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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She's stolen my wedding...

339 replies

daftpink · 27/01/2018 18:07

I feel really angry with my BF right now and can't decide if I'm being unreasonable or not...

I am getting married in June - we're having a 'wedding weekend' and have hired a lovely large house & guest cottages with an indoor swimming pool, games room etc from the Friday to Monday for our 25 guests.

We have organised a meal on the Friday night, a BBQ Party for the Saturday after the registry office and then a chilled out pool party on the Sunday.

My BF also has her wedding planned for September - a more formal church affair with sit down dinner etc.

Only now, BF has announced that the wedding plans have changed as she is 8 weeks pregnant....and that she has just booked the same house and is planning to invite close family and friends to join them for a relaxing weekend away to celebrate their wedding - 5 weeks before my wedding!

Our friendship group is the same, so other than family, we will have the same guests.

Basically, now her wedding will be almost the same as mine, but as hers is first, I'm the one that will look like I copied her!

Aibu to be absolutely livid that she's done this to me?

OP posts:
BlackberryandNettle · 27/01/2018 20:00

Oh my god how inconsiderate and of her. But you have your invitations out already, so overlapping people will know that she has blatantly booked the same venue. Make sure you mention it to those people in a Hmm way and that you came with you to see venue for yours, they'll be thinking it's pretty weird too.

Don't disclose anything else about your wedding to them at all, just quietly work on getting it Has she sent out her invitations yet? What did she have booked before? I'mguessing they must have cut down their guest list quite drastically..... v weird

I wonder if you could ask the venue not to discuss yours either and tell them the situation? May come across as petty though so depends on your relationship with them.

BlackberryandNettle · 27/01/2018 20:01

Has she actually booked yet? If not, quickly book Amy likely wknd in the run up to yours for just a cottage for you and fiance...

ChasedByBees · 27/01/2018 20:04

I like the idea of declining hers to keep the venue ‘new’ to you.

Make your wedding amazing - I’m not normally competitive but this would annoy me so much.

Tringley · 27/01/2018 20:05

Show her this thread. Point out how close to unanimous it is that she's a nasty cow and tell her that while she might not see the big deal most other people do and odds are all of your mutual friends will feel the same.

Tistheseason17 · 27/01/2018 20:09

Another option is to take notes and make yours 50 times better! Grin

ittakes2 · 27/01/2018 20:10

Wow!!! Who does that!! What an awful person. I am so sorry. If I was you - I would go one by one to all your joint friends and get their opinion on whether you are being unreasonable or not about being upset by this. Of course you are NOT being unreasonable, but it would be helpful for you if all your mutual friends have a think about whether they think this other friend is being a CF or not. Unfortunately, I’m sure your friends will feel the need to take sides and you are best to give them a chance to have a one on one discussion with you before they do this! They may all side with you and someone might feel obliged to suggest to this other ‘friend’ what she is doing is very uncool!!!

EmpireVille · 27/01/2018 20:11

The OP doesn't seem very invested in her thread does she?

bettytaghetti · 27/01/2018 20:14

Unbelievably shitty behaviour on the part of your friend. Whilst your guests-in-common will know that she has copied you, nothing will alter the fact that when they attend your wedding they will have the feeling of 'been there, got the t-shirt'.
Hopefully your friends will recognise what she has done to you and will help you to treat her wedding as YOUR wedding rehearsal!
I think you will have to be the bigger person and go, so that your friends don't think badly of you, but I would be re-evaluating my friendship with her in the future if I were you.
So sorry OP.

Giraffesarequitetall · 27/01/2018 20:16

Actually getting a mutual friend to have a word would possibly be a good idea. She clearly doesn’t realise how out of order her idea is.

babyccinoo · 27/01/2018 20:18

Ugh what a cow! Ditch her

Stiddleficks · 27/01/2018 20:19

Unless money isn’t an issue in your circle of friends I would imagine some would not be able to make it to hers. I would imagine it’s going to incur some expense for your guests to stay for a weekend and I wouldn’t be able to afford to do it twice in a short space of time. I would only accept your invite as I had received it first.
I would also be that friend that would ask her why she is doing the same as you and tell her it’s not a good idea at all.

CircleofWillis · 27/01/2018 20:20

OP I would book the registry office for just before her ceremony and then secretly use her wedding as your own.

Cancel your own wedding and put your parents up in a local hotel for that weekend. That way you will have your wedding exactly as you planned it at no cost to yourself.

Turns you CF friend to the most generous friend EVER!!!

ThePinkOcelot · 27/01/2018 20:20

I’m normally of the, you don’t own a name, wedding etc. However, I think this is awful! What a bitch.

HeckyPeck · 27/01/2018 20:21

I imagine everyone going will think she's a weirdo for copying you and worse for doing it just weeks before you.

I agree if there's a mutual friend who could speak to her, try that.

Or book the hen do for that weekend before she can get her invites out!

HeckyPeck · 27/01/2018 20:22

Or what's circleofwillis suggested Grin

londonista · 27/01/2018 20:22

Wow I think that's really out of order.
Sorry OP, not sure what you can do.
If it helps, I agree with a PP that people will know and also think it's a twattish thing to do. And lazy.

monkeywithacowface · 27/01/2018 20:24

I think it's pretty shitty and would decline the invitation to her wedding. At least that way your weekend won't feel like a repeat to you. As a guest I'd have a great time attending twice as it sounds like a fab wedding but I can imagine as the bride doing the same thing a few weeks before it would really take the shine off your own wedding.

PercyPigAddict · 27/01/2018 20:28

I can see that she might have done it in a panic, with the time pressure of a pregnancy she might be thinking she needs to book something quickly, and you have such good taste she thinks "Right, that's a lovely restaurant, and then chilling by the pool, yeah, great wedding plan."

BUT the fact she thinks you're overreacting... and has copied everything down to the last detail, tells you that she is not a friend. As you don't want to change your plans I think the only thing you can do is talk in hushed tones to your friends about how weird it is that she's copied your wedding, and then once you've seen her trial run Wink make sure your decorations, food, menu etc are better as different as possible.

BakedBeans47 · 27/01/2018 20:31

Ouch. I’d be really pissed off. I know you don’t “own” wedding plans, venues yada yada but this is downright crappy of her. I’d have to say something to her x

PositivelyPERF · 27/01/2018 20:34

CircleofWillis 🤣

Foobarjar · 27/01/2018 20:39

It's something I'd be upset about too. It's not something I'd do to someone else especially my best friend. I would realise it's not ok. Does she have form for this?

If you can rise above it you'll feel better in yourself - try and enjoy your weekend. The wedding is the day though, just think of your fiancé, your marriage. That's the important bit.

If you can't let it go, maybe find another venue for yours and make it your own again.

CoraPirbright · 27/01/2018 20:47

It’s not often I wish that someone would stumble across a thread and recognise themselves but in this case, I so do!! What she has done is utterly despicable. I would def be telling all the mutual invitees what she has done - I am willing to bet not one of them is going to think it is ok. Does she have form for this?

londonista · 27/01/2018 20:51

@daftpink
Honestly I think this is one of the most CF wedding threads I've read in a while. What was she thinking?!

Italiangreyhound · 27/01/2018 20:51

I think I agree with @monkeywithacowface "...I would decline the invitation to her wedding. At least that way your weekend won't feel like a repeat to you."

But I'd get the low down from friends to make sure yours is better!

Nanny0gg · 27/01/2018 20:52

I do think you should uninvite her - after all, she'll have been there before... Hmm

But do go to hers before you do that. Then point out how yours will be soo much better and what a shame she couldn't come up with her own ideas.