No one wants to come to dd party

[Celp28]

My daughter is turning 13 on Friday. She has invited 9 friends for a sleepover and no one has responded to her invite. She has a so called best friend who has told her she doesn’t want to come and she doesn’t think others will want to come if she doesn’t come and that my dd is ‘a freak’. I’m so bleedin angry! Aibu to contact the girls mum to inform her her darling daughter is a bully or leave it?

I had a similar thread on here before christmas - just to say it does pass and now my DD has moved onto another set of friends and although things not perfect they are better.

Original bunch of friends have now turned on each other, predictably. These queen bees are perceived as 'popular' until they find their next victim and then that person learns.

School were a good support and in the end we got quite tough with DD about ditching them and finding other friends which eventually sunk in.

Its so upsetting and horrible and they really are vicious! Have a lovely birthday weekend though.

I arranged a big party for my DD 13th birthday, she was to hand out the invites to her friends. I spent a fair bit of cash on decs and food. Anyway no one was replying so a couple of days before the party I text s few of the Mums...it’s turned out DD never sent the invites out as she didn’t really want a party in the first place. I ended up sat with my friend in my kitchen surrounded by party food whilst my daughter went out with her 3 closest friends to a fireworks party!! What I’m saying is don’t panic too much and if they don’t turn up then take her shopping for something special or for whatever all the other girls are clambering over...this so called best friend won’t be her best friend much longer as at secondary school they change there best friends often...happy 13th to your DD 🎉🎉

I really feel for both of you .

It seems that no teenager responds to invitations now - which just causes so much misery for so many people .

I don't think I could face what is surely going to be a show down with the parents. But I would make sure that my child did not have dealings with what sounds a very negative person.

My dd says she'd come to a sleepover! (12) it sounds like this nasty friend is controlling the group. We had someone pull out of a theatre trip so in the end I invited my dd best friend from primary school instead. Both girls were excited to catch up. I would make contact with parents of the other friends urgently and check they know about the sleepover if you think they are genuine friends. If they're planning to come, then you won't have an issue. My dd has friends at Guides from other schools. Does your dd have friends from elsewhere she could invite on the hoof?

Girls are so nasty, my dd (year 10) has been shunned by her so called friends since November! And all because of one girl, someone she has been friends with since nursery just decided to be horrible and has one by one lied to s the other girls do now they are talking to dd either!

It's really difficult as school can't actually do anything about it even though it's bullying and isolation because she has done it in such a sneaky way.

My experience is don't bother with the parent like this girls mum she will just believe her little darling does no wrong and that it's everyone else bullying and being nasty to her daughter.

Encourage your dd to make new friends as to be fair none of these girls are really her friends if they would do that! My dd has slowly got in with a new group and they are triply lovely girls... even her head of year told me last week of it was her daughter she would be happier about this new drop of friends as they are lonely girls and the old ones are nasty and spiteful who sadly won't amount to much

Oh how horrid! !I've 2 young girls and dread this day!
Just as others have suggested, could you use the money that would have been used for the sleepover e.g snacks and food and spend it elsewhere?
A pamper day with one friend or something else she enjoys.
Maybe it's the sleepover element? I have no idea btw mine are too young still for sleepovers! Change it up a bit and do an activity instead? But it is still early days. Maybe it's been tossed into the 'to do' pile arena forgot about till later in the week.
Can you get parents contact numbers and send out a reminder text or email even before calling it off? If you need to cancel due to other commitments maybe re arrange for the following weekend? Xo

Aww, have a great day. Does she Instagram or FB? Make sure the pics are fab!

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread but is it possible 2 or 3 friends might say yes and she could still have a nice birthday sleepover party with them? If there are fewer people (than original plans) then maybe you could plan a bit more of an outing together on the Saturday or breakfast out or similar.

My feeling was just don't let one so called best friend call all the shots!

Best of luck with it all, hope your DD gets to have a nice birthday even if you have to change your plans x

If it was me, I'd arrange something really cool for the Friday night, then I wouldn't let the "freak" comment girl come but I'd get the other girls to come.

I have just read your thread, OP.

Hope your DD has a lovely day with you and her cousin.

I also hope the bitchy "friend" gets her comeuppance. She will eventually run out of people to isolate and end up isolated herself.

Definitely phone the school and put them in the picture.

This is sad to read. I hope your DD has a lovely day. Great you have taken the upper hand and cancelled so the other girls have had control taken away from them. Try and get her to act as much as possible as if she couldn't care less! This sort of thing makes me mad.

I've just read your latest post. I'm glad all is sorted and your daughter and you were able to take the upper hand and cancel it. I bet there were ones that were planning to go but now will realise what being polite and prompt will mean in the future.
This so called friend is vile and at the influential age they are i wouldn't be surprised if she coerced the others into not going. She probably cancelled as her family had other plans etc and twisted it to try and gain some points with her peers at the detriment of your daughter. Hope she's ok OP!
Last year I had similar issues but for a 4th birthday party. No one barely came. This year I was worried about the same and we had the opposite problem! Everyone RSVP! One day that nasty piece of work will remember what she has done to your daughter and it will guilt her. Enjoy this special time in your daughters life! Xo

I also hope the bitchy "friend" gets her comeuppance. She will eventually run out of people to isolate and end up isolated herself

Hopefully, if karma works.

But I suspect she'll just carry on in the workplace - and the school playground.

