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DH has hours of calls logged to a number I don't recognise

999 replies

livingontheedgeee · 29/01/2018 18:22

So, we use a phone provider where you pay for a monthly contract then need to add credit for things like calling overseas, dialling non-standard numbers etc. Normally DH and I keep £10 extra credit on just in case.
Last night, DH ran me as he's working away and asked me to top it up for him (he's completely technophobic).Normally I'd just log into the app on my phone but I was sitting at the computer at the time so I logged onto his online phone account to do it from there.

Right there, on the front page, it gave the top 5 numbers he calls with the number of hours associated with each number. One number he'd spoken to for 364 hours over the course of a month! Checking further (of course) he'd also sent 13 MMS to the same number meaning he's sending picture messages too.

Now he does use his phone a lot if he has to speak to clients and there are some clients he calls regularly but looking at the other calls, none of them are more than 10 hours across the whole month.

So, I went to his phone contacts list and lo and behold, here's the number assigned to some woman who I've never heard of.

I want to confront him but neither do I want to look stupid. He's never given me any reason to think he's messing about. Except perhaps he doesn't call me every day like he used to. Sometimes he goes two or three days without a call. This is the only change in his behaviour but thought it was on the back of me saying he needn't feel obliged to call every night.

Question is, do I call this number? Or do I ask him outright? Do I let it ride and see if he continues to call her?

OP posts:
twohandstwokids · 30/01/2018 10:20

Can you travel to where he is and just kinda "turn up"?

sportyfool · 30/01/2018 10:20

Good luck op

Saffronwblue · 30/01/2018 10:23

OP I really hope there is a plausible and innocent explanation for this, but I fear there is something going on. Hope you have real life support.

MyOtherProfile · 30/01/2018 10:24

So sorry OP. It's hard to imagine an innocent explanation.

StormTreader · 30/01/2018 10:25

Text messages get converted to MMS if they go over a certain number of characters, MMS messages dont HAVE to be picture messages. Its a lot of characters though, and 13 times in a month plus all the other messages? He must be sending her his novel to proofread.

meredintofpandiculation · 30/01/2018 10:27

Text messages get converted to MMS if they go over a certain number of characters, MMS messages dont HAVE to be picture messages. Its a lot of characters though, and 13 times in a month plus all the other messages? He must be sending her his novel to proofread. Mine don't, they just get converted to 2 text messages, or 3 text messages. But some phones convert any message containing emojis into an MMS

StormTreader · 30/01/2018 10:29

Mine don't, they just get converted to 2 text messages, or 3 text messages.

Mine get converted to three, but if you then go over that, they go to MMS.

OutToGetYou · 30/01/2018 10:35

Change the number associated with her name to your number, don't answer if he calls but see what he texts? He won't notice the number is different. Or, if it won't accept it due to your number already being in the address book, put a friend's number (obviously tell them and make it a friend whose number he doesn't have).

MacNcheese87 · 30/01/2018 10:37

I don't think you should delete her number AND drop it into conversation about the other woman. He may assume he's deleted it by accident but may put two and two together if you suddenly mention someone else having all these calls and texts to OW. Technophobe doesn't mean silly.

Do you have access to any social media accounts? Bank statements? Any receipts laying around? Anything to dig deeper.

I'm so sorry you are living this right now. It does look very suspicious but you really need to get all the information before he realises otherwise he could hide everything/come up with excuses.

ArsenalsPlayingAtHome · 30/01/2018 10:39
Flowers

*@ OutToGetYou I wouldn't go changing numbers personally - if he is up to something, that will alert him, even if he is a technophobe. It will ring alarm bells & catch him off guard. He'll contact the woman (by fb, however) & they'll both realise that you're on to it & delete any evidence.

Rikalaily · 30/01/2018 10:40

Emojis get converted to MMS on mine, I have a contract phone through Virgin media. Also texts that go over a single message legnth convert to MMS too. MMS messages are charged in addition to my contract price at 40p each I think.

Can you access his previous call logs to see how long these long calls and frequents texts have been going on?

trulybadlydeeply · 30/01/2018 10:43

Sorry OP, it doesn't sound good, does it? Whilst I appreciate you can't "sit" on this information for long, take time to think about what you are going to do, and the possible outcomes. Do you have DC? If so, how old?

