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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would it BU to ask the teacher to remind DD to go to the loo before hometime?

518 replies

Natsku · 24/01/2018 11:30

DD nearly always forgets to go to a wee before she leaves school and then she ends up desperately needing it while on the walk home and the last few days she's come home soaked from wetting herself (which is not just unpleasant for her but verging on dangerous as I expect walking in wet clothes increases the risks of hypothermia and it's been -15 lately in the afternoons)

I'm not there to remind her myself as she walks alone and I just physically can't go to pick her up at the moment because my SPD is too bad and no amount of reminding her in the morning seems to help her remember by hometime, but I'm worried it would be a bit unreasonable to ask the teacher to take responsibility for reminding her as she is probably very busy at hometime and I don't want to be that parent (I'm worried I already am for some other reasons and don't want to be more of a bother) but fed up of washing DD's snowsuit every day and her skin on her inner thighs is getting really sore from the wee and the wet trousers rubbing on her.

OP posts:
TornadoOfToys · 29/01/2018 07:28

Something to be aware of maybe. There's a boy in DD's class whose mum had a little boy in his first year. He had just started walking to school, then his grandma took him the week whilst mum was in hospital. He then refused to walk alone for a while. Understandable. She got him going alone again and then he had phases where he would randomly refuse. She finally figured out it was when either his little sister or the baby reached a milestone.

Original poster
Natsku · 29/01/2018 07:47

Sat outside a shop having a rest, I managed to walk all the way, the ski poles helped immensely. We were twenty minutes late leaving because I didn't realise her new ski shoes were the wrong type for her skis so had to go back and change and by that point it was already light so I reckon only a week until it's light at her normal time. Was really nice to see her ski, she was so proud to show off how well she can do it now.

I talked to her teacher too about the wetting herself and she said she'll remind her to go before leaving and said that last term she always went before leaving so she probably just got out of the habit over the holidays.

OP posts:
scrivette · 29/01/2018 07:52

Ahh bless her!

You be careful!

SandLand · 29/01/2018 07:58

Take it easy Natsku. You are 40 weeks pregnant with SPD. Don't damage yourself. Others need to bust a gut this week on the school run, then the 3 of you can go when your pelvis isn't unstable.
Another one saying hats off to you for your admirable attitude shown on the thread. All the best for school runs and the impending delivery.Flowers

Original poster
Natsku · 29/01/2018 08:14

Wasn't slippery at all, it's a well-maintained path, walking the main road back though so I don't have to go up and down all those little hills again. Now I've made it to a cafe for a well deserved cup of tea and a proper rest.

Thanks for the well wishes for the baby coming, hopefully not much longer, Braxton hicks are ramping up right now.

OP posts:
MsGameandWatching · 29/01/2018 08:29

Its a shame you've had to do it as I had rather hoped that your DP might have stepped up especially as you're so late in your pregnancy. I hope your baby comes soon and things get easier for everyone.

Original poster
Natsku · 29/01/2018 08:35

He had to get to work before 8 today, we really can't afford to lose clients because he's not available when they need him. He does what he can but some days are impossible, he can't even take me to my midwife appointment tomorrow which he usually does. I quite enjoyed the walk though, it's so beautiful right now and I have missed that quality time with DD when there's nothing else distracting us like there usually is at home.

OP posts:
sonjadog · 29/01/2018 11:26

I was checking out sun rise/set yesterday afternoon and it is already 2 hours longer than midwinter, so longer days are just around the corner!

StrangeAndUnusual · 29/01/2018 11:31

Can you get her a Wobl watch (look on Amazon). They're specifically for reminding children to go to the loo - you set an alarm (can be sound or vibrate or both).

You could set an alarm for sometime to remind her to go then. Also any other times that are useful (e.g. break time/lunchtime to try and get a pattern going.)

You could also tell her teacher about the watch, so that if the teacher happens to be near her and notices the watch going off, she can remind her to go (which is less onerous on the teacher than having to remember & remind.

I've had similar issues with my DD. Wobl watch wasn't a magic cure but it definitely helped.

