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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH has hours of calls logged to a number I don't recognise

999 replies

livingontheedgeee · 29/01/2018 18:22

So, we use a phone provider where you pay for a monthly contract then need to add credit for things like calling overseas, dialling non-standard numbers etc. Normally DH and I keep £10 extra credit on just in case.
Last night, DH ran me as he's working away and asked me to top it up for him (he's completely technophobic).Normally I'd just log into the app on my phone but I was sitting at the computer at the time so I logged onto his online phone account to do it from there.

Right there, on the front page, it gave the top 5 numbers he calls with the number of hours associated with each number. One number he'd spoken to for 364 hours over the course of a month! Checking further (of course) he'd also sent 13 MMS to the same number meaning he's sending picture messages too.

Now he does use his phone a lot if he has to speak to clients and there are some clients he calls regularly but looking at the other calls, none of them are more than 10 hours across the whole month.

So, I went to his phone contacts list and lo and behold, here's the number assigned to some woman who I've never heard of.

I want to confront him but neither do I want to look stupid. He's never given me any reason to think he's messing about. Except perhaps he doesn't call me every day like he used to. Sometimes he goes two or three days without a call. This is the only change in his behaviour but thought it was on the back of me saying he needn't feel obliged to call every night.

Question is, do I call this number? Or do I ask him outright? Do I let it ride and see if he continues to call her?

OP posts:
bebealpha · 30/01/2018 12:48

I hope this is innocent op. Hopefully you will get some news soon.

Branleuse · 30/01/2018 12:48

good plan.

Mycatisahacker · 30/01/2018 12:49

See I would have just asked him because if it’s innocent and she’s a client etc this could make him look very unprofessional and you won’t appear good either?

Totally getting why you did it but slightly worried for you op.

Emmasmum2013 · 30/01/2018 12:52

OP what are you going to do if the message from your DH comes through and its ambiguous like something like "I'll have a look later" or something? Are you going to reply from your work phone and try to string him along?

toastedbeagle · 30/01/2018 12:52

That's clever OP

MacNcheese87 · 30/01/2018 12:53

What about if she texts him first?

TandemBanana · 30/01/2018 12:53

Be careful OP - if it is innocent you are potentially creating a real mess for yourself here.

TandemBanana · 30/01/2018 12:54

What about if she texts him first?

mumpoints · 30/01/2018 12:54

If she rings him first what happens?

mumpoints · 30/01/2018 12:54

x post

expatinspain · 30/01/2018 12:54

If it's innocent and he finds out you've done this, I think your relationship will be in trouble.

Mycatisahacker · 30/01/2018 12:55

Agree Tandem I think it’s the wrong advice op.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 30/01/2018 12:56

I'm sorry OP Thanks

It doesn't look good; but don't get too frantic. If you put any of our work numbers into Facebook, you get my profile - and nothing other than work happens; but it's just the way my role works that this has to be the case. You could be working with anyone; from the call centre to hundreds of sales staff or ops guys; and you'd still find me.

That's probably a bit niche and it probably won't be the case here; but it's not necessarily the end yet.

Emmasmum2013 · 30/01/2018 12:57

If she texts him first it'll come up as a text from an unknown number.

I think you should just ask him OP.

Sppapp · 30/01/2018 12:58

Can you block her real number?

notapizzaeater · 30/01/2018 12:58

Can you see when he normally texts / rings ?

Blackteadrinker77 · 30/01/2018 12:59

I don't think that will work as she might ring or text him.

DaftAsABrushi · 30/01/2018 12:59

Yes, I was going to say too that if she texts first it will make things obvious. Be careful.

SharonMott · 30/01/2018 13:00

Nah! I think with the evidence the OP has she is justified in doing this TBH. If it's innocent, great but the pattern and money spent would have any normal person thinking creatively. I don't think this would look so bad on the OP if it turned out all he was doing was building her a barn conversion.

Secretlifeofme · 30/01/2018 13:00

I think you should change it back op. This could lead to lots of trouble if she texts him first.

FluffyWhiteTowels · 30/01/2018 13:00

It’s a risk admittedly if she tries to contact him first.

But it’s pure genius. I’d never have thought of that. Excellent.

purplelass · 30/01/2018 13:01

Anyone saying 'just ask him' - I'm assuming you haven't been through this yourselves? OP will be desperate for proof of her suspicions before taking any action as she won't want to damage the relationship if he isn't up to no good.
Also, they will deny it and make you feel like you're losing the plot if you confront them. Even when I had a hotel booking for a 'romantic break for 2' with parking for 2 vehicles on a weekend I was away elsewhere in my hand my ExDH swore that nothing was going on!

Mycatisahacker · 30/01/2018 13:01

can you block her number

What if she is an important client? This isn’t a teenage game

mindutopia · 30/01/2018 13:02

Just thinking, if this was a business contact, it would be unlikely that her work number is also the number associated with her Facebook. My dh is self employed and does deal directly with the public, so it would be the norm to call clients on their personal mobiles. But does he work in the sort of industry where he is dealing more with individuals or with big clients (where he wouldn't be ringing someone on their personal mobile at home)? I know for me, my number on Facebook is my personal number, but no one with work would ever ring me there.

Also, you said, she's 54. Does that age make sense? Is your dh older? If he's in his 30s, it seems more likely this all has an innocent explanation, but I know it's an awful lot of contact for a business relationship. I'm pretty sure the only person my dh would be texting that much is his business partner. He doesn't really even text me that much!

Hope you get some answers soon and hope it's the ones you're hoping for.

Usernumbers1234 · 30/01/2018 13:04

Getting some poor advice in here OP, and I think you should reverse the phone number amend before you put yourself in a difficult position and possibly cause him a lot of problems over something innocent and explainable.

That’s not to say he must be innocent, but this isn’t the way to go about it. Just be honest, the info you’ve come across innocently (ie without snooping) is worth asking the question about and if he’s reasonable he will understand why you’ve asked just say “hey, I’m probably being daft, but who’s the number that keeps coming up on the phone bill? Is it a client, I only ask because I’ve heard about SIM cloning and we might be paying someone else’s bill”

You’ll be able to tell by his response if it’s worthy of further investigation and take it from there.

This changing numbers nonsense is unlikely to reveal anything other than make you look very bad if you are wrong.