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Original poster

DH has hours of calls logged to a number I don't recognise

999 replies

livingontheedgeee · 29/01/2018 18:22

So, we use a phone provider where you pay for a monthly contract then need to add credit for things like calling overseas, dialling non-standard numbers etc. Normally DH and I keep £10 extra credit on just in case.
Last night, DH ran me as he's working away and asked me to top it up for him (he's completely technophobic).Normally I'd just log into the app on my phone but I was sitting at the computer at the time so I logged onto his online phone account to do it from there.

Right there, on the front page, it gave the top 5 numbers he calls with the number of hours associated with each number. One number he'd spoken to for 364 hours over the course of a month! Checking further (of course) he'd also sent 13 MMS to the same number meaning he's sending picture messages too.

Now he does use his phone a lot if he has to speak to clients and there are some clients he calls regularly but looking at the other calls, none of them are more than 10 hours across the whole month.

So, I went to his phone contacts list and lo and behold, here's the number assigned to some woman who I've never heard of.

I want to confront him but neither do I want to look stupid. He's never given me any reason to think he's messing about. Except perhaps he doesn't call me every day like he used to. Sometimes he goes two or three days without a call. This is the only change in his behaviour but thought it was on the back of me saying he needn't feel obliged to call every night.

Question is, do I call this number? Or do I ask him outright? Do I let it ride and see if he continues to call her?

OP posts:
Cuppaoftea · 30/01/2018 19:48

Noone's goading the Op. She knows what is normal work phone activity for her DH, calling and texting this woman more than all his other clients together in the month does seem suspicious as does the fact he's never mentioned her and doesn't have a current work contract in Dumfries. Sounds like the Op does his accounting and is very involved in the business so it's odd this woman, in such regular contact and saved under a nickname, hasn't been mentioned.

I hope it turns out to be innocent but would do exactly the same as the Op in her situation. Normally I'm all for a straight face to face confrontation but she can't do that when he isn't due home for some time.

Gemini69 · 30/01/2018 19:48

the changing number thing is Genius.. good luck Flowers

BleakBetty · 30/01/2018 19:53

Oh OP, I can imagine exactly how awful this must feel. Fingers totally crossed for an innocent explanation for you. Personally, I would also search for more ‘evidence’ before questioning him further. If there’s anything untoward going on you’ll soon know about it.

Has he shown any ‘suspicious behaviour’? Messaging more, being secretive with his phone, going out at odd times etc.?

MotherofTerriers · 30/01/2018 19:54

Good luck OP. I hope its all innocent. I've been there - and it wasn't, my XOH was having an affair. He lied and lied - and would still be lying if I hadn't had proof he couldn't talk his way out of.

I do understand needing to know, fingers crossed she's just a difficult client

PeanutButterLips · 30/01/2018 19:54

If you haven't received a txt yet from him, meant for her, then you can check the statement again and see if he is texting her number . That way you don't have to ask anything.

rainbownights · 30/01/2018 19:54

"calling and texting this woman more than all his other clients together"

Where does the OP say that?

Intelinside · 30/01/2018 20:00

She said that all the other calls came to about £28 and calls to this woman came to about £48 earlier in the thread...

rainbownights · 30/01/2018 20:04

But the OP tops up the phone for him doesn't she? So he must know that a big increase will be noticeable... but he doesn't seem to have a problem with it.

eskimopebble · 30/01/2018 20:04

Also she said the last call he made to that number was 9pm and he had text the number 151 times in a month... just sayin...

hotcrossbuns765 · 30/01/2018 20:06

Genius idea changing the no. Can't believe his audacity.

FlashTheSloth · 30/01/2018 20:10

I honestly can't imagine it's an innocent explanation. Even if he was doing a big job, it doesn't require 6 hours of calls, over 150 texts plus a load of picture messages.

Mycatisahacker · 30/01/2018 20:14

The changing number thing is genius? no it’s illegal and coukd be treated as controlling and coersive I know this for s fact and if the dh felt inclined he could contact the police.