Original poster
Natsku · 29/01/2018 11:35

Yeah it rose today at 8:55 but of course light came about half an hour before that.
She's on her way home now, should be quicker on skis.

That last ten or so minutes of walking from the cafe to home hurt a lot more (pavement is much harder on my hips and pelvis than the forest path) so glad I don't need to do that all week. Did realise I'm going to have to use the baby carrier to walk with DD once the baby is here as I can't take the pram on the ski path as it would mess up the ski tracks.

OP posts:
Original poster
Natsku · 29/01/2018 11:37

I spoke to her teacher today Strange she's happy to remind her before they go out to play before home time.

OP posts:
Dianag111 · 29/01/2018 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Natsku · 30/01/2018 03:41

She's almost 7 (on Thursday) Dianag though snow clothes aren't really an indication of age here, children wear them at least until the teen years when they might try to be too cool and tough for warm clothes for a while but then get their sense back in adulthood Grin

No accident yesterday even though it took even longer for her to get home, an hour and a half (faffing about with her skis and trouble getting up the slippery bridge) because her teacher reminded her to go to the loo before leaving.

OP posts:
sashh · 30/01/2018 04:09

she walks part way with her friend and messes about (and probably eats snow which doesn't help).

Get the friend to remind her before they set off. Kids this age usually like having a 'job'. Also agree with the watch or some other reminder, a toy that she takes in and leaves on the teacher's desk or an elastic band on her wrist.

When I was at primary there was a girl who used to put a felt tip mark on her forehead because people would ask her why and she would say, "to remind me to do x"

Whowhatwhy · 30/01/2018 19:43

Were you worried about the hour and a half OP? Did you make any moves to get out and find her or did you just assume she'd be ok?

Original poster
Natsku · 30/01/2018 20:49

I called her to check if she was OK of course, she was a little frustrated with the bridge (didn't want to give up and take off her skis but realised she had to in the end) but otherwise fine.
No accident today either, her teacher reminded her to go to the loo again.

OP posts:
Dianag111 · 30/01/2018 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TittyGolightly · 30/01/2018 21:02

There’s not reading the full thread, and then there’s Dianag’s post.

Original poster
Natsku · 30/01/2018 21:09

titty Grin

OP posts:
myrtleWilson · 30/01/2018 21:27

to be honest Natsku I get the impression that some posters won't be happy until you admit that you often forget you have a child and are constantly surprised when she walks in the door!

Titty Grin

Original poster
Natsku · 30/01/2018 21:39

I expect so myrtle!

She can't wait to ski to school again so might walk with her tomorrow so she can depending how my hips feel in the morning. Good for her to get a lot of practice in as she's taking part in her first ski race next month.

OP posts:
myrtleWilson · 30/01/2018 21:43

ah - friends of ours moved to Finland a few years back and their daughter (now just at secondary school) has turned into an ice dance sensation! Its amazing how children can adapt to new "normal" of skiing or ice skating isn't it?

Original poster
Natsku · 30/01/2018 21:57

Yeah they are incredibly adaptive. One of DD's friends moved here from Germany less than two years ago and now you wouldn't realise she hasn't been here all her life until you hear her speak German with her dad. It was very cute when DD befriended her on her first day in daycare, she spoke German to DD and DD spoke English to her and they got on wonderfully according to the teacher there.

OP posts:
frogsoup · 30/01/2018 22:42

@myrtleWilson I was thinking exactly that as well! They were genuinely not-so-secretly hoping the answer to 'were you worried when she took an hour and a half?' was going to be 'oh no, not really, I was so engrossed in my soap-watching and 7th vodka and tonic that I didn't even notice', so that they could froth a bit more at the neglect and irresponsibility Grin

frogsoup · 30/01/2018 22:47

It's amazing how kids don't need language to find common ground isn't it! Last summer my kids played for an entire week with their second cousins, they spoke in English and the cousins were replying in French. They didn't understand a word each other were saying and yet it somehow didn't seem to impede communication in the slightest!!!