If this does turn out to be an affair, what might you want to happen? I'm sure many of us will be shouting LTB, but obviously any decisions are yours alone.

I also agree with others that if he isn't too far away, I would be tempted to go up there and watch what he's up to (even rent a car...)

Take care OP.

bigtissue · 30/01/2018 10:43

Keep a cool head and don't show your hand yet, OP. I know it's vv hard, but you must do more digging.

Like pp I think they will be WhatsApping and you need to see these messages before you confront him. If OH can sow any doubt he will and that then would give him the chance to deny, erase evidence and you will be worse off.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 30/01/2018 10:44

Do you know anyone in the area that could do a drive by to see if he’s staying there (although I suppose you don’t have her address).

How many months worth of calls/texts can you see? Are you able to pin point when it started? As you can then think back and see if anything changed around that time.

Are you in a position to go with him next time he says he’s in the vicinity of the area? Maybe spring it on him last minute to see what his reaction is

bluesouper · 30/01/2018 10:44

Does he have an iPhone, OP? Could you use find my iPhone to see where he stays when he's away?
Also on iPhone it's easy to find out his most recent locations

So sorry you're going through this.

eddielizzard · 30/01/2018 10:46

well done for keeping your head. staying calm is going to get you much further than having it out with him.

i like the casual mention of your friend idea. the longer you can wait, the more info you'll be able to find out and the stronger your position will be.

finally try not to jump to conclusions. maybe it's a long lost half sister he only found out about recently and wants to tell you face to face. who knows?

sorry you're going through this.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 30/01/2018 10:46

Agree with not showing your hand yet. Gather as much evidence as poss. Sorry you are going through this, agree it doesn't look good but am keeping my fingers crossed for an innocent answer to all this.

mumsy1014 · 30/01/2018 10:48

Really hope it's a very big misunderstanding. I think your playing it very well at the minute.

Emmasmum2013 · 30/01/2018 10:54

You can track locations on google as well.
If you're logged into google chrome on your device you can track your location from anywhere.
Just open chrome on any PC or phone and log into his google account and then type My Location History in the address bar. If its set to track your location (which by default it is) you can see where he's been.

Chimpfield · 30/01/2018 11:03

Thinking of you c

Sppapp · 30/01/2018 11:05

Just open chrome on any PC or phone and log into his google account and then type My Location History in the address bar. If its set to track your location (which by default it is) you can see where he's been.

This works for any browser if he has a gmail account. Any google searches he has done whilst logged in to gmail will be logged. Log into his gmail and go to 'My Account'.

MrsDoubtfire2 · 30/01/2018 11:09

Dear OP, sorry to read this. I’ve been in this position and it wasn’t innocent. I hope this turns out to be innocent for you. My advice would be, keep a level head, gather all the information you can before you speak to him. Be careful who you talk to, if he is having an affair friends can be very judgemental about the decisions you make and putting their values on you is the last thing you need. Take care of yourself and I hope things work out for you.

Pancakeflipper · 30/01/2018 11:10

Sending you support and strength to keep calm whilst dealing with practical crap.

Really feel for you. It's utterly horrid to face the fact the one you love and share a life with is living a different life.

Take care of you.

FizzyGreenWater · 30/01/2018 11:13

I have a friend of a friend whose husband works away for weeks at a time. All the signs are that he is living a double-life when he's away from home and it's something DH and I have discussed. I'm going to initiate a conversation with him along the lines of she's found out he's speaking to an unknown woman for hours and has hundreds of texts logged to the number etc. etc. and see what kind of reaction I get from him.

I think it's likely that this will be the blow up point - fine, but be sure you've got all access to accounts and things like that sewn up first. Ask yourself, is there anything he will be able to DO remotely which might affect you, such as moving money? If so - pre-empt. And do NOT ever, ever think 'Oh he wouldn't do that'.

purplelass · 30/01/2018 11:14

I remember this feeling so well... the heart wrenching, sickening feeling where you're fighting with yourself wanting to believe the best and worst of someone you thought you could trust.

Hope for the best, and prepare for the worst. We're all thinking of you... Flowers

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