Some posters have been unbelievably and quite distasteful to egging on the op because presumably they are enjoying the drama and want a catch up later. This is not a bloody soap opera it’s her real life marriage ffs.

The dh could be having an affair or it could be she’s an important client snd the op is potentially
Causing massive damage to her dhs professional
Reputation.

I have massive sympathy op and really hope it gets sorted you must be so worried xx

Birdshitbridgegotme · 30/01/2018 20:16

I hope you're wrong op. Not for him but for you. I must say you are handling is brilliantly. Hugs Flowers

TheBrilliantMistake · 30/01/2018 20:17

You're joking... I can spend 4 or 5 hours a day on calls (mobile) sometimes, and 100 texts in a single day is not unusual. Other days, it could be hardly anything.

The picture messaging is unusual these days, but if he's not technosavvy (as some of the guys who send stuff to me aren't) then they DO send images via MMS. The charges for MMS are not always for sending, but for receiving them too.

InsomniacAnonymous · 30/01/2018 20:18

"Even if he was doing a big job, it doesn't require 6 hours of calls, over 150 texts plus a load of picture messages."

You can't possibly know that.

TheBrilliantMistake · 30/01/2018 20:19

I've literally just spent the last hour on a business call, at this time of night. It's perfectly normal for some.

sillyoldowl · 30/01/2018 20:20

Hope it works out ok op

juddyrockingcloggs · 30/01/2018 20:22

I honestly can't imagine it's an innocent explanation. Even if he was doing a big job, it doesn't require 6 hours of calls, over 150 texts plus a load of picture message

The jobs my company undertake often do require that.

jacks11 · 30/01/2018 20:24

No she's really not "handling it brilliantly". OP is understandably concerned and wants answers. I can't condone the way she is planning to try and find those answers.

Changing numbers could be, for some people, something they are very upset and angry about- for some angry enough to end the relationship. There seems to be some debate about whether what's she's done is even legal.

Though I hope she has got it wrong for BOTH of them. If she has it wrong, then I feel sorry for her DH and for OP. It would appear their marriage is facing some difficulties either way: either he is guilty of infidelity or he is innocent and has had his privacy invaded (as well as OP realising their are trust issues within her marriage).

Mycatisahacker · 30/01/2018 20:24

flash

You have no idea though it could be a very demanding client and a big job?

Equally not. The op needs to ask her dh when he comes home and his reaction will tell her. I know Chesters lie but usually with practise and with prior warning. This doesn’t seem to be the case here and she will know by his reaction.

Shimmershimmerandshine · 30/01/2018 20:27

I really don't understand why the OP doesn't just confront him and ask wtf is going on. Assuming she has some money in her name that is. I am Confused about all this illicit phone checking and searching for evidence, it's a man who is possibly having an affair not a murder trial.

Cuppaoftea · 30/01/2018 20:29

It doesn't matter what's normal for others with time spent on work calls, what's relevant is the Op's DH's usual habits.

Considering she said 'The longest time he's spoken to any other number is 54 minutes over the month and I know who it is. He already told me they're eating into his day with the number of calls they expect', why has he not complained about having to spend 6 hours in the month calling this woman as well as 150 odd texts if it's all for work.

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/01/2018 20:34

I really don't understand why the OP doesn't just confront him and ask wtf is going on

Because he is away and it is a damned sight harder to tell if someone is lying or being evasive over the phone than face to face. Unless it is completely unavoidable she should wait until he is home.

MiserableAsSin · 30/01/2018 20:35

I think your jumping to conclusions.

Who has an affair where they only speak for what an hour and half a week? That have only sent a handful of texts?

You'd be surprised
Although I very much hope this isn't the case here Thanksit's not something I'd wish on anyone op.

TheBrilliantMistake · 30/01/2018 20:36

If you have a new client, you might spend a lot of time on the phone with them at first. An older client might not be his number one caller at the moment, but can be a pain who eats into his time, and thus he mentions the older client because he's a pain in the bum.

The 6 hours to his new client might not be mentioned because that's normal for a new client, so not out of the ordinary, whereas 1 hour to the pain in the bum is still a pain in the bum and gets a mention because it's seen as a constant interruption!