She's stolen my wedding...

[daftpink]

I feel really angry with my BF right now and can't decide if I'm being unreasonable or not...

I am getting married in June - we're having a 'wedding weekend' and have hired a lovely large house & guest cottages with an indoor swimming pool, games room etc from the Friday to Monday for our 25 guests.

We have organised a meal on the Friday night, a BBQ Party for the Saturday after the registry office and then a chilled out pool party on the Sunday.

My BF also has her wedding planned for September - a more formal church affair with sit down dinner etc.

Only now, BF has announced that the wedding plans have changed as she is 8 weeks pregnant....and that she has just booked the same house and is planning to invite close family and friends to join them for a relaxing weekend away to celebrate their wedding - 5 weeks before my wedding!

Our friendship group is the same, so other than family, we will have the same guests.

Basically, now her wedding will be almost the same as mine, but as hers is first, I'm the one that will look like I copied her!

Aibu to be absolutely livid that she's done this to me?

OP, have all your guests already confirmed they will come? If so then I suspect a few of them won't be able to make her wedding. There are two bank holidays in May (I think) so I wouldn't be suprised if people can't make her weekend.

What did you say when she told you?

What did she say when you went ashen and said "how on earth can you possibly think that's ok?"

Fucking hell though 9 weddings, I'd be tempted to postpone to another year. Everyone will have wedding fatigue.

Can you have your the weekend before hers?

Then don't go to hers.

YANBU. She sounds weird, what a bizarre thing to do.

I'd come down with a nasty stomach bug on the day and be unable to attend...

Most venues are booked up, did she manage to get a cancellation.

I agree about declining her invite in a polite way explaining you want the venue to feel new and special when you get married. What's she going to do? Say to your other friends you've declined her invite because you're huffy she's chosen the same venue! The other guest will probably see it from your point of view and your friend will look bad!

I also vote for showing her this thread! She’ll soon get the message!
Congratulations on your wedding though, it sounds lovely. And at the end of the day, try to remember that THE most important thing about any wedding is that you’re marrying the right person.

That’s really crap

Wow that's pretty shocking.

I think everyone who gets her invite who is going to the other will be like

I think they won’t judge you as your invites have already gone out.

Did you invited detail the restaurant etc too?

Lots of posters saying the OP has sent her invites out.
Would you really send them in January for a June wedding ?

I'm just going to have to get over it, aren't I?

Um no, that's called being a doormat.

The world has changed so much. Before the deregulation of weddings, you went to the one local church, or for a second wedding, to the one local registry office, and then to your choice of the Lamb and Flag, the Foley Arms or the Elmsdon Country Club. Lovely now to be able to design your perfect wedding, but it has added an awful lot of stress into the process.

Holly - the op said she sent her invites out in december

She's not a friend

I suspect this isn't the first time

Bloody hell!! I would be right royally pissed off if my so-called best friend did that to me!! What a thoughtless person she must be! Either that, or she's just downright selfish and mean!

OP, tell her how upset you are and explain the reasons. If she doesn't give way, I would be seriously reconsidering the friendship, as it would appear that she doesn't give two hoots about your feelings.

I came on here expecting to think YABU but I would also be very annoyed about this.

I don't get how anyone would this this was OK!

Do a Facebook post and tag all those invited and say that you're really looking forward to spending your time with them at xxzxxx place

I suppose they will have gone out because its a tiny guestlist and a whole weekend. If you've only 20 guests you'll want to know they can definitely make it.

If I was feeling charitable I'd say the Bf is pregnant, overwhelmed, getting no end of grief from family who are insisting they get married before the baby arrives....

But I really want to know how she told the OP? She can't possibly imagine it wouldn't be an issue for you.

Holly of course you would, it isn't just a day, it is a whole weekend! Most people would need a lot of notice for a whole weekend away!

I don't think you're being unreasonable - it's quite strange of her to not even check with you first. Did she acknowledge that it's a bit awks to reciprocate your wedding?!
I know some will say, hey what's the problem but come on! Most would be peeved at this.
Try to use tact though, would be horrible to fall out completely. I understand it's not nice for you though

Could you have an early hen party OP? 😊

Holly she probably sent out them out as it's for a whole weekend and folk will appreciate plenty of time if they need to get off work.