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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would it BU to ask the teacher to remind DD to go to the loo before hometime?

518 replies

Natsku · 24/01/2018 11:30

DD nearly always forgets to go to a wee before she leaves school and then she ends up desperately needing it while on the walk home and the last few days she's come home soaked from wetting herself (which is not just unpleasant for her but verging on dangerous as I expect walking in wet clothes increases the risks of hypothermia and it's been -15 lately in the afternoons)

I'm not there to remind her myself as she walks alone and I just physically can't go to pick her up at the moment because my SPD is too bad and no amount of reminding her in the morning seems to help her remember by hometime, but I'm worried it would be a bit unreasonable to ask the teacher to take responsibility for reminding her as she is probably very busy at hometime and I don't want to be that parent (I'm worried I already am for some other reasons and don't want to be more of a bother) but fed up of washing DD's snowsuit every day and her skin on her inner thighs is getting really sore from the wee and the wet trousers rubbing on her.

OP posts:
Whowhatwhy · 26/01/2018 07:09

OP you still have to give written permission for a child your daughter's age to do it though, so it's not entirely normal is it? And 2km is 2km wherever you live.

Sumo1 · 26/01/2018 07:26

It sounds a lovely walk. I’m an old gimmer and remember the walk home through countryside. Very pleasant after a noisy school day. I used to sing and daydream , did it throughout primary school, about 1.5-2 miles.
I would mention it to teacher. Don’t see a problem, in fact a good idea that everyone is reminded to wee if they need to before layers of clothes are put on.

Original poster
Natsku · 26/01/2018 07:39

Yes preschool year you need written permission to let them walk alone - she's the oldest in the class, born a month earlier and she'd be in the 1st grade where no permission is needed. There's children that are still 5 when they start preschool so obviously parental permission is needed for such young children but DD was 6 and a half already when she started - quite a developmental difference between a 5.5yr old and a 6.5yr old.
2km is 2km which is not a long distance anywhere! She regularly goes for 5k+ walks in that forest with OH and/or me, up and down the "mountain" (it's not a mountain, it's just a big hill but everyone calls it the mountain)

Was having uncomfortable contractions half the night last night GrumpyGreta so I'm hoping I won't be kept waiting long. Will be wonderful to be rid of this SPD and be able to walk again.

OP posts:
scrivette · 26/01/2018 08:21

It sounds a wonderful place to bring up children!

Best of luck with the new baby, sounds like s/he will be her shortly.

Cracker09jacker · 26/01/2018 08:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

apostropheuse · 26/01/2018 09:01

A six year old walking on her own in minus 15 temperatures for almost an hour and she's wetting herself.

Doesn't sound idyllic to me.

XmasInTintagel · 26/01/2018 09:13

Thinking about this with my psychotherapist hat on, I wonder if the soiling could be an unconscious message
I don't think the OP suggested she was soiling did she?

MiddleClassProblem · 26/01/2018 09:17

Whowhatwhy by that logic any school trip is not normal either

MiddleClassProblem · 26/01/2018 09:20

Good luck with the SPD. Mine stuck around for a bit after but was still better than when there was a baby weighing on my bones.

Hope you get your new arrival soon!

Buglife · 26/01/2018 10:11

People seem so shocked by the distance. 2km really isn’t very far, if you are used to walking. I live just outside the centre of a large town and we walk around all weekend and my 3 and a half year old hasn’t used a buggy for ages so he can be walking around for hours some days, absolutely fine. Easily quite a few km. If a 2km walk was beyond him at aged 7 I’d be shocked. Clearly some people aren’t used to it, I see some of his classmates at preschool being carried to their cars by parents as they’ll refuse to walk down a long street because they are still used to going car/short walk/into a buggy. If you are used to it, it’s fine. Also children are FULL of energy! They are supposed to be running about and walking etc. It’s healthy. And also people who live in very cold countries are used to it and dress appropriately for it. So no need to be shocked there either. So many snide comments about any lifestyle that doesn’t conform exactly to your own.

sallywinter · 26/01/2018 10:44

Apologies, careless with choice of words. Wetting.

OP, it may not make sense with her chronological age, being older now than she was when she began walking home without difficulty, but there could have been a change that led to this regression. Changes at home, something at school.

