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Original poster

DH has hours of calls logged to a number I don't recognise

999 replies

livingontheedgeee · 29/01/2018 18:22

So, we use a phone provider where you pay for a monthly contract then need to add credit for things like calling overseas, dialling non-standard numbers etc. Normally DH and I keep £10 extra credit on just in case.
Last night, DH ran me as he's working away and asked me to top it up for him (he's completely technophobic).Normally I'd just log into the app on my phone but I was sitting at the computer at the time so I logged onto his online phone account to do it from there.

Right there, on the front page, it gave the top 5 numbers he calls with the number of hours associated with each number. One number he'd spoken to for 364 hours over the course of a month! Checking further (of course) he'd also sent 13 MMS to the same number meaning he's sending picture messages too.

Now he does use his phone a lot if he has to speak to clients and there are some clients he calls regularly but looking at the other calls, none of them are more than 10 hours across the whole month.

So, I went to his phone contacts list and lo and behold, here's the number assigned to some woman who I've never heard of.

I want to confront him but neither do I want to look stupid. He's never given me any reason to think he's messing about. Except perhaps he doesn't call me every day like he used to. Sometimes he goes two or three days without a call. This is the only change in his behaviour but thought it was on the back of me saying he needn't feel obliged to call every night.

Question is, do I call this number? Or do I ask him outright? Do I let it ride and see if he continues to call her?

OP posts:
therealposieparker · 30/01/2018 19:05

I just asked my DH whether he'd be angry if I thought he was having an affair and snooped, went to great lengths to catch him, and he said no. He said, which is what I knew already, that if I was deeply suspicious then he'd understand. We know far too many blokes who have had affairs, tbh.

LizzieSiddal · 30/01/2018 19:06

I agree with LoverOfCake too.

The way to solve this is to speak to your partner. Yes you want evidence but ask him to see the texts. If he refuses you have your answer. You don’t need to start changing or redirecting numbers!

Whatshallidonowpeople · 30/01/2018 19:06

@Blondshavemorefun
Really?? You really think a 30s man wouldn't have an affair with a woman in her 50s? You are giving blonds a bad name.

MorningstarMoon · 30/01/2018 19:08

I hope you get to the bottom of it soon OP.

It's hard having so much doubt and not having any answers.

jacks11 · 30/01/2018 19:08

I cannot agree with posters saying you can snoop or do anything you like in terms of looking through private correspondence/ mail/ emails/ phones pursuit of "answers" because of the suspicions of infidelity. It absolutely is crossing a line for some people. It was for me.

blackberryfairy · 30/01/2018 19:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ninabean17 · 30/01/2018 19:11

It's an awful situation to be in, I hope you get a resolution quickly op x

Rosesarebest · 30/01/2018 19:12

I am hoping that there will be a totally innocent reason for these phone calls but it does definitely look suspicious.

blanketstitch · 30/01/2018 19:15

The problem, if there is one, is as follows.

The DH has spoken to someone for 6 hours over the last 30 days. OP has no idea who, he uses his phone for work.

Er, and that is it.

But somehow this escalated into masquerading as the third party and being encouraged to send texts, even ring the third party.

I don't understand it. It could just be a job.

blanketstitch · 30/01/2018 19:16

Rosesarebest What is suspicious about speaking to the office or whoever for just over 10 minutes a day? Nothing.

OP doesn't know who the person is. Doesn't even know if they are the woman associated with the phone number. Doesn't know if they are a client or a colleague or anything.

But the first conclusion was to start conning the DH.

It's all very odd.

TheBrilliantMistake · 30/01/2018 19:17

I don't think you can predict the ages of two people who might embark on an affair. If the national figures that 50% of people are unfaithful at least once during their marriage, then the changes are a few of those were across a reasonable age gap.

But still, that's digressing.
As someone else pointed out, if a man 'suspected' you of having an affair, and then went through your personal items / phone / impersonation a potential lover etc, it would be deemed are hugely controlling / domineering and untrusting.

I can sympathise with the OP, but I think all that can really be done is be open and honest with him about what happened, and it's upset you. Or rather 'the thought that if anything like that ever DID happen' is already tearing you up inside.

