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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is quite rude? I paid for her £72.34 shopping.

444 replies

LilacBearberry · 24/01/2018 20:38

I work part-time in a supermarket and it was someone's last shift. I do have a gift for her at home (as she didn't know her leaving date) but I told her to grab a few bits and I'll treat her (I didn't know what else to do).

The shopping came to £72.34! She then goes "thanks so much".

She also knows I'm a student :(

Maybe it's my fault for doing what I did, but don't you think that's quite rude?

OP posts:
GlitterUnicornsAndAllThatJazz · 25/01/2018 07:52

Thats absolutely insane.

If someone had told me to do that as a gift, I would have bought a sandwich, a multipack of crisps, a box of chocolates and a big bottle of beer, job done.

Who the fuck actually does a weekly shop?

The only thing I can think is that maybe she thought you were going to bypass the system for her. So she didnt realise it was going to come out of your pocket?

raindropsandsunshine · 25/01/2018 07:52

Bloody hell! Who on earth takes that kind offer as 'go ahead, do your weekly shop on me'?

Pinkfluffyhotwaterbottle · 25/01/2018 07:57

By the way don't be down on yourself, we've all made mistakes, you sound very kind and she was the one in the wrong.

I don't think there's anything wrong with getting someone a small leaving gift if you like them, she should have just picked up some bubble bath and chocolates.

Some people will take advantage of good will.

I had someone that kept asking to borrow my car and lend money.

Icedwatermelon · 25/01/2018 08:02

That's insane!!

NewPapaGuinea · 25/01/2018 08:04

Interesting thread with people victim blaming. Despite what you should have/should not have done this person possibly saw a weakness and took advantage. This is on your CF colleague, I would like to think most people would have just picked up something for £5-10

hesterton · 25/01/2018 08:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RowenasDiadem · 25/01/2018 08:20

I can see how this happened. I'm in my late 30's and even though I'm a relatively confident person I too would have been completely thrown by this and struggled to say fuck no. (I like to think I would have found a way but still, I would have been a babbling bright red embarrassed mess either way)
You really need to mention it to your line manager and colleagues. By your description it's clear CF put you on the spot and expected you to pay up. Whilst some commenters here are being harsh, I would guess that as 19 year olds many of them would likely have done similar if faced with this situation.

Hopefully someone will tell her she was a CF and she will repay you. If not it's £70 for a valuable life lesson. I'm sorry this happened OP.

hesterton · 25/01/2018 08:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

formerbabe · 25/01/2018 08:23

I think buying a leaving gift at all is bizarre. I get doing a collection and getting a gift as a group but it's a bit random to buy a leaving present especially when you are working part time and are a student.

llangennith · 25/01/2018 08:29

It was a strange offer and she was a cheeky cow to take advantage of you.
We live and learn and I’m sure you’ll have learnt to take a step back and think before jumping in on a new situation.

strugglingtodomybest · 25/01/2018 08:35

Am I the only one who would have replied to this offer of a gift with "no, don't be silly, you're a student, you've got no money and I don't need a gift"?

I'm surprised that she took you up on the offer at all, let alone did a week's shop.

TheRebel · 25/01/2018 08:37

I think you need to find a particularly bolshy colleague, one who doesn’t mince words (there’s always one!) and tell them what happened, see if they’ll have a word with her and get your money back.

Alternatively could you ring her and say you didn’t look st the amount when you put your PIN in as you assumed she wouldn’t spend more than £10 but you’ve just realised you ‘accidentally’ paid for her full shop and you’re sure she didn’t realise her mistake and would she mind awfully paying you back as you’re now overdrawn - you’ll need to say all of this with a big smile and a tone of obviously it was a mistake and of course she’d want to put it right.

Original poster
LilacBearberry · 25/01/2018 08:38

Thank you.

She was a team leader herself - in her 40s (for the people that wanted to know :))

She definitely wasn't doing her shop and expected me to just pay for a couple of items. Put uniform doesn't have pockets and she didn't have her bag on her or any other way to pay at the time. She did hug me, but she didn't seem surprised after I had paid, she was expecting me to.

Definitely a lesson learned.

OP posts:
lastnamefirstfirstnamelast · 25/01/2018 08:51

She sounds like an odd ball with a nasty, piss taking personality and at 40 she should know better.

In your life OP you are going to see lots of colleagues leave from now on/have birthdays/births/weddings.... If you ever want to gift again do one where you all chip in £2/3 each and all share one big card.

Thats normally the done thing.

If i was you I'd keep her at arms length, if she can think she can take the piss out of you like that she might try and be sneaky in other ways - by inviting you to nights out - expwecting you to buy drinks etc.

Never be so generous again and learn to say no!

TickyTakky · 25/01/2018 08:54

OP, so why don't you message her ? Lots of posters think it's a good idea and I can't see what harm it will do.

Pinkfluffyhotwaterbottle · 25/01/2018 09:31

At 40 and as a team leader she knew better.

She's a nasty cowbag.

BSintolerant · 25/01/2018 09:33

Please don't let this go. Talk to your current line manager and to HR. Put it in writing as well so that they know you mean business. Don't be fobbed off by anyone. Taking control is the best thing you can do so that you get all your money back and your former colleague will get the messsage that her behaviour is the height of cheeky fuckery.

kaytee87 · 25/01/2018 09:35

@BSintolerant as far as I understand the women has left. What are HR going to do about it? It could easily be painted as a misunderstanding, it's not like she went into ops purse and took the £70 out of it.

MichaelBendfaster · 25/01/2018 09:36

It was a kind offer and she took the piss.

Chalk it up to experience. If you offer something like that again, you should be more specific: 'Grab a bottle of your favourite wine/a fancy box of chocs/some nice deli stuff/whatever and I'll treat you to it.'

Theresnonamesleft · 25/01/2018 09:45

That was really nasty of her. Anyone would have realised this offer would have been a small token offer, not a weeks shopping for her family.

In future, don't offer. Sadly you have come across one of the many takers in life. THere are a lot of cheeky fuckers out there. Chalk it up to experience, and remember, you aren't stupid.

LordSugarWillSeeYouNow · 25/01/2018 09:47

I doubt op will ever do this again due to how much she has been exploited.

The sad thing here is that op may possibly feel unable or unwilling to offer to help someone in the future due to the way she has been treated at 19.

Op- clearly this woman's attitude and behaviour is rare. The vast majority of people would never ever to this to you.
Please don't change your lovely ways because of her but look at is a horrible ( expensive ) lesson in being more assertive.

You will have more luck in life than her.

Remember that.

TheRebel · 25/01/2018 09:49

Reading your update I don’t think you should let this go. As a team leader she should absolutely have known that what she did was inappropriate.

I’d go and speak to your boss, explain that you suggested she choose something as a leaving gift and that you would pay, but then she put you in an awkward situation and you panicked and paid for all of her shopping. Nobody could have reasonably expected you to pay for her weeks shop as a leaving gift, especially not a 40 year old in a position of responsibility.

Hopefully they will contact her and get your money back, but even if they can’t do that I’m sure your boss would want to know because they’ll be giving her a reference, possibly even rehiring her in future, and they can’t say she acts with integrity after this.

Pinkfluffyhotwaterbottle · 25/01/2018 09:52

I'm inclined to agree therebel

DarkPeakScouter · 25/01/2018 09:53

I think you do need to talk to your manager

MichaelBendfaster · 25/01/2018 09:54

Reading your update I don’t think you should let this go. As a team leader she should absolutely have known that what she did was inappropriate.

Yeah, it's pretty shocking that a team leader would do this and I think it's worth raising with a manager.

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