Finding out exactly what it was may or may not be possible, and that then may or may not be possible to “fix,” but even the noticing of the problem and you giving it thought (which is what you’re doing here) might be what she needs.

Helllllooooooo · 26/01/2018 10:54

There are gps tracking watches that you put a SIM card in. You can call on it and text. I’d do that and call everyday to remind her.
You’re much more chilled than I would be over the walking home alone.

It could also be the cold bringing on the need to wee

Fletchasaurus · 26/01/2018 11:23

I've followed the discussion of life in Finland with interest and I have to say it sounds a nice way to live - if bloody cold! I really can't see the issue with asking the teachers to remind dd - they can only say no, but hopefully it will also get better the more you continue to remind her, others have suggested some great ideas. Best wishes for the new baby Smile

Original poster
Natsku · 26/01/2018 11:38

I'm starting to think that sallywinter, that it's a regression either because of the change coming with the baby and me not being able to do as much with her lately or then issues at school. Need to get to the bottom of this. And once my spd is gone I'm going to offer to walk with her if she wants. Maybe if I walk with her for a few weeks she'd then feel reassured that she's not being abandoned because of the baby and will be comfortable going back to the normal routine again.

OP posts:
sonjadog · 26/01/2018 13:35

It might also just be the cold. She might not realise she really needs to go until she's outside. It catches me out all the time and I'm in my 40s!

LemonysSnicket · 26/01/2018 14:06

A 40 min walk home at 7?!?

I wasn’t allowed to walk the 2 minutes home until I was 10 !!!

IloveJudgeJudy · 26/01/2018 14:37

Like many of the other posters I'm a little envious of some aspects of your lifestyle, OP ! The part where your DD is allowed to walk home sounds brilliant. Once my DC reached Y5 they, and DH and I, wanted them to walk home alone. There was always a group of my friends and their DC walking exactly the same route and usually I was, too, picking up younger DC.

You wouldn't believe the resistance I came across! The class teacher was very resistant, even though it was our wish. She sort of told me it wasn't allowed! Also, all 3 DC were born September to January, so older in the year.

In your case I think either your DD has an infection or, like others have said, it may be a reaction to your being more immobile atm. Anyway, I'm thinking of you and hope you get a satisfactory conclusion.

Original poster
Natsku · 26/01/2018 15:01

That must have been very frustrating IloveJudgeJudy!

We always have our best chats in the sauna so I'm going to heat it up tonight and see if she opens up about any worries or stress and ask her if she's become unhappy about the walk or something else. OH forgot to ask the teacher when he picked her up so no news from that end.

OP posts:
sallywinter · 26/01/2018 15:11

Sauna

MiddleClassProblem · 26/01/2018 15:19

The sauna... it’s amazing. Best you eat amazing shellfish too.

Original poster
Natsku · 26/01/2018 15:21

Sauna is the best, helps ease the ache in my pelvis too. Just wish we had a proper wood heated one though, maybe one day...

She'd love a watch anyway so even if it's not needed in the end as a toilet reminder it's still a good idea.

OP posts:
coconuttella · 26/01/2018 15:23

This thread certainly provides an interesting comparative perspective to the neurotic worriers on MN who are think SS should be called if you leave your 8 year old in the house alone for 5 minutes!

Original poster
Natsku · 26/01/2018 15:25

Just crayfish in the summer, though that's more of a West Coast Swedo-Finn thing but I always make sure we have them at least once each summer. More into fresh fish caught from the lake, can't beat a perch caught within the last hour and then fried over an open fire with plenty of butter.

OP posts:
fluffygreenmonsterhoody · 26/01/2018 15:31

I’ve taken a few study trips to Finland in the past year and one of the things that jumped out was how young the kids walked home. That and the fact that they don’t wear shoes in school.

The naked swimming was a shock though...

Original poster
Natsku · 26/01/2018 15:37

The no shoes in school is lovely - so much fun sliding along the corridors in your socks! Especially if you're wearing slippery woolly socks (went to school for a few days during one of our childhood holidays in Lapland and fondly remember the sliding)

But naked swimming? Where was that? I know there's one pool in Helsinki that has naked (sex segregated) swimming sessions but haven't heard of it elsewhere, except in the lake if there's no one else around.

OP posts: