To ask about the advantages of private school?

[longestlurkerever]

This is probably going to come across badly, but I'm interested in hearing people's opinions. I went to a middle of the road state school and then Oxford. I came away with a first class law degree and a training contract at a magic circle law firm. Although I didn't especially enjoy secondary school, I suppose I've always thought that it did the trick and my dds wouldn't lose anything if they had the same education as me. Recently though I've been working through some stuff with the help of a leadership course at work and realise that, even once you bag the job, there are an awful lot of unwritten rules that I am not sure I am fully understand - how to network effectively, how to have authority in senior meetings and just generally how to go through life feeling assured and confident and have been wondering if this is what private schooling is really all about? I still am not sure I'd choose private school for my dds even if it is, and would have to make some tough decisions to afford it anyway, but I am interested in what the benefits are so I can weigh them up.

My eldest went to private school and he's no better off than his siblings who went to state schools.

Very much depends on the state school and on the private school. My 3 are all private. For us it guarantees (vs the local state) that all the children in the class have support at home to do the homework so the teacher isn’t spending time on the same few children who are behind, all the children have parents with similar goals for their children and the same behavioural standards as I do, and none of my 5 year olds friends play call of duty.

Now you can flame me all you want but I see what happens in the local state, and I volunteer weekly in our private school so have an inside view. We are in the north of England. Depends school to school tho I’m sure.

I went to private school and am also a lawyer (but not in same league as you!) My experience was mixed. I'd like to send DS to private school if necessary but only really because there were no discipline issues there unlike in some state schools (my Mum was a state school secondary teacher).

Our DC have been at both and we’ve been delighted with both. What I’ve noticed most as a difference at private school is easier attention from being in smaller classes- you know if there’s an area they are finding hard it is easier to notice and help it. Which is especially useful in their very younger years.

This doesn’t necessarily matter for each child and our eldest said she missed being in a class of 30 as it was more fun.

I would still probably choose an excellent state school over private for secondary as I also see disadvantages in private from going through it myself - not that you asked that in this thread!
The main difference our dc notice is better food. I guess that must vary wildly though

I went to private school and didn’t leave feeling assured and confident. In fact, I was the complete opposite. It was more about it being the completely wrong school for me rather than it being private.

I was immensely talented at a certain thing and instead of going on to excel, I just fucked everything up.

You need to choose a school based on how it suits your child and their needs, not just on the basis of private V state.

This was me about two years ago, I went to a very average state school (primary and secondary) but loved my school years, I got a decent degree from a good university and although not where I would like to be now I can get there once my DC are a bit older. My DH went to private school right through to A-Levels, didn’t go to university, has a very well paid job in a senior position...he’s in his early thirties. He seems to be exceptional at interviews and holding a room. Also other things that he very rarely uses like art, sport and music (one of these people that is good at bloody everything). Whereas I have to work incredibly hard to excel in pretty much anything. I am not sure if it was the private education but most of his extended family who went to the same schools are exactly the same. He’s incredibly grateful for the opportunities his parents gave him, they really struggled to pay. I think he saw what they had to give up to provide him with his education and it just motivated (and still does) him to do well.

Mine are both in a state school. I have never heard from either of them that their friends play Call of Duty.

On the other hand, there's a private school around the corner with parents who frequently break the law and verbally abuse traffic wardens. I am quite happy to keep my children away from that sort of behaviour.

But seriously, it depends on the school. I used to live near a private school with amazing facilities and a generous bursary for local children. I would have entered my boys there in a flash. The one closest to us does not have any outdoor facilities and seems to teeter on the edge of closure. My sons go to a fantastic state school and I consider us very lucky.

Not all private schools are the same.

I do think that the top public schools tend to produce pupils who are better at the kind of things you are talking about BUT often that's because those pupils come from families who are better at those things anyway.

It isn't as easy as state vs private. It is much more refined than that; schools vs school.

I went to an excellent private school; adored my school years and left feeling it had been worth every penny.

My DD is at a Prep and it has been the best money we have ever spent., because the ethos and atmosphere of the school fit really well with our beliefs surrounding education.

Thanks for the responses. To be honest I see the lack of socioeconomic diversity as one of the main drawbacks I'd have to weigh up but I can see how there might be cases where a local school really isn't up to scratch and leads to a different set of choices

I went to normal state schools and have two first class degrees and a great scientific career in pharmaceuticals. I won't dream of sending my children to private school - in my opinion it's important to mix with children of all backgrounds and be able to support yourself through the various exams, not have your hand held in a sheltered environment at private school. Each to their own though

Firstly, not all private schools are created equally and they vary widely. However, if you choose a good and established one, I think the main differences are - higher expectations (academically and behaviourally) and less tolerance if disruptive behaviour, but above all development of "soft skills",

Like you OP, I never went to independent schools and did very well academically. However, now that I've wirmtnessed all my DC go through independent preps, I have to say there is a stark difference in the way confidence is instilled from day one in areas such as public speaking, interview skills, debating skills, how to shake people's hand /engage / make eye contact, etc, Even the most shy child at the prep my DC went to is hardly fazed by public speaking and it amazes me because so know when I was that age, the pupils in my school who had the confidence to do that kind of thing were few and far between. There were some opportunities yes, but nowhere near on the same level. This is the main difference imo.

People on here often say it's about the right school for your DC but that presupposes you even know what you're looking for in a school, which I suppose is what I'm asking/mulling. Thanks Sunday I was wondering that too. My parents were clever and valued education but I don't think they knew the rules of "the game" either.

@Temporaryanonymity I don’t know if you deliberately ignored the first line of my message or accidentally skipped over it as I said - it DEPENDS ON THE SCHOOL so obviously your local school is probably different from my local school! That doesn’t invalidate my experience tho.

I’m a tutor and often find pupils in private schools are behind those in schools.
I think partly this is because private schools don’t have to do SATS, publish data etc.
As others have said it depends entirely on the schools you are comparing though.
I do find it surprising that I have pupils that have always been private and still don’t know their tables in year 8.
Makes you wonder what parents are paying for.

*state schools sorry

Thanks 1ndigo. That's what I suspected. I think in my heart I'm where Scottish girl is, but it's good to know what you're choosing between so you can try and mitigate any drawbacks of the choice you make I guess.

I wouldn't rule out a private school for my children, but preference is a good state school. As many have already said, I like the thought of my children mixing with more varied backgrounds. I wonder if it's better for your motivation in some situations.

While I agree that often those with a private education seem confident, more often they actually come across arrogant in my experience.

I live near a really good state secondary, that is non selective, my oldest child goes there. However also near us are two failing secondaries and an ok secondary. 25% of the local school population goes to independent school. So we meet a lot of kids who attend. It seems to me it is the facilities that are on offer, the private schools here all have swimming pools and their facilities are great. The most local prep school to us meets their pupils at the door and shakes all the pupils’ hands. I think private schools give their pupils more time. Make them feel as though they matter, and this perhaps helps in confidence and possibly in their expectations of people. The opportunities to compete at sport and generally gain a more whole education, not just academic, might be something to investigate.

I went to private school, my husband went to state school. He earns 4x as much as me. I would send my kid to a decent state school any day.

Very bright son. State system coudn't cope and kept telling me they "didn't have time" to give him extra work. Went the private school route (the supposedly good one not far from us who assured us that their academic level was way above average)... and after half a term they said the same. This is when he was 6.

It's the SCHOOL, not the privateness.

Changed schools to a private that had superb provision for bright children (I could find no such state school). DS went on to have one of the best IB results in the country and is now excelling at Oxford.

I went to a state school. I see a certain inner confidence and sense of entitlement amongst many adults who went to decent private schools. I don't know if that is the result of their schooling, their social/economic family status, or a bit of both.

I was a lawyer at a magic circle law firm for 15 years. Im an ex state school pupil (save for one year at a private school).

Solely based on my experience my two 2dc go to private school. Rightly or wrongly I think I may have had more confidence in my ability (top 5% at university and law school) had I gone to a private school all the way through - which would have meant I stuck at partnership track rather than bottling it near the finish line and voluntarily opting for a non-client facing role.

Benefits are smaller class sizes, numerous extra curricular activities - sports, drama, arts, foreign languages.

I think it depends on your child- is she academic or would she benefit with good pastoral care. Match this to the state and prep schools near your area.

I get what you mean about "playing the game"-some people look more "polished".

Pressed too soon

Only 7 percent goes to independent schools yet certain professions are dominated by them - law, medicine, journalism to name a few