No way are we still together.
When Ds1 was born he got so much better - for about 3 months. They he quit his job for reasons he never did explain. I had to go back to work, and would come home to find my baby dirty and my flat a mess. So I would have to set about cleaning everything all over again. He would accuse me of wanting to go out and meet men - once had a screaming tantrum when he could hear a man's voice on my phone (my brother). He insisted on being in charge of the rent and council tax rather than giving me the money to pay the bills.
He did not pay his share of the bills, whether he was working or not. We were nearly evicted THREE TIMES. I once had to get a payday loan to clear our rent arrears (hidden from me until we were 10 weeks in arrears and the housing officer from the council came to our doorstep). Another time, it ruined Christmas and kind Mumsnetters sent me and my children a care package because otherwise they'd have received nothing at all.
We split after I had Ds2 but I had decided when I was pregnant with him. I lost weight while I was pregnant because I was both clinically depressed, and malnourished due to feeding my dinner to my toddler. Ds2 was born 3 oz lighter than ds1 - very unusual. Obviously my ex would order me to eat more, as I was making him look bad, but he didn't actually provide any money to the household for food, so...
When the last straw came, it was him getting arrested (again) this time for unpaid court fines.
My dad was a policeman and his colleaugues had had to arrest my partner. I was so very deeply ashamed. When he came back from the court jail, I ordered him out and he thumped me- it certainly wasn't the first time, but it was the first time he did it in front of the children. I had to drag my sons into the kitchen and lie against the door while I called the police and I'll never forget their crying and confusion while I tried to comfort them through my own sobs.
The police came and took him away.
And since the, (then being february 2007) he's hovered between being an ok father sometimes as long as it doesn't cost him anything, and being a complete and utter shit. He does not pay maintenance. He sees ds2 for 6 hours once a week. Ds1 does not see him. Ds1 has a tattoo on his hand from when he was seven and exp left him with a man who dot-tattooed him with a dirty needle - I had to take my 7 year old little boy for an HIV and HEP ABC screening. Exp has a girlfriend who set up catalogues in my name and stole £1500 from me in this manner - she was arrested and charged. He knew about this. He threatened Ds2 with "taking mummy to court and sending her to prison if she doesn't let you come round more"
All this from a gentle, soft spoken man I met in a club when I was 20 ...
Maybe he was a genuinely ok person at 27, and just didn't rise to the challanges of parenthood. Maybe he was always a complete shit and hid it well because I wanted to believe good things about people I loved.
But I know, I KNOW that if I had been strong enough to leave when I was pregnant with Ds1, we'd have not had all this drama.