Leaving baby crying

[harriettehashadenough]

He's 18 mo crying in his cot now, goes down really well every night but wakes up crying looking for attention refuses milk or juice, only thing that stops him is our bed.

AIBU to just be brutal and let him cry it out cold turkey? We do CIO contact every 5 minutes usually.

He knows what he's doing

He is an 18 month old baby. Not some manipulative, evil, twisted little monster.

If you want to leave him crying - despite the fact he is probably hungry, or cold, or scared, or teething, or in pain, and you are quite happy to have this on your conscience, then knock yourself out. Leave him squealing away, and don't go find out why. Hope you can live with yourself.

Not something I would do. Ever.

He knows what he's doing yes.... which is looking for comfort with his parents. It's not malice, OP, so angry face isn't really the answer.

Up to you how much crying you can take- if you give up after a little while though, you're just reinforcing that the crying works eventually. I think you either have to do it and stick to it, or not do it at all.

Also wouldn't do it myself. 18mo still in bed with me- and still wakes up crying in the night anyway. At least he has the comfort of a cuddle when he does.

I read that as being relatively lighthearted from the OP. Isn't controlled crying or whatever it's called a 'thing?' That's the sum total of my contribution as I know nothing about this but I just wanted to comment as I don't think the OP is being evil and uncaring, just exhausted and sardonic.

Hip hop we are currently going in every five minutes ads described in my post. Calm the fuck down.

Have you tried co-sleeping? Works for us.

Oh dear. It's exhausting when they're tiny and they just won't sleep. You have my sympathy.

But he is just a little baby, and for whatever reason, he wants some comfort. He isn't trying to manipulate you. Please don't leave him to cry. Go and give him a cuddle. This sleepless phase will pass - eventually.

And yy to co-sleeping if that's something that you would consider. Saved my sanity!

Somehow I just feel I'm making it worse keep re-appearing every 5 mins, tried co sleeping but he's a very strong active vigorous baby and doesn't keep still kicks a lot, we both work FT so sleep is becoming more and more deprived

No, don't leave him crying. Go & get him & cuddle him. Let him come to your bed. I'm currently sandwiched between my 8 month old & 2 year old. I don't think they'll still be sharing my bed when they're teenagers. I have 4 older kids too & miss their cuddles as they have slept through from about age 3 on.

I couldn't leave him crying if I was you. He's not being manipulative. He's a baby & he needs comfort.

You must be exhausted OP. I know it’s frustrating, but he’s too young to “know what he’s doing” in that sense. He knows that he feels unhappy or afraid or cold or hungry and he’s crying because he needs someone to help him with those feelings. He’s honestly not manipulating you or something, he’s far too young to be able to do that.

You said he’s happy in your bed, is there any reason not to just bring him into bed so at least you all get some rest and you can think about how to help him with his sleep when you’re feeling more rested?

What about one of those cribs that attaches to the side of the bed so he's in his own 'section' but not kicking you in the guts every five minutes?

Could you take the side off his cot & put it at the side of your bed? Then he'll still be right beside you but still have his own space to thrash about?

X post with Justwondering!

Even in our bed he wakes up crying pulls hair head butts tried to climb down off the bed, no one sleeps!

I read about the next to u cribs but they were considered dangerous?

Is that not still separation anxiety time? He can’t understand neurologically if you leave him that you’re going to come back. m.kidshealth.org/en/parents/sep-anxiety.html?WT.ac=

Ooh really? How come? I thought they were a safe alternative to co-sleeping?

I'd have suggested bringing him into bed with you, which if is what I did, but having witnessed the sheer exhaustion of a colleague who has barely slept in almost four years despite having the luxury of a SAH wife, I'm not sure that's the answer.

Having said that, do whatever it takes to get through this shit maybe, and address any fallout later

Sidecar cribs are fine as long as they’re installed safely, eg no gaps for the baby to get stuck in. If he’s 18 months though he’s probably too big for next2me, Bednest, etc. Could you put his cot next to your bed instead?

My eldest two would only sleep with me and I was shattered trying to put them back because that’s what I thought I should do. With the third I put him in with me from the start. He grew out of it before I did.
I know you’re tired op but he’s a baby. He needs you.

He's too big for a bedside cot, surely?

Yes I've read all about it, just exhausted! DH in favour of cold turkeying but I can't, his crying chills me to the bone sometimes! It's hard to feel like I'm not the only one or it must be something I'm doing wrong why he won't sleep.

If I moved his cot it would have to be permanently as it's too wide to fit through the door

You're not doing anything wrong. You doing need me to tell you this, but human babies have evolved to have a cry that they mothers can't bear.

The little sods

With my son we sneak him back once his sleeping. Then give him lots of praise when he wakes in his own bed.

You have my sympathies. My son kicks around like anything when sleeping.