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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would it BU to ask the teacher to remind DD to go to the loo before hometime?

518 replies

Natsku · 24/01/2018 11:30

DD nearly always forgets to go to a wee before she leaves school and then she ends up desperately needing it while on the walk home and the last few days she's come home soaked from wetting herself (which is not just unpleasant for her but verging on dangerous as I expect walking in wet clothes increases the risks of hypothermia and it's been -15 lately in the afternoons)

I'm not there to remind her myself as she walks alone and I just physically can't go to pick her up at the moment because my SPD is too bad and no amount of reminding her in the morning seems to help her remember by hometime, but I'm worried it would be a bit unreasonable to ask the teacher to take responsibility for reminding her as she is probably very busy at hometime and I don't want to be that parent (I'm worried I already am for some other reasons and don't want to be more of a bother) but fed up of washing DD's snowsuit every day and her skin on her inner thighs is getting really sore from the wee and the wet trousers rubbing on her.

OP posts:
Beeziekn33ze · 25/01/2018 22:37

OP Finland sounds great!
I think your best plan is to (as evilstepmother suggested earlier) have a word with your DD's friend and also with the teacher. With two people involved in reminding her she should soon get into the habit of going to the loo after school. Good luck!
I speak as one who at 5 walked alone a mile along a main road having not used the school lavatory all day because of being teased and upset by older girls in there. I'll was often beyond desperate when I arrived home - I'll spare you the details!

XmasInTintagel · 25/01/2018 22:55

You mentioned OP, that they finish at different times each day, so it would be hard for parents to pick them up. I'm curious tho - how can parents be sure that they'll be home when the child arrives without knowing when they'll finish? Does it rely on DM staying home all day?

Original poster
Natsku · 25/01/2018 23:54

The children just go home alone XmasInTintagel, first and second graders can go to after school care/before school care (because sometimes classes don't start until 10 or 11) if they get a space in it but from 9 years up they just go home or hang out with friends until their parents finish work. DD's best friend is in that situation most days after school, finish at 1 but his mum doesn't get home until 3.

I wouldn't think it'd be worry about the journey because she was fine last term but worry about the baby, or maybe something is going on at school. There was some bullying in the early autumn which seemed to be sorted but I think I better check with her teacher it hasn't started again and then I can mention the toilet thing too.

Someone said the Finnish people must be judgemental - they are. They won't say anything, just judge you silently but can sense it when it happens. Definitely one of the downsides of this place. Most 6 year olds don't walk this far though, we're just a tad too close to qualify for the bus. And it doesn't have to take her an hour, she can do it in less than 30 minutes in the morning when it's colder so she walks faster, she just chooses to dilly-dally.

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 25/01/2018 23:57

I’d love to live like this if it wasn’t so cold lol!

With the school hours being shorter and it sounded like they start at a later age? Do they have shorter holidays?

She seems to have started skiing quite late or is that just cross country skiing? Sorry just being nosy!

Original poster
Natsku · 26/01/2018 00:00

GrumpyGreta
She has a snowfox GPS thingy, don't think it's available in the UK yet. It's pretty good, it alerts me when she arrives at school and leaves it and I can set it too alert me if she goes somewhere out of bounds.

Also like the shewee idea people, I've been wanting one myself for ages so shall get us one each. Will be useful for her ski trips too.

OP posts:
disneydatknee · 26/01/2018 00:05

Just interested to hear where abouts you live? I’ve just started getting my 9 year old to walk to and from school on his own (10 min walk max, one straight road and 3 traffic lights) and still people judge me for letting him walk on his own at his age.

Original poster
Natsku · 26/01/2018 00:06

They get longer holidays too MiddleClassProblem! summer holidays are about two and a half months long, though they don't get a proper break at Easter.
It's just cross country skiing, 5-7 yrs is the expected time to learn it here according to her milestones chart. Haven't even attempted downhill, cross country is much more the thing here.

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 26/01/2018 00:07

Shewee tip, you have to pee slower than normal...