(when she has kids of her own and plays Queen Bee of the mums)

Its sadly a nasty age! Friends DD had similar issues where the "popular" girl dictated. Involving parents can be dangerous as BF will deny all....I have had something similar where as a parent I would want to know...this one didnt! Its power games and in my friends daughters case the leader decided at the last minute they could all go but they were still toying with her. I think if you can afford it a spa day and/or get her hair, nails done etc...it is quite a feeling grown up birthday and on Monday she will look fabulous when they look for a reaction. I would also have a word with school incase it needs keeping an eye on. Good luck...it gets easier and she is lucky to have her family x

Oh Celp, I so, so feel your pain, confusion and anguish! This happened to my daughter at about 11 / 12 years old. She had been "best friends" with a little girl all through primary school, and they did everything together, literally, everything, always. At the time of moving up to the comprehensive, my daughter went through puberty a little later than her peers, and her "best friend" and she developed spots, gained weight, and was not the pretty little fairy she used to be. Things went wrong at senior school, and she often came home in tears... and it transpired her "best friend" had told her that now she had met some new, really pretty girls, and that she was no longer one of the "pretty set" so had to be excluded. This time was utterly dreadful for us all, and eventually she made some new friends (who are now, and still some 20 years later, very close and successful, and adorable.) My daughter still remembers this, as tho it happened "yesterday", but insists that it taught her one of her lifes' most important lessons. She is now a very successful (incredibly beautiful) slim and vivacious young lady, with an adoring partner and a fantastic job, earning buckets. But have to tell you this, and please don't hate me... but that little madam "best friend" started to become really rather ugly as a 15 year-old ... as she grew into her body - she piled on weight, as my daughter simultaneously lost it, she developed acne, and her "pretty set" friends dropped her. She is now a shop assistant in a bargain shop, and has two children from two broken relationships. My advice is to help/allow your daughter to drop this girl who is NOT a friend at all, and get out there and get your daughter involved in all sorts of exciting activities, and "different" experiences and widen her horizon. Don't even "try" to work with, or discuss with the other parents. You will be on a hiding to nothing, ... remember, their parenting "produced" this childs' behaviour! 13 is such a desperately delicate age. Engulf her in family fun, love and delight and to HELL with the non-friend little no-bodies who are not friends at all. It is hard, but she is worth so much more! Good luck. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I'm sorry to hear about this. Don't wait until Friday! Call the parents of the invitees and kindly ask if they'll be attending the party. If there's a problem, at least one or two of the mum's will mention it and you'll have an idea of what's going on. If they all rsvp no then do one of the great activities suggested. If a few rsvp yes, the party can still go on but maybe arrange something that the girls will all talk WOW about at school next week. Perhaps do an in-house spa and get a mobile manicurist to come or something really girly like that! Good luck xx

It’s could just be rubbish teens not rsvping? No one rsvp’d to my kids party and all but one came! Starting secondary was a nightmare! In primary you could just contact any mum and confirm even before you set a date! Secondary was a different story, I had to rely on the kids to sort it out and it was awful! I was panicking! That one girl might have just made that comment as she’s a b**ch and the rest might just have not rsvp’d...which is pretty rubbish...but I probably wouldn’t cancel the party...does she not have old mates from primary or some family kids around her age you could invite Just in case?? Hope it turns out ok! And definitely tell her to bin the mean girl!! X

this is horrible and unacceptable. I agree with the comments above but would add that I think you should tell the school in confidence that this has happened and what was said to your daughter. 13/14 is prime bullying age in girls schools - I recommend you read "Queen Bees and Wannabees" which is all about this. My daughter at this age was counselled by the daughter of a friend who was in the same school and a bit older with the odd advice "see them as squirrels with a nut of jealousy they are holding, watch them hang onto it even though they are falling out of the tree/off the fence, feel sorry for them" and weirdly it helped. But definitely tell the appropriate member of staff at school. Just cos it happens a lot doesn't mean we just let it go on, and the school can address some of the other stuff (not the party) Also, either cancel and/or ring the parents to check the rsvp's "As no one replied we have decided to take just her to the special day on saturday at XXXX, we had to book, we know you will understand"

How would this so-called 'best friend' know? She sounds a little bully. I agree with what other posters have said on here. Hope she has a great birthday and sod these nasty little pieces of work.

So called bf is a bitch and manipulative. Your poor daughter - heartbreaking for her and for you as her Mum.

Short term - a lovely day out on Saturday would be just the job.

Long term, making friends out side of school would be a great idea for your daughter. It depends what she's into, but she could try horseriding, join a drama group, even police cadets if there's one near you.

Have a fabulous, special day out xxx

This makes me so sad. Vile girl is bullying your child and intimidating the others to do what she says. This happened to my daughter at school.
Its heartbreaking. Her friends used to phone her up to see what she was doing ( as if to invite her) and then tell her they were all out together. No invite.
I think the ring leader is jealous. Bullies are inadequate humans who try and make themselves feel better by making others miserable. Others go along with it in the fear that they will become the victim.
Eventually my daughter made new friends - went to college and uni - got the job she wanted. She is confident and empathetic and this is recognised at work....your daughter will get through this too. Leave the nobodies behind and live a happy life - thats the best revenge.
I hope you have a fabulous day out wherever you choose.

Can I make a strong suggestion that you consider a book that we found really helpful, it's called "Queen bees and wannabes" and it's full of suggestions for how to handle these exact kind of situations as well as bits that your dd can read for herself and start to understand the kind of power plays that go on. The most helpful thing for my dd was to realise that this kind of thing is so common that someone has written a book about it, i.e. it is not just her. Good luck with this situation anyway.

If I were to contact the other mother, I would be careful not to pass any judgement or comment on her daughter, just perhaps send her the message her DD had sent to yours and say, you thought she might like to know there were some friendship issues developing. I would probably leave her to draw her own conclusions and choose what to do.

I would definitely tell the school and send the messages. Make clear you know parties are an out of school thing, but for relationships within school, you thought they would want to know that your DD is possibly being excluded by the group.

Really hope she has a lovely birthday