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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is quite rude? I paid for her £72.34 shopping.

444 replies

LilacBearberry · 24/01/2018 20:38

I work part-time in a supermarket and it was someone's last shift. I do have a gift for her at home (as she didn't know her leaving date) but I told her to grab a few bits and I'll treat her (I didn't know what else to do).

The shopping came to £72.34! She then goes "thanks so much".

She also knows I'm a student :(

Maybe it's my fault for doing what I did, but don't you think that's quite rude?

OP posts:
BlondeB83 · 25/01/2018 00:10

Bloody hell! What a CF! I also think she thought you would contribute maybe a tenner but not the whole thing!

Original poster
LilacBearberry · 25/01/2018 00:12

I am actually just reading through all the replies now, sorry.

I know it's shocking to some of you - to the point that you don't think it happened, but it really did and I need to explain the situation a bit better.

I didn't go with her as she picked the items, I was off doing my job. I told her to pick out a couple of bits and I'll treat her. Yes, I had a gift at home. Yes, I suppose I could have said let's meet up, but I'm not a particularly sociable person - I find it really quite hard to meet up with friends, etc. so that is something I'd never want to do. Then she'd have thought I was just lying about getting her the gift.

I also didn't watch her scan each item. She had scanned them and when I went to her, she went "thanks so much". I literally didn't know what to do. I can sit here now and think oh I should have done this and that, but at the time, I physically wouldn't have been able to 'make a joke' or 'tell her to stuff it' or whatever.

Thank you to the people who have been supportive.

I suppose what I meant was - even if someone had been stupid (like myself) would you have seriously had the cheek to get stuff totalling to that amount? I guess she was also in the wrong here, as so many of you wouldn't have done that.

OP posts:
Original poster
LilacBearberry · 25/01/2018 00:18

Also, yeah. This is my first job. I got it when I was 17. No one has ever left yet, so I didn't really know what was the 'done' thing. I honestly didn't realise you wouldn't buy a gift for someone.

OP posts:
DreamyMcDreamy · 25/01/2018 00:19

Even if someone said to you, go pick up a couple of bits or something, who in their right mind would do a £70 food shop?!?!
Exactly! This would be my thinking if it happened to me.
Colleague - go pick yourself out a few bits as a leaving present."
Me - "aw thank you!"

comes back with a bottle of wine and maybe a box of chocolates. Maximum. (My tastes aren't expensive, the House Pinot Grigio for a fiver and a box of Milk Tray would make me happy lol)
Who interprets that as "I'll do a weekly food shop for 70 quid, colleague knows if I fling it all on the belt she only has to put a tenner down?!"
No! She doesn't! As she's presumably not a mind reader.

DreamyMcDreamy · 25/01/2018 00:21

I know it's shocking to some of you - to the point that you don't think it happened, but it really did and I need to explain the situation a bit better

sorry, I was one of the ones saying "yeah,didn't happen, but if you read my posts after that and your update you'll see I'm on your side.

Helllllooooooo · 25/01/2018 00:28

Perhaps I am BU but I would be nicely, contacting her and saying sorry I didn’t realise it came to £72. Can I have the money back and I
will trade for this shit in a box bottle of wine

100YearsOfVote · 25/01/2018 00:39

Wow Sher

100YearsOfVote · 25/01/2018 00:40

Wow she totally took the piss. What a horrible person she was to do this.

Op you really don't have to buy people like this gifts especially is you can't afford it. Just give a card if you must give something.

TeaFrowel · 25/01/2018 00:49

OP do you know your line manager/branch manager well enough so they can have a word with her?

TickyTakky · 25/01/2018 00:54

What do you think about messaging her and asking for the one you back? I can't see any reason for you not to do it and if you are going to do it then I think the sooner you send it the better.

MrsWhirly · 25/01/2018 00:56

You’re not stupid, take it as a great big lesson learnt. She’s beyond rude.

And those posters calling you names, can fuck off.

BlueMirror · 25/01/2018 01:04

I think I'd have asked her what she got off you and paid for that. It wouldn't have been awkward I don't think because it wouldn't have even crossed my mind that anyone would be expecting me to pay for their weeks groceries.
Whether she intended you to pay or just took advantage when you did she's unreasonable either way.

Dailymailshutyamouth · 25/01/2018 01:07

How much older than you is she OP?

