To think your body is the greatest thing you'll ever own and you should invest in it ?

[tiredpom]

Had an interesting conversation with a friend recently. She is overweight and has been told by her GP to lose weight. She is struggling with this, says she can't afford it and simply doesn't have the time.
I work out 6 times a week (yes I know extreme side of the spectrum) But think you should invest in your body as you'll never get another one. I eat healthily 80% of the time and 20% of the time will treat myself. Meals out, wine at weekends etc. I have been trying to help (from afar, don't live in the uk currently) but she has been really snippy with me saying it's easy for you you have the money, the weather and time. My argument is if she has the money (new car, new clothes, meals, trips out) she could prioritise some of that money for gym classes or do them online for free. (You tube) Working out in the heat is just as challenging as the cold (park run in 38 degrees anyone) and time if you have time to go to the movies, shopping malls and watch Netflix you have time to workout. I'm trying to be supportive and send her links to things I think she'd like, but every time she just blames time and money. AIBU to want to shake her and say, how can you not see you have the time and money your just not investing it in your body !!!! That it's her choice not to get better ?

I would suggest audible so she can walk and listen to a great book at the same time, time flies and you don't feel the aching joints.

I couldn't run for half a mile if I was paid to, she is probably the same. And gyms are not places I like (for extroverts only imv).

It's bollocks that you need time, money and a warm climate to get fit. I did it as a single parent with a toddler and a full time job living halfway up a hill in the pennines. Netflix didn't exist then though so maybe that helped

What I don't do is bang on to my friends about it because I know they wouldn't listen. I didn't until I was ready. People have to get there themselves (or not) and there is nothing you can do to influence that.

God id be annoyed too. Maybe she just doesn't want to do it, or isn't ready yet. You're probably coming across as sanctimonious to her albeit unintentional

OP your friend asked and you gave advice - great.

But you need to back off now and just leave the subject be.

It's her choice and although I may ask a 'fit' friend for advice, if they banged on about it, I'd feel too much pressure and even less inclined to stop watching Netflix.

I totally agree with you.

But, she clearly doesn't prioritise her body/health and from how you've described her isn't motivated to eat healthily and exercise which does take effort. You enjoy looking yourself, she enjoys eating, shopping and watching films/netflix.

For the sake of your friendship, if you value it, I would stop trying to help her and only offer advice if she asks for it.

I hear what you are saying but I wouldn’t send her anymore things now unless she asks you to nad bite your tongue for now. She doesn’t want to hear what you are saying at the moment. Maybe she will at some point, maybe she won’t. She needs to get her head in the right place to do it and it’s clearly not at the moment.

Re the heat I personally wouldn’t attempt a Parkrun in 38 degrees but have done one at minus 2. There are ways of losing weight very cheaply, MFP is free and works for a lot of people and walking is great and free. Some fast paced music distracts me from crap weather.

I was your friend. Being told by medical professionals to lose weight. For 6 months I fannied about. Then I took the bulls by the horns and have lost 4st 11lbs in 19 months. But I needed to be in the right mindset. I've looked on it as a lifestyle change rather than a diet and I started an exercise class which I swore I would never do.

I have a chronic health condition so it's been hard at times but I am getting there. Hopefully soon to be at target.

I think your friend just isn't in the right mindset yet.

I understand where you are coming from OP. I have a friend who needs at least one knee replacement but won't have it. She then moans because she can't do anything much, has gained so much weight and it drives me nuts. We used to go places together and walk my dogs and now I barely see her as she has asked me to push her in a wheelchair!! She can't work now and has moved back in with her Mum and it's all because someone told her a knee replacement only lasts ten years! She only ever believes the first thing she hears about a lot of things and so has refused flatly to have surgery. I get your frustration and your friend is wrong but you would be wise to see it as a subject best left alone. Getting more exercise is free and eating a third less of everything she does now is cheaper, not more expensive. Have a more superficial relationship with her is my advice or you will look like the villain of the piece.

If doctors announced they had found a drug that improved heart health, decreased risks of cancer, increased life expectancy, dramatically improved mental health, led to weight loss, improved bone health, made you look better and had no side effects then people would do anything to get their hands on it.

There is such a cure. It’s regular exercise, yet many of us just can’t motivate ourselves to do it. It’s a very odd thing.

