goes two or three days without a call. This is the only change in his behaviour but thought it was on the back of me saying he needn't feel obliged to call every night.

Question is, do I call this number? Or do I ask him outright? Do I let it ride and see if he continues to call her?

OP posts:
Tistheseason17 · 30/01/2018 20:37

How are you doing, OP?

TheBrilliantMistake · 30/01/2018 20:37

Loads of times I can be putting in a lot of effort with a new client (loads of hours), and the niggling / pestering old client is the one I moan about because they're taking up time. Nowhere near the amount of time as the new client, but it's pestering time!

Cuppaoftea · 30/01/2018 20:40

If she was a new client it would be reasonable for the Op to assume he'd have mentioned her, Op does his admin including invoices.

BeyondWitchbitchterf · 30/01/2018 20:43

OP, is he staying in a hotel while he's working away?
Or wherever he is staying, do you know for definite that he is actually there?
Six hours doesn't sound much for a month, but if you're also seeing the person every day, it suddenly seems a lot more...

I'm curious about all the misuse of comms leading to prosecution stuff. DHs phone is in my name, afai concerned it's mine and he uses it. I'm just wondering aloud if that would still count, if I had a need to check it

mumpoints · 30/01/2018 20:44

I think the sad thing here is, if it were me, I would have thought it was work, a friend, a relative, a fellow hobbyist, just about anything other than an affair. I’m wondering what sort of life you have to immediately think the worst. It’s sad.

SandyY2K · 30/01/2018 20:46

What law states it's illegal to change a telephone number in your spouse's phone contacts? I'm genuinely interested.

All those saying just ask him. If he's cheating ..he'll lie. That's what cheaters do.

StarlightSparkle · 30/01/2018 20:51

Mumpoints, sometimes it’s gut instinct, even if you didn’t suspect them before. I saw multiple WhatsApps appear early in the morning on my H’s phone and prior to this it hadn’t crossed my mind that he was having an affair but it seemed odd. I decided to look at his phone to check if it was just work stuff and if so would immediately put the phone down but it wasn’t and lo and behold it turned out he’d been having an affair. I hadn’t suspected a thing before seeing the notifications.

That said, in this case I think it could genuinely be work-related. I hope so.

mumpoints · 30/01/2018 20:55

I hope so too.

TheBrilliantMistake · 30/01/2018 20:58

The Computer Misuse Act 1990

Unauthorised access to computer material.
(1) A person is guilty of an offence if—
(a) he causes a computer to perform any function with intent to secure access to any program or data held in any computer [F1, or to enable any such access to be secured] ;
(b) the access he intends to secure [F2, or to enable to be secured,] is unauthorised; and
(c) he knows at the time when he causes the computer to perform the function that that is the case.

(2) The intent a person has to have to commit an offence under this section need not be directed at—
(a) any particular program or data;
(b) a program or data of any particular kind; or
(c) a program or data held in any particular computer.

`

Delatron · 30/01/2018 21:00

I think it's about what is normal for him though.
My DH spends hours and hours on the phone, could be to one client. 6 hours to one number wouldn't alarm me.
But she knows his job, is 6 hours unusual to one person? Does he have a manual job where it's just quick 5 minute chats or does he sit at a desk on calls?

It's quite key that he is staying near where this woman lives, nowhere near his jobs no?

Intelinside · 30/01/2018 21:01

That has nothing to do with anything! Bloody hell 😂

TheBrilliantMistake · 30/01/2018 21:01

Essentially, you shouldn't even access someone else's phone - you're accessing data on that phone that's not yours - messages, contacts, images...

Changing data (to misrepresent someone's identity) is also quite bad. It SEEMS like a bit of fun, but essentially, but sending a message that pretends to be somebody else, you're impersonating them... very naughty and very wrong.

GlitteryFluff · 30/01/2018 21:05

Hope you're ok op Thanks

Mycatisahacker · 30/01/2018 21:12

sandy it’s illegsl. Our neighbours wife was shagging around and he took her phone to check it. He was arrested. You can’t acfess data that isn’t yours to access.

Mycatisahacker · 30/01/2018 21:12

X post

MagnaWiles · 30/01/2018 21:16

I believe that the legal position is that, if somebody has given you access (as it sounds like the OP's DH has given her) then you have every right to access it.

That has definitely been the ruling in a number of employment tribunals where emails in somebody's inbox has been used as evidence against them by people they'd granted access to...

Littlemissamy · 30/01/2018 21:19

Oh OP, I have you’re ok. I remember the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and the feeling that my heart was gonna burst out of my chest when I first had my suspicions with exH. Let us know you’re alright when you’re ready Flowers

2birds1chick · 30/01/2018 21:19

Mycat I can assure you that as a police officer, if someone had bought someone into custody for looking through their wife's text messages, they'd have been turned away, and hauled over the coals by their Sgt.
To have been arrested, your neighbour will have certainly done more than that.

Mycatisahacker · 30/01/2018 21:22

2Nirds

Of course she accused him or controlling snd cooercive behaviour. He played into her hands by taking her phone and refusing to give it back.

I can assure you he was charged.

Mycatisahacker · 30/01/2018 21:22

And cast thrown out.

cf21 · 30/01/2018 21:22

Whatever the legal stance, and whether people think this is morally right or wrong, OP has already done it now and I'm sure they are currently concerned with other things much more than peoples opinions.

I just really hope you're ok OP.

Palavapalava · 30/01/2018 21:22

Hope all ok x

Mycatisahacker · 30/01/2018 21:23

Hope you are ok op? Flowers

Obviously everyone has different views on your actions but that’s natural however I think we all are very sympathetic to your situation

2birds1chick · 30/01/2018 21:25

Mycat charged with what?

Dairymilkmuncher · 30/01/2018 21:28

Hope everything turns out fine I personally wouldn't mess about with his contacts it's a bit strange to do