Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like I'll never be enough?

158 replies

lovelystar · 28/01/2018 18:03

We hadn't been together long when I fell pregnant but my boyfriend convinced me it was what he wanted and we could make it work together and we'd be a happy family. So I stayed with him, miles away from my family and spent alot of time and money making up a home for us and getting everything ready. Now 4 weeks away from our little boy arriving and all he does is get angry and depressed that he can never see his friends anymore or 'smoke' with them and is miserable everytime he is with me, even described it as a 'ticking time bomb'. I understand it's hard to adjust and he may be freaking out but I gave him an out so many times and so many opportunities to back out without any blame from me. Now he's left it so late when I've moved all my belongings/furniture/baby items to where he is and made up a nursery and completely redecorsted a flat for us. We have the perfect family set up and I am more than ready to start our life as a family together but now I know it's not what he wants I'm struggling to look foward to it. I've given him everything, every part of me and all my effort but whenever I suggest moving back with my family where I have the support and love he says I'm being selfish and all women want to do is take babies away from their dads. He doesn't love me and only stays because he wants to see the baby and is scared I'll take him away. I would never stop him seeing his son and would never try and turn him against his dad either.

Sorry I know this is long but I just needed somewhere to vent because I feel completely hopeless and whatever I do I will never be enough or be enough to make him happy. I've poured every part of my life and soul into making this work and I do love him but now I know he's miserable I can't feel satisfied or fulfilled. I just wish he'd have let me know this isn't what he wants when I had time to make other arrangements. I'm stuck in a loveless relationship and can't get out. I'll never be enough whatever I do and it hurts :( how do I fix this.

OP posts:
TooManyPaws · 31/01/2018 01:10

Definitely pay it to the housing association and get your name taken off the tenancy. You really don't want to be involved when he is either evicted or abandons the tenancy because he's pissed or smoked all the rent money away. Keep your name as a good tenant in case you are back in the area - for your job perhaps - and want another tenancy. Don't tell him you are going but give the housing association a date to end the tenancy.

Good luck. Life will be much easier without him and you can enjoy your baby without having to worry about him and what he's doing.

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 31/01/2018 08:13

Let us know when you're safely with your mum. You're doing the right thing, and I don't think you'll regret it.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 31/01/2018 11:49

Very glad you have spoken to your Mum. Good luck with the next couple of days - let us know when you are safe at your Mum's and good luck with the birth! I know this isn't what you had planned but the most important thing is that you and baby are happy and healthy. He can make his own decisions about how much involvement he has. You are doing the right thing.

Original poster
lovelystar · 01/02/2018 03:15

This is how sad my life is that I can only post on here. Gone into early labour starting a few hours ago, his phone is switched off, message his friend to ask him to come home so he did but apparently he's asleep and doesn't want to wake up to come back. So I said ok I'll take myself up to the hospital soon to be safe and his friend has to offer me taxi money as he can't/won't even get up. This is all from someone who acts so desperate to be close to their child...

OP posts:
BulletFox · 01/02/2018 06:09

Forget about him right now, most important thing is you and baby.

Are you at hospital?

babyccinoo · 01/02/2018 06:24

Oh OP :(

Have you called your mum? I hope she is with you.

I hope everything goes well lovey

TheRealCurlySue · 01/02/2018 07:26

OP first of all good luck! I hope everything goes well and soon you will be holding your beautiful baby in your arms. I hope you have someone with you to support you.

Secondly this man child has done you a big favour tonight (although it doesn't seem like it yet) he has proved he can't be bothered to step up for you or your baby so go back to your mums with your head held high, you and your baby both deserve better than this. X

Fishface77 · 01/02/2018 07:33

Have your baby, go to your mums and don’t put him on the birth certificate

Kahlua4me · 01/02/2018 16:54

Good luck, I hope all goes well with your labour and you will soon be cuddling your gorgeous new baby.

He has shown his true colours now which hopefully will give you the strength to move on with your life without him.

Have you rung your mum?

MatildaTheCat · 01/02/2018 17:02

Whatever happens go straight back to your mums as soon as possible. Can you arrange for someone else to go back to collect all your belongings?

