Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would it BU to ask the teacher to remind DD to go to the loo before hometime?

518 replies

Natsku · 24/01/2018 11:30

DD nearly always forgets to go to a wee before she leaves school and then she ends up desperately needing it while on the walk home and the last few days she's come home soaked from wetting herself (which is not just unpleasant for her but verging on dangerous as I expect walking in wet clothes increases the risks of hypothermia and it's been -15 lately in the afternoons)

I'm not there to remind her myself as she walks alone and I just physically can't go to pick her up at the moment because my SPD is too bad and no amount of reminding her in the morning seems to help her remember by hometime, but I'm worried it would be a bit unreasonable to ask the teacher to take responsibility for reminding her as she is probably very busy at hometime and I don't want to be that parent (I'm worried I already am for some other reasons and don't want to be more of a bother) but fed up of washing DD's snowsuit every day and her skin on her inner thighs is getting really sore from the wee and the wet trousers rubbing on her.

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 28/01/2018 22:38

9 months pregnant and severe SPD? Ds1 would be lucky if I rolled over in bed to open a packet of Wotsits for his breakfast Grin

mummyfeo · 28/01/2018 22:42

if she is old enough to walk home on her own, she is old enough to be in charge of her own bladder- this sounds like a wind-up to me

frogsoup · 28/01/2018 22:45

Mummyfeo only if you don't rtft.

myrtleWilson · 28/01/2018 22:49

hey natsku -can I just say I think you've handled this thread amazingly - despite some posters best efforts to depict you as the worst mother of all time.... goodness knows I've only been a mother for 15 years and not all of them have been saintly! I hope you and your dd work out a joint new plan for walking and best wishes (and hurry ups) for the new arrival

limitedperiodonly · 28/01/2018 23:16

This is from your OP Natsku

the last few days she's come home soaked from wetting herself (which is not just unpleasant for her but verging on dangerous as I expect walking in wet clothes increases the risks of hypothermia and it's been -15 lately in the afternoons)

You also said that she said she takes an hour to walk home. Sounds bloody miserable to me.

frogsoup · 28/01/2018 23:22

Since your reading comprehension is so good, limited, how come you missed the bit where it says that the reason she takes an hour is because she's dawdling and playing with her friends? And again - which is more plausible, weeing just after leaving school, or just before she gets home?

becotide · 28/01/2018 23:28

Both are completely plausible, she's 6 years old.

MsGameandWatching · 28/01/2018 23:31

I'm massively over invested in this thread but I have just done my own child's route on google maps to the secondary school I hope she will attend next year. It's 2.1km, so slightly longer but the route is as the crow flies and will apparently take 39 minutes. So I confess I am befuddled by the assertions that such a journey would only take 20/30 minutes for a 6/7 year old child all bundled up in a snow suit, walking in the dark through snow. That's some stamina and speed she's going on there.

BlueMirror · 28/01/2018 23:43

Agree with others the story has changed massively. And how would the child be sore from wetting as the op says if it's happening as she gets to the door. Presumably she changes out of her things straight away???

frogsoup · 28/01/2018 23:48

Msgame me too I admit Grin. But that Google timing is odd, my walk to work is 1.4 miles, or 2.2km, and Google tells me 25 minutes.

frogsoup · 28/01/2018 23:49

Google usually works in miles not km, are you sure you aren't confusing the two?

Greensleeves · 28/01/2018 23:50

I think we have to assume OP is telling the truth about how long it takes her daughter to do the walk - why on earth wouldn't she? She posted for advice, she would gain nothing from supplying inaccurate information Confused

limitedperiodonly · 28/01/2018 23:54

There's nothing wrong with my reading comprehension frogsoup

Natsku says it takes her 6 year old daughter an hour to get home from school and she often comes home 'soaked' in urine in temperatures of - 15. I've read the whole thread. It's all there.

Natsku has since convinced herself that the little girl is pissing herself on the doorstep because of the medical phenomenon known as: 'key in the door syndrome'. Maybe so.

I don't really know why I should care more about the welfare of Natsku's child than she does. After all, she's far away in the idyllic land of Finland

MsGameandWatching · 28/01/2018 23:59

My settings are km. I don't want to screen shot to show you as it's my actual home area and route.

MsGameandWatching · 29/01/2018 00:01

There's a walk through a shopping centre as part of it though so maybe that's adding time on.

frogsoup · 29/01/2018 00:11

Except the bit where natsku says it only takes an hour because she's dawdling with friends. You studiously ignored that bit, because you prefer your image of her miserable and alone. And on the basis of that you are accusing the op of both lying and neglect, despite her love and concern for her daughter (and patience with even the most unpleasant of people on this thread) shining out from her posts. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Natsku, very best of luck with your new arrival, and I hope you can ignore the viciousness which you've been on the receiving end of. People forget there are real individuals with feelings behind the screen.

frogsoup · 29/01/2018 00:13

Msgame, who knows the ways of Google! But luckily we don't have to, since the op has told us how long this particular journey takes...

maybaby17 · 29/01/2018 00:16

Sorry your DD is having toilet trouble but this thread was lovely to read. I really enjoyed reading about your life in Finland and your mum grew up in Lapland??