Please speak to a manager in work.

starray · 25/01/2018 01:07

Could it have been possible that she had done her shop and there were just a couple of items within her shop she wanted you to pay for, but you jumped the gun and just paid for the whole thing? Maybe she was as shocked as you were that you paid?

I can totally see where you're coming from Op, I'm can be like that - I hate confrontation or saying no - often to my own detriment!

starray · 25/01/2018 01:15

Just read your post that she had scanned each item and said "thanks so much". That reads to me like she was deliberately taking advantage. No, you were not in the wrong, just kind and generous and there is nothing wrong with that. She was totally in the wrong!

I would have interpreted "a few bits and bobs" as some choccies and maybe a bottle of something. And even then, I'd have been too embarrassed to get anything over a fiver. I wouldn't want to be seen to be taking advantage. But she obviously has no scruples whatsoever.

starray · 25/01/2018 01:16

I would speak to your manager - it feels like you have been cheated. Maybe they can dock her final pay or something...hopefully.

starray · 25/01/2018 01:18

Was it a self-service till?

TheDowagerCuntess · 25/01/2018 01:50

OP you need to message this piss-taker and let her know how out of line she's been. You can word it perfectly politely, while also making it quite clear that she's a feckless drop-kick of a human.

And I can't believe how unnecessarily cunty some people have been to the OP on this thread.

Well done. Bet you'd just love it if someone spoke to your daughter like that in real life.

salsmum · 25/01/2018 02:25

Remember the saying in future OP ' do not mistake my kindness for weakness so sorry you've been taken advantage of tread with caution next time. Thanks

user1471426142 · 25/01/2018 07:21

Your colleague was definitely taking advantage and was cruel to take advantage but this is a lesson for you to make sure others don’t take advantage of your kind nature again. Sadly there are lots of people that will exploit the kindness of people that don’t have the confidence to say no. This time you’ve lost £70 but next time It could be someone asking to borrow money you can’t afford or something that would cost you more.

What is more normal for workplace gifts is to put a couple of quid in a collection or possibly something more individual for close colleagues. If you didn’t know her that well, even a bottle of wine would have been very generous and out of the norm. Don’t feel like you need to buy gifts for other colleagues when they go. Anonymous collections are so much better because people who can’t afford it aren’t pressured into spending money they don’t have. I would mention it to your manager. They might not be able to do anything but if that had happened to one of my junior staff I’d certainly contact the other person and intervene on your behalf.

londonrach · 25/01/2018 07:28

Says more about her then you op...do you have a manager you can talk to as this cf has taken advantage of you. Yes shes left (good riddance). Cant think any normal person would do a weekly shop

ciaobella88 · 25/01/2018 07:29

This is awful, however you can’t really ask for it back take it as a lesson learnt and in 10 years you’ll be glad you’ve seen how people can be utter cheeky F’rs in life at a relatively young age therefore minimising future taking the piss!

Learning to say no is very hard I know but you will get better at realising what’s appropriate and what’s not, I think you had right idea of maybe she would come back with a bottle of wine or whatever but this is beyond belief no wonder you were too shocked to say anything.

Don’t “ complain” to your manager as such just make sure everyone in the workplace hears about it “ in conversation” . Someone else might say something to her in disgust you never know! I would I worked there!!!

Or future reference usually a few quid donation in an circulated retirement/leaving envelope is seen as ok depending how well you know them. If I don’t know them/like them they get nothing Grin I won’t expect anything back either though obviously.

ciaobella88 · 25/01/2018 07:33

Also kind of hope this thread does get picked up by the DM might shame her into giving you it back!!

sonjadog · 25/01/2018 07:36

I don´t think you can ask for it back either, or complain to other people at work without making yourself look silly. I´d just chalk it up to experience and move on. Everyone makes mistakes like this when they are young. It is part of the learning experience. Don´t be down on yourself - we´ve all been there.

Pinkfluffyhotwaterbottle · 25/01/2018 07:51

Wow, I also wondered whether she just meant for you to pay for a couple of things, is that possible? Though going by your update it doesn't sound like it.

You were daft to have paid but my gosh she was a piss taker, I'm really angry on your behalf.

I think it's a lesson learnt, practice some assertiveness.

A good tip if you're not sure about something is to take a few seconds to think before you do anything you're not sure of.

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