Original poster
Natsku · 26/01/2018 00:09

Finland Disney quite different in regards to walking to school (as has been clearly established on this thread Grin). That's sad that you're getting judged for letting your son walk.

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 26/01/2018 00:10

That’s crazy! How do they do so much less time but the education levels are so much better? It’s fantastic. I know class sizes are probably smaller but it can’t just be that.

Original poster
Natsku · 26/01/2018 00:15

Smaller class sizes help, I think there's just 15 in DD's class. Smaller curriculum too (not studying the Tudors a million times allows more time for other things!). I don't know how they do it though, am very much in awe of the teachers. They do have longer days as they get older though, from 7th grade to 9th they have 6 hours a day, maybe 7 depending on what they study (they can choose extra classes)

OP posts:
cherish123 · 26/01/2018 00:18

A teacher will have many things to do and not their job to remember. DD needs to learn. Why not tell her to remember.

LondonLassInTheCountry · 26/01/2018 00:25

the rest of the walk is through the forest on the ski/foot paths right up until our road, very safe walk.
Shock

UndomesticHousewife · 26/01/2018 01:06

Can you say whereabouts in Finland you live Natsku?

Original poster
Natsku · 26/01/2018 05:38

A small town in Central-ish Finland.

OP posts:
ArsenalsPlayingAtHome · 26/01/2018 06:03

Haven't RTHT, OP but is it that your daughter is forgetting or is something else going on?

I only say this because 2 of my DDs have had issues with going to the toilet at school. My youngest had a spell of not going all day. The reason, I eventually found out, was because there was a bit of bullying going on in the toilets, and she just wouldn't take the risk of getting caught up in it, so would avoid going all day.

I don't know her age, but I think if it was as straight forward as forgetting, she'd maybe forget a couple of times, but the sore legs and discomfort would probably be enough to prevent it after a few times.

If I was a teacher, I'd want to help, & would hate to think that parents would be worried to approach me about something like this. It would ring alarm bells about bullying.

Original poster
Natsku · 26/01/2018 06:10

There can't be bullying in the toilets because they're individual toilets coming off the classroom but I'm going to ask the teacher if there's any issues in class because there were problems before which really upset DD so if it's happening again it would explain a toilet regression. DD hasn't mentioned any bullying but she wasn't very upfront about it last time either.

OP posts:
Original poster
Natsku · 26/01/2018 06:22

OH just said he can leave work early today so he can pick her up so I'll ask him to talk to the teacher or get me first so I can talk to her.

OP posts:
ArsenalsPlayingAtHome · 26/01/2018 06:26

I've just read a little bit more of the thread - it sounds amazing where you live. I'm a little bit Envy about the freedom the children have. I'm sitting here all wistful thinking how much it must enrich their lives....

Sorry you're having such a tough time with the pregnancy. Flowers

Whowhatwhy · 26/01/2018 06:36

I'm just picturing a small girl walking home a considerable distance in -15 degrees and having no choice but to wet herself because she's still young enough to not have fully learned to manage that. I'm imagining how that must feel to be that little girl.

Original poster
Natsku · 26/01/2018 06:36

Thanks Arsenals not long left to suffer with this pregnancy, due date is tomorrow!

OP posts:
Original poster
Natsku · 26/01/2018 06:39

She had learned how to do manage that Whowhatwhy this is a new problem, if it was because she was too young to manage the walk home she'd have been doing it all year. And 2km is hardly a considerable distance!

OP posts:
Whowhatwhy · 26/01/2018 06:54

It is for such a young child, alone in cold weather!

Original poster
Natsku · 26/01/2018 07:01

It's not though, not here, it's normal.

OP posts:
GrumpyGreta · 26/01/2018 07:06

Thanks Op for info, will have a look!

middle Possibly TMI but I do my usual power-piss even with a shewee, i just make sure it's pressed hard against me and angled correctly. The stream of wee is very satisfying.

Good luck with the birth OP, hope new baby doesn't keep you waiting Flowers Grin