Fancy doing a wee mini biography???

MsGameandWatching · 29/01/2018 00:19

She has, but I just don't believe it takes a six year old only 20/30 minutes to walk 2 km. Sorry.

limitedperiodonly · 29/01/2018 00:31

Sorry your DD is having toilet trouble but this thread was lovely to read. I really enjoyed reading about your life in Finland and your mum grew up in Lapland?? Fancy doing a wee mini biography???

PMSL maybaby17

maybaby17 · 29/01/2018 00:41

I sound so sarcastic but I really wasn't trying to be. I hadn't read all of the posts when I commented. It got a bit judgey didn't it?

I am genuinely interested by the different lifestyle though and your biography minus the horrible ex/social services part.....! More like how you ended up in Finland and your mum ended up in the uk and what your Lapland holidays were like. Just nosey that's all!

Maya80 · 29/01/2018 02:18

Are there any neighbours who could help til your spd has got better? Or any family or friends? An adult or older child who could walk with her, or give her a lift? I think someone already mentioned maybe a taxi if not?

I wonder if given the circumstances your daughter would be allowed to get on the bus just in the short term til you can walk with her again. I can understand in a rural area there aren't options for childcare, so it's coming up with a solution by asking favours in the short term. Could your oh drop her off at school on his way to work and she could wait inside somewhere, or at a friend or neighbour's house? As you're so close to having your baby (good luck by the way!), could your oh rearrange things at work given your pain and mobility issues, start a bit later or explain the temporary situation to clients? It would be good if his brother could help.

I've had severe spd myself and couldn't even walk a few steps the last few weeks because my pelvis had separated by that point, so I understand your pain. I also have a daughter who recently turned 7, and if your dd is telling you she's happy walking home in the daylight with friends but not in the morning in the dark and alone for part of the way, pull out all the stops whatever it takes to come up with a solution, maybe if no other options ask her social worker for advice? I've no idea how that works in Finland sorry but might be worth asking, sounds like they're aware of the situation and her walking to school so possibly could suggest some help? If all else fails I would be insisting/ begging my oh to adjust his hours or call in help from his brothers, it's not permanent, hopefully only in the very short term now that you've reached your due date x

MsGameandWatching · 29/01/2018 05:31

www.psi.org.uk/cim/working_papers/Finland.pdf

This is very interesting. It's from 2011, so a while ago, but still worth a look I think.

Original poster
Natsku · 29/01/2018 06:05

I just checked Google maps, says it's 1.9km and 24 minutes to walk, that's the road route which is just slightly shorter. It probably is the shopping centre adding the extra time to your route.

Think what you want limited getting tired of your goadiness.

I'm walking as far as I can with her this morning while she skis (I'm going to use OH's ski poles as walking sticks and we'll take it slowly) and tomorrow I have a midwife appointment so she can be dropped off on the way. After that I'm hoping I'll be in the hospital having the baby (DD will be staying at FIL's so can go to school with his youngest), if not then either OH's brother will drive her or start OH's work so he can go in later for the rest of this week and we'll deal with next week when it comes.

Taxi is too expensive though, 6 euros before they even start the engine and I'd have to go there with her and then back home (can't just stick her in the taxi by herself, I'm sure we'd all agree on that!) so will cost at least 15 euros each day.

We're off now, I managed walking to the ice skating place and back twice yesterday which was maybe 800 metres in total without too much pain so I'm hoping I'll manage half way to school now, by which point the sun will be up.

OP posts:
Maya80 · 29/01/2018 07:25

That's great sounds like you have things sorted, although just be super careful out there with your spd and bump and slipping x

Now good luck with baby coming hopefully v soon for you, even with my separated pelvis the relief was immense after having my baby and with the heavy weight on it gone.

I forgot to say, with my dd something I find helpful talking to her or rather her opening up to me about things like feelings was a game of hers that turned into her really opening up. She likes to get 2 toys and we each have one and it's basically role play acting out something she wants and me asking questions what would your toy (her) feel, say, do. What would my toy etc. When she's had issues with friendships she's made one toy her and the other the friend and she's opened up a lot, then we've come up with ways she can deal with a situation or just talk about her feelings. Might be worth trying.

Looks like you've already had lots of good advice on things like the timer watches, though that's great she managed without an accident the other day, it might have just been a blip before for a variety of reasons, and hopefully she'll carry on without the accidents x