As things stand right now, he's innocent until proven guilty. If he does turn out to be innocent, or you never establish either way, then you're going to have a problem - because once you start snooping, you'll struggle to stop.

blanketstitch · 30/01/2018 19:18

For those that haven't read the thread, the "hours" in the OP is wrong. It's minutes. The OP made a mistake.

TheBrilliantMistake · 30/01/2018 19:18

*correction... 33% of partners.

blanketstitch · 30/01/2018 19:22

I just can't help thinking that it is perfectly possible that some poor bloke working away from home has had his calls interfered with just because his wife saw a lot of traffic to one number... and she immediately decided he was shagging someone in Dumfries?

Who does that?

(Jump to the conclusion, not the shagging.)

It's not normal. It's a phone he uses for work. And he asks her to top it up. It's probably this months' job.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 30/01/2018 19:23

Any chance he WhatsApp's her, OP?

The app tells you when a number has changed; which might make him suspicious.

Rinoachicken · 30/01/2018 19:23

*The problem, if there is one, is as follows.

The DH has spoken to someone for 6 hours over the last 30 days. OP has no idea who, he uses his phone for work.

Er, and that is it.

But somehow this escalated into masquerading as the third party and being encouraged to send texts, even ring the third party.

I don't understand it. It could just be a job.*

^this^

Where this all unravels is when she texts him first, he says oh you changed your phone? She says no and then it’s all going to come out that the OP meddled with his phone.

And it could be perfectly legit!!

Just TALK to him first. His face will tell you all you need to know.

Rosesarebest · 30/01/2018 19:25

blanketstitch The Op has found out that the number belongs to a 54 year old woman living in Dumfries. She has also found out that her Dh is staying very close to there and it is no-where near any of the jobs he is working on.
These details are a bit suspicious not just the 10 mins of calls every day.
I really hope there is an innocent explanation though!

blanketstitch · 30/01/2018 19:28

Rosesarebest LOL! No she hasn't! She has not confirmed where he is staying.

The number is associated with a FB page. So? Customers and bosses have FB pages.

blanketstitch · 30/01/2018 19:31

What I'm saying is a 54 woman in Dumfries could be a client, a boss, the wife of someone who has the phone number and the DH needs to talk to a lot for work.

My DH spend HOURS on the phone every day. Sometimes an hour to the same person. He has conference calls and one to ones that take up that amount of time.

blanketstitch · 30/01/2018 19:33

And just because THIS MONTH (no one knows anything about previous months) the DH spoke a lot to one person, his phone gets hacked.

That says more about the OP and the posters on here who encouraged her, than it does about anything else. It is a phone he uses for work and asks his wife to top up. Ph yes, the all the hallmarks of a serial cheat!

blanketstitch · 30/01/2018 19:35

Read the phrase:
"Now he does use his phone a lot if he has to speak to clients and there are some clients he calls regularly but looking at the other calls, none of them are more than 10 hours across the whole month."

The so called suspicious one isn't more than 10 hours across the whole month either. It's 6 hours. The OP made a mistake and put hours instead of minutes. But people are still goading her to read more into it.

It's bloody ridiculous.

TheBrilliantMistake · 30/01/2018 19:35

If he's that close to her, why's he phoning her instead of meeting her?

blanketstitch · 30/01/2018 19:35

Rant over.

juddyrockingcloggs · 30/01/2018 19:38

Just adding my 2 pence worth.

I work for a building company, a busy national one. The blokes in my office are often on the phone for hours each day, often with the same client - they also send text messages off to these clients many containing picture messages of sites/constructions/works they are dealing here with.

So do I. If my husband checked my phone he would see that this month Iv probably sent over 50 MMS, probably received a lot too and spent about 6 hours on the phone to one client.

The thing is some customers are different to others - some want as quick a conversation as possible, one or two want to know the insides and outsides of a cats arse and ring, message and email numerous times per day. Perhaps this woman is one of those. I hope she is OP, what you've written just doesn't seem to be screaming 'affair' to me.

clownfaces · 30/01/2018 19:41

Well said blanketstitch

OP do you have any other reason to be suspicious of his behaviour, before the phone business?