To think your body is the greatest thing you'll ever own and you should invest in it ?

[tiredpom]

Had an interesting conversation with a friend recently. She is overweight and has been told by her GP to lose weight. She is struggling with this, says she can't afford it and simply doesn't have the time.
I work out 6 times a week (yes I know extreme side of the spectrum) But think you should invest in your body as you'll never get another one. I eat healthily 80% of the time and 20% of the time will treat myself. Meals out, wine at weekends etc. I have been trying to help (from afar, don't live in the uk currently) but she has been really snippy with me saying it's easy for you you have the money, the weather and time. My argument is if she has the money (new car, new clothes, meals, trips out) she could prioritise some of that money for gym classes or do them online for free. (You tube) Working out in the heat is just as challenging as the cold (park run in 38 degrees anyone) and time if you have time to go to the movies, shopping malls and watch Netflix you have time to workout. I'm trying to be supportive and send her links to things I think she'd like, but every time she just blames time and money. AIBU to want to shake her and say, how can you not see you have the time and money your just not investing it in your body !!!! That it's her choice not to get better ?

🙄

You got the nail on the head - it's her choice. I think you need to back off with your advice before you lose her as a friend, tbh. You sound judgemental. And I don't think working out 6 days/week is necessarily healthy, either? Depends.on your routine probably, but you could just as easily damage joints etc.

Leave her alone. Different people have different priorities in life. There’s so much information out there, if she wants to lose the weight then she can look it up herself.

@directsunlight out of curiosity, what makes me sound judgemental ?

Are you for real? Back off, for God’s sake. What you believe about health and your body is just that, your belief. Not everybody shares your values and priorities.

You must be absolutely insufferable to talk to.

Whoa !! She has been told she needs to lose weight, by the Dr - her weight is making her sick. She asked me how I stay fit and active ? I told her what I do and her response was it's easy for you, you have the time, money and a warm climate. I don't think it is easy for me.... I think for whatever reason she doesn't want to make the change. But I don't think she can blame time or money. You invest in your career or home, why would you not invest in your body ?

'In theory' what you're saying is correct, of course, and we all know we ought to eat better, exercise more etc, of course we do ...but for the love of doughnuts, keep it inside your head! If you said all that to me, after my GP had just told me I was a lardy fat arse, I'd tell you to shut the fuck up, then block you (and then cry!!!) How insufferably rude (and pompous!) are you! If you want to support your friend, back off, apologise for being so self-righteous and leave her alone!

Considering how extremely anti-fat people this website can be I am incredibly surprised at the people defending the fat friend in the op.
Put of curiosity TiredPom did you take up the gym/healthy living etc after a period of being a fatty yourself? If so you people are the absolute worst, such a snooze.

OP your body may be a temple but pontificating and rubbing someone's nose in the fact they are overweight and probably can't stand exercise because they struggle because theyre overweight (vicious cycle, anyone?) is insensitive.

The only person qualified to say those things is the person's GP, probably best to butt out for fear of coming across as sanctimonious.

Possibly the fact you assume she is watching Netflix a lot!

It is definitely easier to work out and keep your body maintained in the heat than the cold - I know this well as have lived in a really hot country before where you didn’t have to deal with gale force winds or ice or sub-zero temperatures. Park runs at 38 degrees, provided you have plenty of water and electrolytes, are a piece of cake compared to park runs at -2.

She has a point...you need time and money to be healthy.
Gym membership is expensive and you need time.
Healthy food is expensive and takes longer to prepare.
I put on loads of weight last year working ft on a low wage.
You sound quite sanctimonious and you are both in opposite ends of spectrum.
Your bady is important but obsession with said body is also unhealthy.

Also if you have a career you gave less time to train. I out my home beforr my body for dds sake!

Op has a good point and is trying to support her friend. a lack of money and time is not a real reason not got get fit it clearly runs deeper than that but I think those deep down feelings are much much harder to face so lack of time and money are blamed. Also when you are very overweight it can seem like a huge mountain to climb to even start loosing anything but small steps make such an incredible difference not just in weight loss but in how you feel and value yourself. Perhaps suggest to your friend walking on an exercise dvd at home , I can't imagine she fancies going to the gym if she is embarrassed by her size.
It's doable for sure I do early morning walks or fitness dvd by getting up an hour early. It can be done.

This is exactly the same message that governments have been putting out for many years - eat less move more, you are what you eat, it’s your fault you’re fat - and yet obesity rates are rising.
You do sound judgemental.

I think it's important to recognise that health is a complicated issue, and weight and food and exercise isn't something that can be dealt with in a vacuum. Eating disorders, addiction, self sabotage, time, money, habits, etc etc all overlap in various ways to make what some people see as a simple choice actually quite challenging.

