No one wants to come to dd party

[Celp28]

My daughter is turning 13 on Friday. She has invited 9 friends for a sleepover and no one has responded to her invite. She has a so called best friend who has told her she doesn’t want to come and she doesn’t think others will want to come if she doesn’t come and that my dd is ‘a freak’. I’m so bleedin angry! Aibu to contact the girls mum to inform her her darling daughter is a bully or leave it?

OP just came on to say that you sound so lovely and such a fantastic mum - in the long run this will be what counts to your DD, not these vile, stupid, random girls that she has had the misfortune to have to deal with.

I do wonder if, with the exception of the bully, the other girls have simply been disorganised and not mentioned it properly to their mums, rather than meaning to slight your DD. Or maybe they are unsure what to do as they're under the influence of the "queen bee" and are too insecure to do otherwise.

The other thing I would do is call a meeting with the teacher and / or head of year and talk about the extremely negative social dynamic in the girls group. Name the girl and explain what she has done. You have every right because this kind of thing can be damaging to emotional wellbeing and mental health if left unchecked. Don't hold back and let the school know in no uncertain terms that they have this unpleasant character in their midst.

Sending you best wishes. I have DC if a similar age and we can all appreciate how you must feel. This will pass and be grateful that your daughter is better than this.

Hope you both have a lovely weekend. Might be worth checking what's on at the theatres if in Brum?

Speak to the school. What the "bf" doing is absolutely bullying, and should be resolved through the school.

There are some books you could look at to try and help too - Queen Bees, Drama Queens and Cliquey Teens for your DD and maybe Queen Bees & Wannabes for a parent-focused view.

I would contact the school and the other girls parents as it is bullying and unkind to say the least. Hope you both have a lovely time on her birthday.

Mmmm, some best friend, she sounds a bit like my own DDs now ex BF who pulled a similar stunt on DDs Birthday, twice

We had to cancel DDs main treat because I git wind of some of the invitees Planning on bringing drugs along. No surprise the ringleader was the same girl DD herself asked to cancel the trip away as she was so worried about it all. With hindsight I think the BF was trying to sabotage DDs birthday

Swapped to a small get together in town with money to spend on food etc & then back home for a small soirée instead. Same friend wound DD up about people not coming. Everyone turned up. Said friend turned up for half an hour, threw a hissy fit as she was so ill & needed tons of attention & went home in a strop when DD & the others mostly ignored her antics 🙄

I'm pleased to say,a few months down the line she is very much an ex friend, whilst DD is still friends with the others.

I would contact the others to double check for numbers coming & take it from there

Water world at Stoke on Trent is good. They do lunches as well, reasonable price. Snow done at Tamworth does activity days with a swim, junior thing, toboganing, ice skating and climbing wall. You swim and 2 out of others for approximately £20 per person.

Take her for a sleepover somewhere amazing. The friends will feel like they’ve missed out. Can I say they are little shitty bitches?

Aww your poor DD! I hope she’s finds her true friends soon!

I actually experienced this kind of situation when I was at school. Hung out with the popular girls and then they stopped turning up or telling me things. One day the leader told me I could be friends with them because ‘I didn’t fit in’. So I started spending time with some other people I knew and one of those became my best friend, still is hundreds of miles, 10 years and 3 babies later! And those other girls either dropped out of school or messed around thinking they were too cool to be smart and haven’t done well in real life.

I will never regret leaving that group, I have a masters degree, a well put together life and a great network of friends to show for it. DD will find her people and she’ll know it when she doesn’t have to worry about whether people will turn up because she’ll know they’ll be there.

Have a fabulous time this weekend!

Can you pick something really fantastic to do on Friday night with just one of her friends from school, something that would make all the friends who didn’t come v jealous and make her look cool?

Sleep overs are tricky if friends have clubs next day so maybe a film evening

Op don’t panic. 13 is quite frankly the worst age in the world along with 2!

I bet this so called friend is jealous of you dd and is intimidating or leading the others by the nose.

this will change by 14/15 the girls will be questioning their own values and sorting out their own personalities and by 16/17 the awesome ones will be awesome and the few nasty cows will be nasty cows!! Can I add this now seeming nasty cow may well improve and be s totally different girl.

I am midlands too and endorse all the above. Me snd dd had a lovely spa day at Ardencote manor?

Don’t worry I bet this time next year her whole friendship group dynamic will be totally different

Alton towers isn’t open this time of year. Well the hotel is but the theme park isn’t. (My bf and son are avid theme park fans so I literally have to listen to everything rollercoaster related) try twycross or maybe West Midlands safari park.

When I was a teenager, my best frenemy was on summer holiday in the States when it was my birthday. Before she left she told me I couldn't celebrate until she was back at the end of summer. I decided to go ahead and she tried to sabotage it by rubbishing it to other people and stirring up trouble saying I'd said stuff about other people behind their backs. She then said I couldn't plan anything and it would be really crap and I need her to make it decent and no one would come is she wasn't there.