I agree with you to an extent but you say you live in another country now? Do you know if your friend is depressed or going through any other problems?

I put on a stone and a half through depression simply because I felt exhausted all the time. I wake up exhausted! I'm now back on anti-depressants and have started eating healthy. I'm in no position to work out right now, I have plenty of time but I'm drained - emotionally and physically.

Just because you manage to work out 6 times a week it doesn't mean everyone else can. It's not as simple as having enough time'/money to make lifestyle changes.

You need to get the right motivation. I was your fat, unfit friend - and I had a heart attack last month. Aged 50.

Motivates the heck out of you.

oops, pressed send too soon..

has motivated the heck out of most of my overweight friends too...

I think your mind is more important than your body. Given the choice between a magical weight loss/get fit pill and one that would prevent me from getting dementia, I'd go for the latter every time.

And you sound very sanctimonious OP.

Think you're getting a hard time here op, think your trying to help your friend. But you're right, and speaking as someone whose another four stone to lose after losing one, I spent ten trs or more half heartedly trying and making the same excuses. She has to do it, and basically , medical issues aside, it is down to eating less, nothing else. And I've used all the excuses too....

If she’s is at the point where her GP is telling her to lose weight for her health than she would have been given sensible advice and suggested means to do so.

She’s asking you because she wants someone to give excuses as to why she can’t and find reasons not to. There are lists of suggestions etc you can give but ultimately unless your friend puts herself in the headspace to tackle her health she will always find reasons for being able to move a bit more and adapt her diet for weight loss and health.

80% of weight loss is diet. So you can be lazy and lose weight providing there isn’t an overiding medical condition.

LakieLady - believe me, your mind suffers when you become seriously physically unwell. Look after the body and it will help the mind. In fact regular exercise has a direct correlation with better mental health.

OP, I do think it is easier to live a more active lifestyle in a warmer country. I live in one, will say that I am much more healthy now, than when I lived in the UK.

That said, she asked for your advise, routine etc.. and you have told her. What she does with that advise, is completely up to her though.

YANBU

I find a lot of people have a complete lack of responsibility towards maintaining their body & health and it’s quite shocking!

When I worked in community (rather than the hospital) we ran a healthy lifestyle group that GP’s could refer into, some people were motivated & made changes but a lot just came every week with their list of excuses as to why they couldn’t possibly do anything to help themselves...

It’s easy to be seen as ‘sanctimonious’ but often people just don’t want to hear the truth. I also find staying on the straight & narrow difficult (see username ) but also get a lot of ‘it’s easy for you’ comments that minimise the effort I put in whilst somehow suggesting that the other person couldn’t possibly improve anything

In fact regular exercise has a direct correlation with better mental health

Yes, agree with this. The reason I joined gym, took classes etc was as I was going through tough time (marriage breakdown) but it was the mental rather than the physical changes that I noticed first. I initially took the classes to keep busy and have something other than my normal routine to do to get out of the rut I was in.

And as a runner give me -2 over 20 degrees plus any day! I would say 90% of my running friends agree

I want to say Good Luck to @Fairylea! I found your post very touching. You are right that there are many different and sometimes unavoidably reasons (like vital steroid medication) why people put on weight. I hope your dc thrives at their new school and that you continue to prioritise your health. Being the parent of a disabled child requires deep reserves of emotional and physical strength. It will benefit you and your child if you are fit and healthy. Keep on keeping on Fairylea

Please stop suggesting things to her, stop it completely.

Anyone with a weight problem just HATES advice from a (perceived) smug fit person.

Everybody knows how to get fitter, everybody, honest, they do.

If a person complains about their weight, all that is required of you is to say "hmm, yes, I see. That must be so hard"

Seriously, nobody likes suggestions about how to live.

(I do agree with you though, but I keep this opinion to myself in real life! If a colleague says:"it is easy for you, but it is hard for me to lose weight/get fit" I just say: "yes, it can be so hard", then move on to talk about something else)

Anyone with a healthy weight who has ever started an "eat like me" thread has been flamed!

Fat people don't want advice from smug slim people.

I am sure you meant well, OP, but you sound sanctimonious and that’s not going to help your friend. Leave her be and she will come to you for support when she is ready.

I work out 6 times a week

How terribly dull. People who are overweight (I'm one of them) know that you have to eat less and move more. They do not need a gym addict to patronise them with offers of "help".