Why do you think the diet industry is worth billions? Why does everyone know that a gym membership in January is often gathering dust by September? Change is difficult. I read somewhere that the brain actually sees an attempt to change habits as a threat and it actively seeks to fight against it in order to keep status quo.

Well, in nutshell you’re right. But losing weight is a real struggle for so many people - including myself- as it’s often linked to stress, medication, emotional issues etc. You really have to be in a good place with all of those things and actually want to tackle it to make changes. It’s really, really difficult. But yes it probably isn’t about time or money.

I spent the last 5 years piling on the pounds after always being a size 10-12 for most of my life I’ve become a size 16-18. I have had an awful time these last few years - I had a child born with a severe disability who never slept, I was then diagnosed with a life long disease that the treatment for which was life long steroids - my weight just crept up, and yes some of that was overeating and sitting about too much. But when you’re unable to get out much because of your disabled very young child (who has autism as well so you can’t just go out places as he gets too stressed) and don’t have much family help it’s very hard. And then when the evening comes you’re too tired - if your child sleeps from 7-3 and is then up for the day you don’t feel like jumping about!

If someone has chronic health conditions themselves it makes it even more difficult.

Personally I am now making some changes. My son started complex needs school this September and I joined a gym! I am very, very unfit and really struggling to keep up with classes etc but I’m having a go and determined to keep going. But I wasn’t in a good place emotionally or life wise before now to even think about it - and before that (ie before my difficult few years) being honest it didn’t interest me!

We do have an issue with inactivity and being very overweight in the uk, it’s not being judgemental to say that, it’s the truth but I do think a lot of that is down to the very stressful long hours a lot of people work and the lack of family support and emotional distress many people seem to suffer. Our body and minds are not separate, eating is one of life’s greatest pleasures. The gym / fitness / dieting not so much ....

Op, I'm sure you are trying to help your friend but people get so upset by this topic that you just need to back right off.
My closest friend was told same by her GP, her blood pressure was v high, she was ttc and getting nowhere.
She asked me the same, I said she needed to change her diet. Didn't mention weight or exercise, was v gentle, genuinely trying to support her. She's barely spoken to me since

I think people have misinterpreted my original post therefor getting a bit of unnecessarily sharp/unreasonable responses.
So to be clear - I know that to work our 6 days is unusual and not the norm. (One day is a low key run with family - easy paced parkrun 5K, so I am not overdoing it and I'm comfortable with the amount I do) I have never said to her, LOOK you need to do what I do, nor have I said, you do have the time and money. I just get frustrated that she asked for help, she asked me for advice - I don't shove my lifestyle down her throat. However I do think she uses excuses, which I don't believe are valid (in her circumstance, not everyone's). I know its hard, of course I do. I don't always want to workout, I want to give into temptation - but I see the value in being healthy most of the time. And no I've never been "a Fatty" @TroubledTribble28 and yes I work full time (with a 2 hour commute) so you have to make it work for you, which not everyone can do @malificent7

@Froedgreen I think that depends on the individual-I've lived in a hot country too. The only reason I wasn't fat there was that I was too hot to so much aseat let alone exercise. I find everything easier in the cold. Worst case scenario you can go to the gym. In the heat I end up feeling sick all day if I do anything more strenuous than a short walk.

OP-you friend is just being lazy. Her excuses are called self handicapping-people find reasons why they will fail so they don't have to try. If I were you I would just drop it but if you really care you can send her links about how to loose weight in cold weather and little money. You will notice that a lot of British people most of whom are a bit poor and all of whom live in a cold climate are able to stay fit. It's really not a reasonable excuse.

I think if you want to keep the friendship, then keep the subject of weight loss off the menu

Oh if only it were that easy op! There is clearly a lot more to it psychologically or there wouldn't be an obesity crisis. You haven't actually said 'if you have the time for xyz then you have the time to exercise' have you?! You should back right off. She probably feels overwhelmed and got at. She'd better off making small changes if she feels like that. Walk instead of car where possible/no sugar in tea etc then build up from there.

People can only hear advice if they’re ready. If they’re not, it can come over as sanctimonious or lecturing. You’ve given her some advice. Now it’s time to back off and wait for her to come to you. In terms of diet, fitness and exercise, you’re at the opposite end of the spectrum. I’m sure like a lot of us she wants to have your body without all the effort.

Ah, if you've never been overweight then you have no idea of the psychology. It feels so easy to you because that's just how your brain works.

I think your point is very reasonable tiredpom and your friend is making excuses. If she's asked for your advice and you've told her what works for you then you shouldn't be criticised for giving her that advice. If it was unsolicited advice then obviously that would be rude. If she wants to change then she needs to bite the bullet and just do it. I really really hate exercising but force myself to do it for the sake of my health - and always feel good afterwards. I don't pay for any of the exercise I do either (I just go outside) and fit it in around work and family.