I think I was supposed to sit inside all summer and do nothing so she wouldn't feel left out. With hindsight she had a lot of issues and the US trips were probably a lot less exciting than she always made out. Some really hurtful things were said and done - but it did all blow over after a few months.

Such great replies thank you so much. I’m definitely going to look at the books suggested, they sound interesting. Some of your stories are so heartbreaking, it’s awful how crap some girls make others feel. I have a 3 yr old ds, I’m keeping everything crossed that boys are a little less vicious!

I feel for you, it is so difficult for girls around this age. My DD is 11 and just started secondary and she desperately wanted to be friends with a group of girls that live nearby. She sent them messages and asked to meet out of school etc and they either ignored her or arranged things for 2/3 weeks time then never mentioned it again. Really difficult to do but in the end I had to say it wasn’t worth it, they didn’t want her (heartbreaking to say to her!) and she was far better off finding some decent new friends. Fortunately she has although heartbreaking to do at the time.

I remember when I had a party and no one turned up, I was 11 at the time and it really hurt. Cancel the party and have a day out together. Forget them, how rude!

Celp what i’m reading is that your DD has a fabulous mum who will give her a 13th birthday to remember. The situation at school will eventually be resolved I hope your DD meets some new lovely friends. Not sure if I would call the parents even if I did have their number it might just make things worse. Hopefully she can hang out with her siblings and cousins and people who boost her confidence. Happy Birthday for Saturday 🎂🎉

Ps. Time is see so precious - don't waste it with people that don't appreciate you x

Teenage girls can be so cruel! I personally would want to know if my DD had said something that spiteful to someone. So yes I would contact the girls mother. I wouldn’t go all out and call her daughter a bully, she may not take that well, but definitely let her know about what she said, be careful tho, especially if you don’t know the mother personally. These girls don’t sound like her friends, maybe just do something with the family instead, in the meantime maybe speak to the school about helping her make new friends with a different group of girls. I hope your DD has a wonderful birthday what ever happens

Unfortunately i’m not surprised by the bitchiness, but it is inexcusable and your dd is lucky to have you in her corner. There’s so much to do in Brum though, you’ll all have a fab time. I’m not sure what the lower age limit is, but the Everyman cinema in the mailbox is real treat (posh seats, waiter service) and there’s loads of places to eat around the mailbox. Then there’s the shopping too. I don’t know how well you know Brum, but a posh ice cream /dessert cafe has just opened in Selfridges too. To be honest, i’d like to tag along too!

God you forget so quickly once you’ve left school what arseholes we (girls) could be to each other.

The paranoia no one likes you, and having friends that only wanted to hang out at school. They say school is the best years of your life but I am so much happier as a grown up with the friends I’ve made in my 20s / 30s.

It does mostly get easier when your friends aren’t those in your class doesn’t it?

Make the most of this time with her

What a nasty piece of work the so called BF is. As a parent I would be beyond devastated if this was my daughter and whilst your daughter has moved onwards and upwards I would absolutely mention it to the parents of this girl. It's bullying and one of the most soul distroying types by causing your daughter to feel isolated. Anyway your daughter sounds lovely as do and your new plans sound like much more fun.

It doesn't sound like you know whether the mean girl is a ringleader, or if all the girls have independently decided they don't want to turn up. However, what stands out is your assertion that your DD chooses to spend her free time at home with her family. If that's true, it's likely that the other girls in her year are closer to each other - you can't stay at home all the time and expect to have as deep friendships as girls who spend every scrap of free time with each other. You can bet that a lot of them are going out at weekends and sleeping over regularly, not just as an annual birthday thing.

Whose idea was it to have a sleepover and invite so many people in the first place? DD's or yours?

I agree the other kids are horrible and this could have been handled with so much more compassion by them. However, it's a bit of a wakeup call for your DD. She can either continue to be a homebody (which is a perfectly valid choice) or start investing more in friendships outside her family. Not with these girls, they sound bloody awful, but by going out of her comfort zone a little and socialising at extracurricular activities. If she's not naturally sociable, this can feel agonising, but ultimately, it could be really rewarding for her.

Being a teenage girl is really hard. Your DD is lucky to have you in her corner.

This behaviour isn't confined to girls. Ds1 invited three boys to a sleepover and cinema for his 13th birthday. A fourth boy, who is really badly behaved, texted ds the night before and asked to come. I told ds to say no. He then persuaded two of the boys to text ds on the day of the party and say they weren't coming. These three boys then proceeded to pick on ds for the next couple of months until ds1 turned round and whacked the ringleader who left him alone after that! However he spent most of year 8 without a close friendship group thanks to that little shit.

I’d just like to say a massive thank you to all of you for taking the time to reply and share your stories and advice. I’m so grateful for all of the posts and it’s so lovely to see such positivity and support. So often on these threads I see posters being ripped to shreds and not one of you has made me feel stupid or unreasonable for my thoughts. A massive big love to you all for spreading the love 💗 the world needs more of this and you guys have honestly all been amazing 😘