Hope all is well and please stop bothering to contact him at all. It’s over. Focus on you and your baby and only allow him baby contact when you are strong enough.

Italiangreyhound · 01/02/2018 17:07

"Have your baby, go to your mums and don’t put him on the birth certificate"

This

becotide · 01/02/2018 17:34

Don't ever go back to that flat.

OP where in the country are you? I might be close enough to be some practical help

FreshStartToday · 01/02/2018 17:38

Sending you very positive vibes for the next few hours. You will soon have your precious baby to curl up with - and no, you are not alone. The host of MN is right in there with you, holding your hand over the next few hours/days as you give birth.

Best of luck

Hofty · 01/02/2018 19:02

Good luck love Flowers

Lovelilies · 01/02/2018 20:58

Good luck OP. Please get shot of the arse. You and your DS deserve much more than this x

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 02/02/2018 11:05

Any news, OP? Hope you and baby are both well.

QuiteLikely5 · 02/02/2018 11:11

If you were my daughter I’d want you back home not suffering as you are

Italiangreyhound · 02/02/2018 11:56

How is it going?

Almostthere15 · 02/02/2018 12:13

I hope you're ok OP and snuggling your new born, or soon will be. Please don't return to that flat. When you're discharged go home to your mum, she wants you there. All the things he's saying about you not being safe, how can he help with bathing etc when he's stoned. All baby really needs is a moses basket/somewhere to sleep and some clothes right now so all the other stuff can wait.

When/if he's ready he can step up. But right now it's about you and your baby.

I hope you're ok x x

Notevilstepmother · 02/02/2018 13:11
Flowers

He probably meant it in his heart when he wanted to make it work as a family, but his actions don’t match his words. No one can blame you for trying to do the right thing and move in together, but it clearly isn’t working, you’ve given him everything and he hasn’t given it back.

Let your family support you, and let him see the baby, maybe in a few years time you will be able to see him as a friend and a co-parent, if he gets his act together, if not then you know you tried.

Go back to your mum xx

Geronimoleapinglizards · 02/02/2018 18:37

You said there are lovely bits to him. There always are with these men, otherwise you wouldn't be with him would you?

I bet your mum will only be incredibly relieved and proud when you get yourself out of this. Life is so short. You and your precious baby don't deserve to be treated badly. Yes it will be hard leaving but you sound very switched on. You know what you have to do, it's just taking a foot in front of the other and doing it.

I hope labour goes well

AHungryMum · 02/02/2018 18:55

Not read the full thread, but based on your initial post here's my thoughts -

He is not behaving supportively right now and you've done nothing wrong. You really don't need the extra stress and pressure right now and it's heartbreaking that you are having to deal with this when you should be allowed to just enjoy the excitement of awaiting your baby's arrival. And he should be excited too at this stage - he's had long enough to get used to the idea after all!

I would avoid subjecting yourself to any unnecessary upheaval so close to the birth though, especially changing hospitals etc. It may yet turn out to be last minute nerves and once the baby is here and he sees what he's got and what he stands to lose if he drives you away, it may be the wake up call you need and he may step up. If he doesn't though, I would seriously say going back to your family is your best bet. But I wouldn't burn my bridges just yet.

I hope whatever you end up doing that it all works out for the best and that you have a good support network of friends, other expectant Mum's etc where you are now. I hope you aren't having to deal with all this on your own. Please don't let it ruin your pregnancy for you, this should be an exciting time for you and it would be terrible if in the future you looked back and regretted the fact that you weren't able to enjoy the excitement and anticipation of your baby arriving.

Xxxxxx

AHungryMum · 02/02/2018 19:02

Okay I really should have read the full thread - have gone back and read more of it now - and can see that my "wait and see how it goes when the baby gets here" suggestion is really NOT an option!

I can't really add anything useful at this stage other than to wish you good luck for your birth and say I'm glad that you've got a good strong supportive family. Remember you are not alone.

I hope this doesn't sound patronising but you sound like you're being incredibly strong and brave. You're going to be an ace Mummy. Xxxxxx

LadyMarmyLard · 02/02/2018 19:11

Thinking of you OP. Hope you and baby are doing okay xx

becotide · 02/02/2018 19:44

I'm still thinking of you

Swipe left for the next trending thread