To think this is quite rude? I paid for her £72.34 shopping.

[LilacBearberry]

I work part-time in a supermarket and it was someone's last shift. I do have a gift for her at home (as she didn't know her leaving date) but I told her to grab a few bits and I'll treat her (I didn't know what else to do).

The shopping came to £72.34! She then goes "thanks so much".

She also knows I'm a student :(

Maybe it's my fault for doing what I did, but don't you think that's quite rude?

Yes it is embarrasing to pay for someone's shopping then ask for the money back. It's very weird.

It's bad behaviour on her part, raise it and say you were taken advantage of, never do it again!

I think with a student I'd try to demur but would accept something up to £10.

Anyone else I'd accept up to £20. Not approx £70.

Are you the woman who had the shopping thislittlekitty ?

Wow she's a cheeky mare but you should have been more specific!!

I don’t know why you wouldn’t just say no?! I’m not the most assertive person and I can often feel intimidated or awkward in certain situations, but I 100% would have said something. “Oh sorry I can’t afford all that, I only have a £15 limit as quite skint this month” would have sufficed.

I know it's awkward and embarrassing but I would HAVE to contact her and explain that you really didn't think she would pick so much and you were so shocked you didn't know what to say at the time. It's not like you have to work with the woman anymore so who cares.

Well, Barbarian, it's funny you should say that! I DO have diagnosed anxiety and OCD. BUT, it's defined me throughout my teen years. I have had therapy and feel like I'm in control. I can't stand it when people say to me "you can't do that, what if it sets your anxiety/OCD into the state it was before" and it's slightly crushing to be discouraged, so I don't like to make it relevant in my life. No one knows I have it, apart from my family/professionals, so I like to think I'm just like any other person now

So yes, although it may have been slightly relevant in this situation. I don't want it to be. I guess I was just a stupid person who froze and that's okay, I'll learn from that. Maybe I'll freeze again, but maybe I'll unfreeze when I rethink that situation.

I'm not sure if going to my manager would be any good. I guess it's considered an out of work matter. To the person who said I'm not a school child and my manager isn't a teacher - I'm fully aware of that... It doesn't mean you don't go to your manager for guidance, etc. I just agree it's not right in this situation.

I would message her, but because I wasn't specific, she'll easily just play dumb.

No one did a pitch in thing, where everyone donates a certain amount and you get a group gift. No one even suggested that, so I had no idea.

No I would never in a million years accepted this offer. I just think it was a miss under standing. I doubt she expected the op to pay for the lot, maybe she was just doing her shop anyway? But asking for the money back would be crazy imo. I would just move on.

Good for you OP.

I had an anxiety diagnosis as a teen and was helped and survived. I don't have it now (well I do get anxious but not in the same totally dehabilitating way) and haven't for many years. My ds2 is now struggling with it and has just started therapy. I truly believe that, for many of us it is a treatable condition and need not define our whole lives.

What a nasty woman. You were doing a nice thing for her and she massively took advantage. Most people would not do that OP the problem is with her not you.

I would raise it with your manager - I don't think this is an out of work thing.

I wouldn't let it go. Embarrassing or not. You really have nothing to lose by sending her a text or discussing with your colleagues who may be able to speak up for you. No, it was obviously not a misunderstanding. If she didn't expect Op to pay for everything, she wouldn't have accepted and she would have had some money on her.

Just feeling angry on your behalf!

This has made me so angry on your behalf OP

Who takes advantage of people to this extent. At what point in her head did this person think it was ok to do this? I want to do something about it for you.

She used you. I'd at least tell your manager if you can. It's always a good idea to expose pisstaking twats. They get away with it because people are nicey nice or say 'take the high ground' and 'lesson learned'. No misunderstanding, she knew damn well what she was doing. All CFs do, they think they're entitled to other people's time, money, skills, property. Please read some of the Cheeky Fucker (CF) threads on here (some go beyond cheeky and are theft) and be inspired on how to learn to deal with these twunts. The one last week is probably still taking some random's daughter to school for free, going 20 minutes out of her way every day to do so.

@LilacBearberry - I was sympathetic to you before. However if you fail to act when you've been given good advice on how to possibly claw back some of this money of yours that this CF spent, frankly, I start to get angry at you.

This comment that you posted in particular makes for frustrating reading: I would message her, but because I wasn't specific, she'll easily just play dumb.
So, you would message her but you're not going to as, in your head, you weren't specific and because of this, she will play dumb??
As I said in my earlier post, you have absolutely nothing to lose by sending her a text message with the wording that PeppaPig had suggested. Not a thing to lose and you could end up getting some money back from her. She really was awful cheeky to be buying yogurts for her kids thinking that this was an ok thing to do expecting you to pay for it. Really cheeky.
Please be a bit brave and send the text message.

Out of interest Lilac, what was the gift you had for her at home?

She is a complete CF. With no bag/pockets/purse, she had no intention of paying for her stuff and knew it would put you in an awkward situation.

LilacBearberry please don't say you're stupid or hate yourself. You are a kind person , who's relatively young and was trying to do the right / kind thing in a new social situation. She took advantage of you, where the vast majority of people would not and would have done as you expected and all would have been fine. It's her not you 💐

Here here, @expat!!!

Just take your manager aside and say "listen, right before CF left, I said she was welcome to pick up a few things on me and then I went back to my shift. Next thing I know she's put 72 Quid's worth of stuff through the til and stood there watching me pay. I was so in shock at the time with her eyes on me that I paid it"

Then just see what happens. You should message her, too. Don't just "chalk this up to experience", make this a lesson in standing up for yourself.

Seventy quid when I was a student would have been my "me" budget for well over 2 weeks. Furious for you.

frankly, I start to get angry at you.
Your getting angry because someone with anxiety doesn't want to confront a cf who realistically is very unlikely to turn around and so oh yes let me just send you the money.

Advice is just that WhachaMa. OP is free to take it, leave it, think about it somemore or ignore it totally as she pleases.

Nice to see the thread has moved on from the jeering/name calling at the outset, at least. Aibu can be depressing reading at times. I can understand it if the OP is being unpleasant or hostile, but not if it's someone who's tried to do a nice thing and been shat on.

I hear ya, @jesus

OP everyone is really riled on your behalf and we have got your corner! None of this was your fault!

feel so annoyed for you Op, how dare this woman do this to you, she is old enough to know better and her actions are odd not yours! What do you parents or siblings say about this? Would one of them act/message the woman for you? And please do not think this was your fault!!